Any tips on respectfully telling your parents to "back off" the disciplining of your children.
Sometimes a grandparent inserts their standards in my home and corrects a child for something we have established as being ok/acceptable for our household. This grandparent also shakes or yanks on the kids. Recently, grandparent publicly disciplined a child, when I was right there to do it, (was waiting for opportunity to be discreet). My child remembers not the "lesson", but the grandparent reaction- squeezing my child's arms,lifting my child off the floor & scolding through grit teeth,in the middle of the store. I did not witness it, &I don't doubt it. How would you handle this?
I had to deal with something similar regarding potty training. I would restrict the time your children spend with this grandparent to when you were around for a while 3 months or so and then if the grandparent demonstrates a change in behavior, that you can actually see that he or she is trying to abide by your standards then I would slowly give them more time with your children. It sounds like this person needs to learn to respect the boundaries of other people. Sometimes this is a tough and hard lesson to learn. I hope the best for you!
No one should ever shake, yank, hit, slap, beat, pinch or otherwise, a child as a form of discipline. This is nothing more than violence. I firmly believe that no child should ever have to learn violence - particularly from a family member. Calm, reasoned discussion honoring both parent and child is most often a fruitful path.
As the parent, you are the final authority - period. Your child, your rules.
A simple discussion with the grandparent(s) explaining how discipline is to be handled (only by you) and that their duty is to enjoy the children. You'll handle the parenting and the tough stuff.
All family members should see love, respect and dignity whether you are disciplining a child or advising a parent.
What can you do when a grandparent or other relative disciplines your child? Here are some tips about how to speak with family members who discipline your children in your presence. read more
You start with, " I love you, but I want to discuss something with you that is troubling me". I would think It would be best to use the occurrences that you witnessed youself. By doing so you will not have to hear that the children are not telling the truth.
Ask why they yank, lift and the like. Let them know that this is not how you deal with your children and you don't want anyone else doing so. You did not say if this is the way you were raised, your parents or his?
I suggest that you monitor their visits and activities with the grandparents. Maybe they are not aware of their abusive behavior, so tell them. Beware, for it might get worse because of other issues, and if it does, there should be no unsupervised visits.
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