Why when parents get older do they seem to stress you out alot more?
I am 39 and don't have as much contact with my mother as I should . I have a family of my own that keeps me pretty busy and a beautiful grandson . So when I do take time out to see my mum it seems to be very draining on me. She seems to dwell on what everybody around her is doing and doesn't show interest in my life is that being selfish on my part or not.
I think that some people as they age don't really have as much to do as they used to and have a difficult time filling their time. Sometimes that can make them seem more selfish. However, if this has been a shift in character for her, it might indicate a medical problem.
It may not be your mom who is stressing you; you may be already stressed by your own family issues by the time you visit. Plus, there she is trying to fill you in on what she thinks you are missing, when all you want (and deserve) is some affection and attention. Sit close, put your arms around her, and ask her to let you pour your heart out. She may need that as much as you do. Enjoy your time with your mom!
In some respects, I do think that parents can stress you out when they get older. However, other things are less stressful. For example, when I was younger, I constantly worried about what my parents would think, what they would find out, if they would approve. I always felt as if I were trying to measure up to their expectations. Eventually, I found out that I invented some of the expectations because I thought it would be their expectations when in fact they were not. On the other hand, they are more stressful now about other things. I have noticed that my father at times does not have a filter on his mouth. He talks about people and says it loud enough that they would have to be deaf not to hear it! What he says is not always flattering. To me, this is stressful especially when we are in a large group of people that do not know anything about him or me. My mother is stressful because as she ages, she becomes more pessimistic and she worries about anything and everything - things she cannot control or that have already happened. This is stressful to me because I am more of the "Don't cry over spilt milk" mentality.
Of course it's not selfish. Your mother should show interest in you. My mother shows interest when she's done talking about everything else. When I ask her why, she says she figures if I have something to tell her, I will.
Ask your Mom outright and tell her how you feel. Encourage her to get a hobby or join a club, if she dwells on others too much.
I agree with VirginiaLynne. Older people often don't have anything to do and then small problems grows into big problems. They put themselves and their diseases in the centre. It isn't always like this, but maybe it is in your case.
that's a good question. Ive noticed my mom getting really crappy lately, i'd like to say it's just menopause and the decline of her control of her bodily functions but ya know honestly i wouldn't have either parent any different, cause let's face it, they took care of our smelly behind till you were potty trained, just throw them a beer and gas-x and stay in the safety zone.
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