What do you do if your teenager refuses to come home?

Jump to Last Post 51-90 of 90 discussions (110 posts)
  1. TessSchlesinger profile image61
    TessSchlesingerposted 6 years ago

    Now I wonder why that is. Are you super religious? Well, um, yes. At 16, young people already have a brain and will of their own.

    Has he got in with the wrong crowd? How come? Did you send him to a school where he is influenced by thugs and criminals?

    I don't know. You don't give sufficient reason to determine whether he has sufficient reason to refuse to come home or not.

    House rules depends on what parents believe.

  2. Brians Review profile image64
    Brians Reviewposted 6 years ago

    First off, how does he have the financials to survive on his own? I would strip him off all his privileges, and make sure that he isn't getting one dollar to survive from me. It sounds like this was something that started when he was young. You only have a couple years to get it right, until you boot him out and hope he doesn't become an addict or worse. Kids who act out, tend to do so out of a lack of strict parental guidelines and consequences. Don't reward bad behavior.

    Also, if he's staying at his friends, contact the parents and let them know you don't want him staying there. Stop paying for his  phone, so he doesn't have the opportunity for some shady connection on Craigslist.

    1. Katie Smith19 profile image56
      Katie Smith19posted 6 years ago

      Speaking from a teenagers perspective.. it just depends on the kind of situation he's in. Maybe its not just the home situation thats bugging him. Maybe he feels like he is misunderstood and doesn't know how to open up to you in a way you could understand

    2. krillco profile image86
      krillcoposted 6 years ago

      Get some therapy, right away. Most folks do not think of this option. Even if her refuses to go YOU go.

    3. kellysgirl profile image59
      kellysgirlposted 6 years ago

      Change the locks and show him what it feels like when you don't follow the rules. Sometimes, as parents, we hurt our children when we refuse to show them what the REAL WORLD has to offer. This does not mean, giving up on them. This just means that since he wants to be an adult, he's going to have to understand the consequences of his actions. If you let him back in the house, trust and believe, he's found your weakness.

    4. raumuong profile image55
      raumuongposted 6 years ago

      Threaten to let their room! Enough said.
      http://dienlanhbachkhoa247.net

    5. Linda Hobbis profile image61
      Linda Hobbisposted 6 years ago

      I sympathise.  Mine are 9 and 7 so I have all this to come.  I wonder whether your son objects to all your rules or whether there are some particular sticking points - e.g. TV / gaming time.  Are there areas where you could negotiate and / or come up with a solution together?  Is one of the problem areas relationships - e.g. bringing back dates to your house?  I think the solution to this one is not black and white but rather a gradual process of working together. That probably sounds a bit namby pamby but I think it is better to preserve the relationship if you can since your son is almost an adult.

    6. profile image58
      jerrycarmanposted 6 years ago

      I would find out where he or she is and go after them and bring them home yourself. Do not wait for the authorities to bring them to you. Do not let them stay with strangers or the unknown because this will make you and your spouse look bad as parents.

    7. profile image52
      roselyonsposted 6 years ago

      As a teenager myself, I would personally say that negotiating the rules your son dislikes together would be the best solution. It makes him think he somewhat has a say, constantly reminding teenagers of the rules makes them want to rebek against them.
      If an open discussion doesn't work take his mobile or beat his ass xxo

    8. Araaz profile image61
      Araazposted 5 years ago

      Recently my cousin who is a teenager ran away from home because his dad checked his phone..and he returned next day and weeped and apologized... so,my point is..Let them leave and survive.. they will surely return back..there is no place like home..

    9. profile image57
      Chris Bobbsposted 5 years ago

      (I know this is old, but if anyone is facing this same issue I hope this helps)
      Your son is indeed facing the issues we all faced growing up that young; however, this generation of so called "millennials," have been dealt a different hand then previous generations. This dealing is quite unfair if you look at it from their perspective. To begin, your son is facing an issue that many teens have encountered, this issue manifests itself as the good ole' "I don't like your rules" quarrel. Teenagers are wired differently than adults and have a natural tendency to be rebellious. Parents need to understand that this imbalance of hormones in these teens, is an issue that is hard for them to control. Your son is only doing this because he is confused, and the influences of society on these "millennials" are detriments to these teens. This leads me to my second point and final point. that society has created set standards for these teens. Online socializing and mobile messaging, has created a new system of rewards for these teens. These means of connecting to people online and quickly talking to people miles away, births an addiction. This addiction forms itself as the need for "instant gratification" and just like any other junkie, they need their fix, and they have to follow the strict moral codes this instant society has created. This leads the teens to be much more stressed than previous generations and it needs to be addressed. Your son might be going through a lot, and he may need some temporary space. I had a disagreement with my parents a while back when I was your son's age. I didn't want to live at their house anymore and living in the state of Louisiana meant that at 17, I could leave home without their permission. Thankfully, and I'm glad I took this route, I just distanced myself from my parents for a short period of time, this allowed me to relax and take a rational approach on my problem. I later contacted my parents, and apologized, for my behavior, but urged them to make some changes on their side, and I would in turn make changes to my side. This ended up working out and I didn't have to work my ass off to help get in college and find some place to live. What I can say for your son is, he needs time, just let him be for the moment, and then talk to him as an adult would talk to another adult, because that's what they want to be treated like, come to and agreement with him and things should even themselves out.

