When you've yelled at your child(ren), do you say you're sorry?

1. 74

   breathe2travelposted 12 years ago

   When you've yelled at your child(ren), do you say you're sorry?

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2. 69

   Sparkle Chiposted 12 years ago

   ALWAYS! Although there are times when I find it necessary to raise my voice in order to get or keep their attention, yelling is different.
   
   Yelling is a loss of control, a loss of my control. That is not something I want to model or teach to my children, but since it is a human reaction, what I can teach them is how to handle it. I can model to my children that apologies are as natural a part of being human as is losing your temper.
   
   I can also let them see me working on learning ways to diffuse my feelings of frustration in a healthier way, and help them to learn these new techniques also.

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3. 60

   duffsmomposted 12 years ago

   I didn't do a lot of yelling with my kids and when I did it was usually out of frustration. I would apologize if I was wrong and let them know I could have handled it differently.

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4. 57

   Lot Rilleraposted 12 years ago

   I seldom yelled my daughter, but if it is necessary I do so, but I have to explain to her later on why I am yelling at her and scolding her because I want her to know what's right or wrong for her to learn.

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5. 61

   michememeposted 12 years ago

   Sometimes I do. Because, at times I may be focused on something and they just come and ask a question. When they are non-stop yelling "mom, mom, mom," I lose it. My daughter is a sweetheart and I can see I may have hurt her feelings. So I apologize.

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6. 64

   Lisa HWposted 12 years ago

   I never yelled at them.  Yelling isn't me.  Whenever I've failed them (or felt as if I'd failed them) in some way other than yelling, though; I've always made it a point to apologize (not grovel, but apologize with a dignified explanation); because I've always wanted to show them the right way to handle it when we have failed someone without intending to.

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7. 58

   jeanniedoeposted 12 years ago

   Yes, sorry is the best way to let them understand that you yelled at them because you wanted them to learn the values in life but not totally that you are very mad at them. Yelling is sometimes a good method to discipline children.

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8. 83

   shampa sadhyaposted 12 years ago

   I am a human being first so it is quite natural to loose my temper. I do so but never intentionally. Irritation, frustration and stubborn attitude of my son do lead me to yell but later I explain it to my son. Even I never hesitate to say sorry to my son.

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9. 59

   shea duaneposted 12 years ago

   Sometimes I yell at my son and he deserves it, if I yell at him and I'm wrong, I always say I'm sorry. I don't have a problem being wrong, and when I am I say, "You were right and I was wrong, and I'm sorry."

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10. 71

    algarveviewposted 12 years ago

    If I'm wrong I do, if I'm not I don't. But if I'm wrong i think it's important to apologize, that sets an example for them and also shows them that mommy is human and makes mistakes, which I think is good, after all we can only push the super-hero mommy myth so far and eventually they will realize we aren't perfect anyway, so better sooner than later, I say...

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11. 60

    KarenEileenposted 12 years ago

    No.  I don't apologize for yelling.  It takes a lot to get me to the yell point, but when I get there, it is a necessary communication option to express the gravity/urgency/seriousness of the situation.  Later, when the dust has settled, I will talk to them about the situation, often saying that I wish I didn't have to yell, but, I make no apologies.

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12. 61

    MilesArmbrusterposted 12 years ago

    Every disagreement in my family, and the resultant aftermath, is pretty much handled in the same way. Someone mediates the dispute, each person admits their own fault and expresses understanding of the situation, asks for forgiveness as necessary, gives forgiveness as needed, and re-commits to growing from the conflict. We often discuss the details of what happened and the heart issues that precipitated the conflict. The primary goal is for each person to accurately understand their own heart and what led to the conflict.
    As the father, I have the hardest position, because I normally have to mediate my own errors which means that I have to start by admitting what I did wrong first, and I need to do that without any reference to any fault on the part of my children, or wife. After I have admitted my fault and have made sure that I haven't missed anything I have done wrong, then I can work with the other person to see what they did wrong. (And sometimes I leave that step out, because placing blame and finding punishment is never the goal of these situations.) Some times my wife mediates between me and the kids, but normally if it is something as simple as me losing my temper and yelling, I go on my own right away.
    We never use the motif, "I am sorry." Although we certainly are sorry, the real issue is the heart issue that caused the conflict. In other words, it isn't enough for me to say to my daughter, "I am sorry I yelled at you." That merely reflects my regret for the way the situation ended up. The correct communication is, "I was wrong, I was angry at you. Will you forgive me for treating you wrong?" True reconciliation of relationship can't really happen on the basis of feeling sorry, it can only happen on the basis of an honest admission of offense to the person who has been hurt. Fortunately, in my family, we all understand that life is like a bag of rocks that a runner is carrying - we always bump up against each other and we decide, in advance, to understand, forgive, and move on...
    Great question!

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13. 59

    Babypenguinposted 12 years ago

    it depends on the situation, if they are genuinely misbehaving, and there's no other way to stop them, then it's not so bad. But if you have yelled at your child for reasons that are not  their fault, i.e your in a shit mood and end up snapping at them, then you say sorry for sure

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14. 69

    sarahmooseposted 12 years ago

    I apologise for shouting, but also calmly explain why I had to shout in the first place, so we can avoid the behaviour again. Fortunately, it doesn't happen too often with my daughter.

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15. 74

    Moon Daisyposted 12 years ago

    Yes, if I realise that I shouldn't have yelled, then I say sorry and explain why I shouted.  (Like I got angry because I wasn't feeling well, or I was annoyed at something else.  And how it wasn't her fault).  Sometimes I feel like a little yelling is justified, but I try not to do it too much.  I'd rather stay calm and explain why something is wrong, rather than yelling - which tends to cause retaliatory yelling, and just escalates things.

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16. 0

    mefajf07300302posted 12 years ago

    We are humans we all get "hot heads" I feel SOOO bad after I yell at my daughter and I never ever hesitate to say sorry and explain why mommy got mad.

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