How do I become a better step mom to him?
Ive been a step mom to my 4 yr old step son sents he was 11 months old ... and im starting to find it hard to except that our relationship seems on edge all the time. Any advice ?
I have my aunt in law has adopted a baby, now he is more then 20 years old. when the adopted baby was 10, my aunty had a first baby by her own. but till now my aunty never feel any deferent to give her love to both of her sons. She said one was bound by the the time and the other was bound by blood.
the best thing is to understand first and foremost that you can never be his birth mother and that can never be argued about, this will remove any bitterness or regrets , this is a four year child and for him it is a preiod i a childs life when they learn alot. Children are said to be the worst listeners but the best observers , they watch your body language , your facial expressions and they listen to the tone of your voice every time you speak; that will determine t a large extent how they respond to you.
the most important thing is tha tyou are the adult in this reationship and the child should know this fact so that you are not manipulated inot becoming angry or bitter, act warm to the son , speak to him with a reassuring voice and whenever they make a mistake, dont yell, simply but firmly make him understand that it was a mistake and it should never be reapeted, this will bring your mother -son relationship to a new level. dont bribe him with gifts that way he will always look out for tokens and when they dont come he will get worked up and friction wont cease, tehrefore be the parent ok.
All the best Hether.
I think there are two many possible reasons/kinds of reasons that you could be feeling the way you do, and I don't think anyone on an Internet site can offer you solid suggestions (or at least not without more information than given).
This probably isn't the kind of reply you want, but I really think you and your husband should set up an appointment with a counselor together. Maybe it would only take a visit or two to get some solid input about whatever is going on/not going on. Whether this is a little kid you see only on weekends usually or is one who hasn't got his own mother in the picture and is being raised by you - both two completely different types of situations. Whether your husband is creating the situation or not, whether someone is expecting more of you than you have to give, whether its both you and your husband's child who feel "on the edge" (or just you), whether the child's mother has raised a child who is out-of-control, whether you're someone who isn't skilled at establishing a healthy respect from the child - all things that could create problems.
Again, talking to a counselor about the issues; and approaching it from the standpoint of wanting to build a better relationship (rather than "having issues") is, I think, the most sensible thing to do.
you should show loving care for him.when he did something wrong,you try to pardon himfor doing so.take care of his study and life. i believe you can get along well with each other.
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