    10. helenstuart profile image60
      helenstuartposted 5 years ago

      If your teenager is in an age of minority and has just "taken off" for what ever reason, I have      always believed that you are legally responsible for his safety and his acts in the public sector until hd/she is 19. Do I have that wrong? It is a point of pride, hurting feelings on purpose often, and re- enacting the past,  but it is time for the parents, who should be the adult, to admit maybe the teen was hurt deeply by their actions, and take it from there. . Chances are you can have a thousand sessions but at this fragile time, the teen will hit the street again. Apologize for not having seen things through his or her eyes, and admit how worried you are about them out them. YOU all should be. There is probably a point where you could involve the law, but that will be a no way back situation. Try to think of a trusted relative to whom  they have always loved, talk to them alone and express your worry. Try to pay that relative in the best manner you can, and pray to god the teen accepts the situation and moves in with them. Now parents, work on yourselves. Maybe you weren't that wrong, maybe you were, but do anything to keep your kid off the street. Never put up a wall where you said, :I would give up afterthis. More parents need to be friends earlier as well as in the teen years. It's very hard to be a grown up, if you haven't noticed, and about ten times as hard getting there. It would be nice if the people, at least the ones who stuck around, the ones who are supposed to know us both, actually helped us through the times that we are so embarrassed we don'[t want to tell a soul in the world. If we are able to get that painful , huge sticker excised, make sure we are worthy in our dealing with that information. It's all tricky stuff, and the way we deal with floods of emotion in the people we love and want to protect most, and want them to trust us every time, it starts early, and if it starts in ineptitutude or embarrassment, we may have lost them early.

      1. helenstuart profile image60
        helenstuartposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        By the way, our kids are not our "possessions" . to experiment with our little tyranical rule. They at no point belong to us, but by science or God were intrusted to us to bring up with safety and love and security. Thats the job and it starts before

    11. Jaxxi profile image60
      Jaxxiposted 5 years ago

      I offer incentives along with punishments and make it very clear, Im willing to work with him and I want to make our lives together  comfortable for both of us, but I cant do it alone. I detail what is to be expected. If expectations are met for the week, then he can go to wherever for the weekend, but stays in touch with me for the most part. But I spend time with my kid, and we still watch movies together and I let him tell me about his favorite music and play it in the car. I let him be himself, ( taking the good and the cringeable) because I know hes just going through a phase. My son gets rebellious when he feels like I dont care enough about him to understand his "issues"...after all, hes a teenager and the reality of life is freaking him out. In many cases, they may need a hug. In other cases, a verbal heart to heart works well (or a verbal bitchslap when they get lippy). As a parent, either one is effective - just use your best discernment and apologize when you're wrong. Parents arent always right, and sometimes we hurt their feelings. They are still kids.

    12. profile image52
      ALICE KIRAIposted 5 years ago

      To agree or  disagree.............................
      80%  of  minors hate rules and  tend to think that parents should let them do what they want, I call it a rebellious age.They always want to party late night, attend schools only at convenient times.There main aim is to break any rule that they must follow.

      what you should do is to o engage in deep conversation so you can learn to understand him better, try to also follow his rules ,as his parents and they may not be that hard after all , in this way he will be able to open up about the rules you have set that he dislikes and maybe you can make him understand why you have such rules.

      Make him your best friend to avoid him seek refugee elsewhere like considering to move out.

      Above all be patient with him and help him enjoy being a teenage.
      Best wishes.

    13. Farjana611 profile image60
      Farjana611posted 5 years ago

      It's my personal opinion.

      First of all be a good friend to your son. Try to know what's going on his mind! After knowing his opinion you can easily divide the difference between his demand and your home rules. And you can also describe the bad effect if he has any bad intention to not come in home.

      If your home rules is very rude, you should change it and make a favorable environment to your son. Hopefully it will work smile

    14. Kathleen Cochran profile image79
      Kathleen Cochranposted 5 years ago

      I threatened to run away from home once.  My mother showed me to the front porch, closed the front door and locked it.  I was 4.  And I never tried it again.

      I don't know the right answer for you, except to say that children want limits whether they realize it or not.  I'd suggest that you don't change your rules, unless there is abuse or neglect going on.

      He pushing the boundaries and the boundaries are there for a reason: to protect him until he is grown up.  Nobody is grown up at 16.

