I don't have children, but it seems to me that there are a lot more brats out there these days. Nieces and Nephews included. But parents don't believe in corporal punishment anymore. I remember getting whipped for bad behavior and I fully deserved it more times than I care to admit, but I never talked back and spoke to adults the way children do nowadays.
(I don't mean beating or child abuse either, to me that is a totally different matter.)
What do you think.
In India, its quiet common to hit kids with whatever comes you way.. I, like many from my generation, have grownup like that... For us hitting your kid is no surprise its as natural as breathing. However, the present generation doesn't like to spare the rod and likes to give in to most of the demands made by kids...
Also its very interesting to notice that parents who hit their kids left, right center; don't allow their kids to hit their grand children...
I guess this is going to a minor problem, because you are talking about this particular topic in a global community of people.
The answers you will get are going to be so far out of whack it isn't even going to be funny. Not to mention, the answers will incorporate the last 20 years of dumbing down of the populace, by those in power positions.
The simple fact is society overall has gotten much weaker on an individual basis. The power that be, such as regimes and governments are doing a great job at demoralizing society with distortion and distraction tactics, which creates fear.
Not to mention, you have way too many advocate groups screaming foul, whenever a grieving mother loses a child, because that child was reckless, but places the blame on others. It a point the blame scheme where much as eroded to and continues to stunt the growth of humanity, in an overall perspective.
Yes, children do need discipline and showing them that there are circumstances in which they receive pain as a consequence, does teach a solid moral value, such as think about your actions and the consequences, before you actually take action.
Unfortunately, in America, many advocate groups have sided on the child's side and in some cases, it is understood. However, in Mass, even slapping your kid in the mouth, because they said something bad, as a piece of structured discipline, is now child abuse.
I consider the many laws on behalf of the children, to be absurd and too restrictive to the parents.
Btw- misconception- moral values and family value is a hub I wrote about the disappearance of both in society.
Just my thoughts on it.
how is 'getting whipped' not abuse?
and what child 'deserves' it? is "spanking" about punishment or teaching or discipline, or is it about venting on someone who can't defend themselves?
in what Universe is 'slapping a child on the mouth' loving discipline? would YOU like to be slapped in the mouth?
no of course not. but it's ok to slap your child in the mouth? you know, the child who looks up to his parents and expects them tp cherish him and champion them? at what age is it ok to slap your child in the mouth? is two too early? how about six? yes, that seems fair and reasonable, doesn't it? a big scary grown-up slapping a tiny child in the mouth. riiight. i was six when my mother slapped me in the face...let me tell you, you don't forget a thing like that. the worst thing isn't the pain from the slap, it is the shock that the person who is supposed to love you is the one who did it.
and fyi, advocacy groups exist for a reason - because children have no voice. they are not in control of their destiny and must trust the people who are to treat them fairly and with compassion, wisdom and prudence. to call them 'unfortunate' is really quite perplexing.
parents who hit their children are just too lazy to find better, more postitive ways to teach them.
so, what,... if you had your child in a day-care center or at school? would it be ok for THEM to slap your little one in the face?
i mean, they were just trying to teach them something, right?
You're too weak-minded to understand and I'm not in a position to discuss it with you Cosette, but you do have a great day.
That was a very cogent argument, Cagsil.
Have a nice day!
No, Cosette is right - hitting a child in the mouth would be a form of abuse..most parents would agree with that, however the law sees it.
I know that different parts of the world have different ideas towards corporal punsishment, but I know many parents, and I am one myself. The parents I know genuinely do not believe that smacking is a good thing, it has little to do with legal issues. There are always better ways. Not smacking does not mean no discipline. Well, it doesn't have to.
Some people seem to be very down on children these day, but most of the children I know are lovely and have great relationships with their parents. I know this because I have loads of them around my house every week and none of them gives me any problems.
I can understand what you are saying. I just seems like the respect that children once had for their elders is gone. I remember being taught to listen to my elders. No matter who they are but now parents back up the child even though the child was in the wrong when another adult may step when the parents aren't around. Example: Child blatently bullies a smaller child in front of another adult neighbor friend. Who immediately speaks up for the smaller child and tells the other child to go home.
The mother gets all upset and completely takes the older childs side and curses out the adult, and never once speaks to child about how wrong it was to behave this way.
Message to the child: You don't have to respect other adults. and you can be a bully.
And some people have the nerve to think we live in a civilized society?
I think there are more adults than children who could use some corporal punishment.
Kids today are more immature than they were in my day, we had jobs in high school and bought are own clothes and cars. Now they sit at home and watch TV or play video games while their parents take care of them. I know this is not all of them but it is a whole bunch of them.
It is possible to teach your children to be respectful and well-behaved without physical punishment. Parents do it all the time.
And, look at the children presently in society because of it.
Like every generation before, and every generation to follow, there is much hand-wringing over the state of our children. Of course, there are problem kids, just like there always have been and always will be. This generation is no more or less respectful than any other.
I agree, the problem with many kids now is that their parents are unable to say no to them. You do not have to hit kids to teach them good behavior you just have to take the time.
Prett Panther, agreed. I usually stay away from this particular subject because it irks me as much as it does; and yet, every so often my curiosity gets the best of me, and I end up needing to "contribute".
My parents raised us without ever hitting any of us. We had plenty of respect for them and it was pretty clear we had better never "talk back". I raised my own three kids without hitting them, and it was (and still is) the same with us.
