My Mother N law says we are too old to have a 4th child. I'm so upset. I am 38 m

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  1. profile image50
    peanut13posted 8 years ago

    My Mother N law says we are too old to have a 4th child. I'm so upset. I am 38 my husband is 41....

    She doesn't agree. My husband is not sure either.. We have 3 children. Youngest is 7, She says we are getting older, and we need to be concerned about our health. And why would we want a child at age 60. who would be 20. I can't help but cry.  Please advise???

  2. Just Ask Susan profile image91
    Just Ask Susanposted 8 years ago

    It's your life if you both want another child go for it. I would not say that 38 is too old to have a child. Your the ones that will be raising this child not your mother in law. Just my opinion.

  3. wychic profile image88
    wychicposted 8 years ago

    Your mother-in-law is, no doubt, speaking out of concern for you and the rest of her family -- but her thinking is flawed. While you do fall under the category of advanced maternal age, that just means that there is a slightly higher percentage of risk in some areas, though many of those areas are explained statistically by the fact that many people who can't have any children until an older age may have issues. Recently, a 52-year-old woman in my small town gave birth to perfectly healthy twins. Talk to your doctor if you're concerned, but you're certainly not beyond the point during which it's advisable to have children.

    As far as how old you'll be later -- my baby daughter's father will be 72 when she hits 20 years old. For someone that has a testimonial, my ex-sister-in-law, with whom I'm still close, was 18 when her father hit 76 years old, and her only concern was that he wouldn't live to walk her down the aisle. He had recently undergone a period of sickness, which caused the concern, but otherwise neither she nor her friends noticed anything about his age.

    If you're really, really worried about having another kid but still want one, adoption is a great option, but don't let one person's opinion make that decision for you.

  4. MickS profile image66
    MickSposted 8 years ago

    If you want another child, go ahead, the important thing is, do you feel healthy enough and able enough to support it.
    Tell the mother-in-law to keep her hooter out of your business.

  5. cobrien profile image75
    cobrienposted 8 years ago

    It's not your mother-in-laws decision and she should respect that. Put her in her place.
    I am 38 and would love to have another baby. So would my fiance. I feel I would be a better parent at my age than I was when I was younger because I have better coping skills and have learned from my mistakes. A lot of women are choosing to wait until their 40s to have children. You are still in your 30s. Your MIL needs to butt out.

  6. Dr. Wendy profile image61
    Dr. Wendyposted 8 years ago

    I am 48.  I have 7 children.  My oldest is almost 28 and my baby is almost 3.  I got a lot of flack from my family, but you know something?  It is their problem, not mine.  You and your husband need to be in agreement.  Your attitude will determine the attitude of your other children.  No one else matters.

  7. JayDee Sterling profile image60
    JayDee Sterlingposted 8 years ago

    Oh, that is so mean. Don't listen to her, it isn't her decision and she should not comment either way. It is between you, your husband and God.

    Concerned about your health? What is that all about?

    60 isn't old.  Having a 20-yr-old running around will keep you young and everybody knows children who have parents that are mature are extremely intelligent. 

    Stop crying, it is bad for your complexion.  Best wishes smile

  8. lawrencebeach2010 profile image58
    lawrencebeach2010posted 8 years ago

    I think mother-in-laws have this, "I know what is best syndrome". It is your life and your body, if you can financial and mentally handle baby 4 why not? As long as hubby agrees that is.

  9. Lisa HW profile image61
    Lisa HWposted 8 years ago

    If I were you I think I'd look down at my chest, then look around behind me; and say, "Hmm.  I'm not seeing any sign around my neck that says, 'Other People's Opinions Welcome'".   smile

    REALLY!  If you want another baby it's your business.  A 20-year-old is pretty much grown, and 60 really isn't all that old.  Yes, there's a chance someone could get sick and die at 60, but that's not how it is for most people.  There's also a chance someone could get sick and die at 25.  A lot of people find that having a child older helps keep them young longer.  (Really - where is your mother-in-law from?  The 1800's, or something, when people had five kids by the time they were 24?)

    Chances are if you were expecting a baby your doctor would monitor you more closely than if you were 25, and chances are there would be recommendation for testing for any genetic abnormalities.  People have babies at 41 all the time, though.

    If your husband isn't sure that's another matter.  If it's health issues associated with any risk to you or a baby, that's something that maybe you and your husband could talk to your doctor about - then decide.  If he's not sure for the same reasons his mother isn't sure - well, that's a whole other thing; but, really, if he's still letting his mother's opinions color his own, that's a problem completely separate from the baby issue.

    Having said all that, a lot of women start thinking they'd like that "one more baby" before they get absolutely too old to have another one.  Some go ahead and have the baby.  Others aren't sure, or their husbands don't want one; and they don't have one.  It's very common to get through that time of thinking about that  "one last baby" but move past it and get to where one is happy enough not to have gone ahead and had the baby.

    My advice is talk more to husband about it.  Talk to your doctor about it too.  Don't talk to your mother-in-law about it at all.  Surprise her if/when you do have a baby.   smile

  10. d_mckenna925 profile image60
    d_mckenna925posted 8 years ago

    38 isn't old. I think you should go for it. It would probably be even easier than the first three since now you have three little helpers. My aunt didn't have a baby until she was about 38 or 39. You've already had 3 so your body knows the ropes. I wouldn't listen to your mother in law. Just smile and nod.

  11. profile image0
    Starmom41posted 7 years ago

    I think most people today would be better off if that old saying "MYOB" was still as popular as it used to be... 
    If it's what you & your husband want, and your doctor says you're in good health, go for it & don't let someone else's negativity spoil it for you. 

    and if you decide to go ahead with your plans, best wishes & much happiness to you all!!!  smile


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