      Good luck.

    15. mslizzee profile image64
      mslizzeeposted 5 years ago

      That's easy! Take away his I phone, his guitar, his skateboard, his bike, his car keys, his drum set and don't give him any money..

      This from the wicked mother witch.

      Let him select his very own puppy.

    16. Hasham Khan profile image59
      Hasham Khanposted 5 years ago

      aaaah.! it's not too big problem because in teenage about whole teenagers are hot blooded i am also a teenage you don't want to do something because as soon as his anger become down he must come at home because in this world Men can leave his Friends, Lover.etc. But he cannot leave hi parents.

    17. Jade Blount profile image59
      Jade Blountposted 5 years ago

      reminds me of my younger self . teenagers always want there own way so seems maybe thats what he is trying to get. Remember he loves you and when he wants something he return tough love is sometimes the best

    18. bhargvi sharma profile image36
      bhargvi sharmaposted 5 years ago

      Being a kid all i can say, the kid wants its personal space and privacy. A little freedom from the rules  to grow better and independently.

    19. profile image48
      Varpriposted 5 years ago

      Hi
      I think it is only because of your rules. See, this is the age when you have to behave with him like a friend. Do not behave like a dictator. If you set rules for him then he will try to break all the rules. Let him set rules for himself. It’s his life and gives him freedom. Everybody wants freedom in life. You have to understand the fact that he has grown up. He has the right to take his decisions himself.  Try to understand his likes and dislikes. Do all the things that he likes. This will definitely improve your relationship with him. Please make sure you listen to him and try to understand all his situations.

    20. Donna A Lombardo profile image61
      Donna A Lombardoposted 5 years ago

      When my daughter was 16, she decided she wasn't going to come home at the time I specified.  I learned the hard way, when dealing with a rebellious teen, not to grab her by the arm to get her t come home with me. \

      I did that when my daughter and my niece took off with my ex-husband after I forbade them t ride with him when he was drinking. I had to follow them to his friend's house.  I grabbed my daughter's arm and pulled her out of my ex-husband's van.  My niece got out on her own.  I made them get into the car with me and proceeded to drive home.  I lectured them on the way back and also when we went in, on the hazards of riding in a vehicle with a drunk person.  Those girls went into my daughter's bedroom and called the police on me, without me knowing it.   

      Before the police got to the house, my ex-husband came home fussing with me about being a fun killer.  I didn't know he had let my daughter drive his van.  He took them so he could have a designated driver, but my daughter had no drivers license. Neither did he for that matter.

      Anyway, by the time the police got to my house, my ex-husband had already gone to bed.  I heard a knock and when I opened the door, I was shocked.  I asked why they were at my house, so they told me they got a call about domestic violence.  I told them no one was fighting and that I had a disagreement with my then husband about letting my daughter and niece leave with him when I said they couldn't. I told them I had made him wait outside so I could lecture the girls, but they had gone into my daughter's room and locked me out, while I was arguing with my ex-husband.
      I admitted pulling my daughter out of the van by her arm.  They told me that because they had been called to a domestic dispute someone had to go to jail.

      I will give them credit they did try to wake the irresponsible parent up before they took me. He was faking being passed out.  I was married to him long enough to know how easy he was to wake up.  They cuffed me and put me in the back of a cruiser. The policeman I rode with talked to me.  He told me I shouldn't have admitted touching anyone even if it wasn't to do physical harm.  I spent my birthday in jail.

      After I spent the night there, my ex-husband's parents paid to get me out.  They also had their lawyer friend get the charges dropped,  One of the policemen who arrested me told me to call them to make my daughter come home the next time, so I did and it stopped her from doing it again.

    21. Kanishka koul profile image61
      Kanishka koulposted 5 years ago

      This is a very tricky situation... You both are victims and convicts at the same time as maybe you both don't have communication in your relationship with your child and thus don't understand each other's side and c'mon your child is a teen he ought to be a rebel so don't go all harsh on your child with your rules. I understand you want your child to be disciplined so that he/she doesn't disrupt his life but you can do it in more lenient manner by asking him about it.

    22. peachpurple profile image80
      peachpurpleposted 5 years ago

      Talk to him instead of scolding him. Teens wanted freedom, so maybe you try to bend a rule of two and compromise

    23. Pradip Regmi profile image60
      Pradip Regmiposted 5 years ago

      I dont think this is a big problem.may be you are too strict,old thinking(he might thinks) give him some space and some time.may be he is in some problem that he fears to face with his dad mom.i can only say try to be his friend ask him if he has any issues or problems.feel free to talk with your son

    24. profile image52
      Barbara040posted 5 years ago

      be sure he is safe and TRACK HIM. relationships has been my line of work for 5years now and from experience i can boldly say that closure is one of the most important things in any. i have assisted many in getting this sort of closure.(with the help of some private investigating) might get your hands dirty but i can dirty mine to help you out for a small service charge ofcourse. this way, you dont have to worry about being caught. text me at 4692786358. (U.S dial code). segwit2011 at gmail is for technological assistance. rest is up to you.