I agree that there are a lot of out-of-control brats around these days, but that's not because parents who don't hit aren't, and can't be, strong leaders and good parents to their kids. It's the parents who don't hit their kids and who still manage to have well behaved kids who teach their own kids how easy it is to raise children without having hitting in the home.
Ideally we would be better off without it I think. But parents are human beings, not robots, and many kids are quite capable of making parents losing their cool.
I think if you have a child of your own, your views may change if you believe slapping a child in the mouth is acceptable.
we have mouths for a reason and a voice.
there are plenty of children out there doing fine.
I see broad assumptions here that all children are ill behaved which is not true. I've worked with kids most of my adult life and yes, they as well as adults and society have changed, but it's not because of corporal punishment. it's factors like two parents who have to work full time, children in day care and pre-schools all day, some from open to close. parents who indulge their children because of guilt or lack effective parenting skills, which is evident in the example above. this topic has been discussed numerous times in the forums and there are many hubs written on discipline and parenting skills. I have a few.
and Diane, you are absolutely right, everything a parent does or doesn't do sends a message to the child. parenting is not easy but it's sure not fair to the child to be a lousy parent.
You may have a point, but I never said anything about slapping a child in the mouth. But I do think that they have a butt that would work just fine. Yes sometimes you can reason with the child and do things differently but sometimes I think it is necessary to enforce corporal punishment, as long as you make sure the child understands what he is getting punished for. I remember my sister getting a good spanking for running away from my mother right into the street, just barely missed by a car.
Once she got spanked she never tried that again. It's just sometimes necessary. In my opinion.
I see how my nieces and nephews talk to my mom their grandmother and it is awful. They are 10,5, and 3. All old enough to know better.
I think that stuff could be stopped pretty fast if their parents would just grow a spine.
I believe in a smack on the rear and we have used it in our home. We have nieces and nephews who have never been spanked and they are down right little brats, with foul mouths and a couple even hit there own parents.
We also used time out when our son was very small and now it is called process of elimination (games, etc.) our children respect us and in turn we respect and love them.
Spankings are not harmful but abusing a child by grabbing them hard, beating them with a board, mentally and emotionally abusing them is wrong.
I agree with you AEvans , you understand what I'm talking about, my nieces and nephews are the same way. Temper tantrums at every moment they don't get their way. And yes they have hit their parents and my mom at times.
It's funny to me that the very woman who would not have tolerated such behavior from me or my siblings, is now taking it with little punishment if any handed out to the child.
Oooooh, I like a little punishment sometimes! I've been a baaaad girl. lol
Well I think that the problem is not the absence of physical discipline, it is the absence of any discipline. I work in retail and honestly I have to leave the sales floor frequently when some customers come in with their kids and just let them do whatever they want. The kids are destructive, disruptive, and spoiled.
I am not saying all but it is not an exaggeration to say 95% of them are like this.
I blame the government and almighty CPS. Parents are afraid to properly discipline their children because CPS. The fear of having to deal with them in any way is what is causing the problem.
I actually don't believe in corporal punishment, mainly because I could never work out why parents tell children that they can't hit their friend or little brother and sister and then turn round and hit them themssomeoneelves. I don't believe that hitting a child will make them a better child in the long term or that is character building.
I know plenty of children - some of which have been hit and some haven't and there is no consisten pattern to their behaviour which indicates the children who are smacked behave better than those who aren't.
It is quite possible to instill discipline and good manners in children. Increased consumerism and many parents desire to give children everything and all the things they didn't have themselves.
Everyone, seems to assume that parents who believe in corporal punishment just hit their children all willy nilly with no regard as to when it is appropriate to do so, and for what kind of offense would this be necessary. No most parents do not do this. The problem is they opt to not discipline in this manner, and the child sees it as oh well not big deal. I mean whats taking away a favorite toy or activity for a few days they know they will get it back, and most likely the parents will forget that they were even punished at all. So the child never really has anything taken away or any discipline for bad behavior.
When I was very about 12, my parents taught me a valuable lesson about corporal punishment. I was a little, goodie two-shoes; I never got into trouble, and the one spanking I got growing up was for something I didn't do. When I became a parent, that lesson stuck with me.
My parents were great, but they made a mistake. As I was raising my children, I watched my other parents spanking their kids and realized corporal punishment was usually not a well thought out decision; it was an emotional reaction parents used to ease their own anger.
Studies have shown physical punishment can make a child violent and learn to use physical strength to resolve their own issues instead of other means. (Perhaps that's why we have so much violence these days, including elder abuse....all those kids trying to pay somebody back for what their own parents did. )
Well the bottom line is I never spanked my kids. (Ask them, they will confirm this.) My son is 38. My daughter is 32; and not using physical punishments did nothing to harm their upbringing as good citizens. Check out my Hubs... "Mom& Son Citizen - Journalists" and "My daughter the PhD."
I disciplined my kids with love and a few other methods and got two great grown ups out of it.
I don't agree with it, I think there is always a better way. 'Another way' does not have to mean no discipline - you do have to get your point across somehow if you are a parent. My son is quite strong willed, but if he won't listen then I confiscate things from him and explain why, but always warn him first so that he can correct his own behaviour. This works fine with us, and he thinks more carefully about it next time.
While parents do indeed have to be parents, I would rather bring up children who can talk to me and be open, rather than children who are afraid of what might happen if they do somthing wrong, so would probably hide things from me.
And I agree with Uninvited Writer - the problem really is that many parents don't say no. We say no a lot, because there is always something that my son is after - you have to make a decision, stick to it and not waiver.
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