    25. profile image52
      mumdevposted 5 years ago

      ken i would like to know why your son took the crusal desicon to leve home  ?
      and normaly if you want yor son to be with you then you need to listen his poit in a calm manner , it happens most of the time when dont pay attantion towars your tenager kids the feall like my dad or mom is ignoring , and living the life with that feel your son might hav devloped the insecurity amoungst him self  and lonleyness can harm his mental helth too, you have to talk to hi and this time just let yor son to express his fealing about you and her mom, and pleas do not interrupt in between let him say every thing , and at the end when you will notice that just becouse of misunderstandin between you and your son thats all happend , you need to be calm and admit your mistake with calmness and express your famliy emotion with him, will improve your family situation. with blessing om namoh shivaye...

    26. Alan Grace profile image59
      Alan Graceposted 5 years ago

      The outside world is full of rules and restictions. A person can feel free with their closed ones like parents or friend and if they also start restricting & try to bind then he will definately find someone who can understand him. Children need love not lessons. The can try out these easy tips https://goo.gl/pWFbUF

      1. profile image51
        SadSnowposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Rules are everywhere and they exist for a reason. If all people would follow the rules and law, we would not be suffering now with ungrateful, abusive teenager. I love my son but I will not allow him to disrespect me. I kicked him out of my house.

    27. M Rakhim profile image60
      M Rakhimposted 5 years ago

      Oh it's complicated!! But I will change my rules and behaviour with him /her AND try to understand him /her well and give him/her much love

    28. sammani himasha profile image48
      sammani himashaposted 5 years ago

      maybe he has his own issues, so talk to him in a friendly manner and try to approach and control him in a way that he feels better.

    29. Kayla Inspired profile image61
      Kayla Inspiredposted 5 years ago

      I'd have a 3 point system.
      1-Warning
      2-Punishment-(grounding, no friends over, items taken away, etc.)
      3-Police if refusing to return home. (If you know who he is with I'd contact their parents or go get him.)

      You are the parent, not a friend. He is old enough to know better. He needs to grow up and straighten up.

    30. profile image47
      Basit19posted 5 years ago

      sorry to hear about this sir, you should first of all discuss with him the problem he is having whether that is regarding education or any emotional problem or telling him or convincing him about as a parents that they are in some sort of lack so that we can overcome it.
      secondly talk with his friends that what he wants? why he is behaving like this?
      thirdly Be friendly with him.
      Fourthly give him knowledge regarding how to behave with their parents u can use the sources of religious books or you can give example of big names like thomas edison as her mother lied him about his dismissal of school was because that your student is too intelligent that we cant afford to teach him so at last when thomas became a scientist his mother had died thomas saw a letter in which it was written that ur child is not capable of getting education so a tear comes in eyes.
      so dear try to tell him the sacrifice made by the parents for their children.hopefully it works my prayers are with you.

    31. profile image57
      bengali1poemposted 4 years ago

      I am not enjoying this world.

    32. DzyMsLizzy profile image90
      DzyMsLizzyposted 4 years ago

      It depends on the history with the child.  If they have a habit of kicking over the traces, thinking they know best, violating curfew etc. then I say, tell them, "Good luck out there."  It's called tough love. 
      Some kids just have to learn the hard way that they don't know everything.  Yes, it's very scary, but at that age, they can be very resourceful, and good at finding friends with whom they can stay for short periods.

    33. jennshealthstore profile image84
      jennshealthstoreposted 4 years ago

      Hello. If he is refusing to come home it may be something more than him just not wanting to follow the rules. He still is a child and though he is older, something may be bothering him and he may not know how to express it. It may have something to do with you, or maybe not. I think that having a real genuine one on one talk with him to understand why he is acting the way he is acting may help you to understand why he is doing what he is doing.

    34. leejnahid profile image61
      leejnahidposted 3 years ago

      I think this is a rising problem now-a-days! My little brother do this kinda behavior sometimes. And my mom become so upset for this. That's why I am here in this post, to see what people are suggesting in their reply. Some replies are really helpful, I am gonna show this to my mom.  I think this will help a lot. Thanks to you and to all who replied here with such a great suggestions smile

      1. Kathryn L Hill profile image76
        Kathryn L Hillposted 3 years agoin reply to this

        A teen who is using his free will in this way is motivated to do so for some reason. Find out what the reason is. This may take a lot of sensitivity and introspection on the part of the parents and family members.

        The bottom line concern is whether the child is in immediate grave danger or not.

        To find the child and communicate with him is the best solution.
        First, get him to realize you have his best interests at heart.
        Next, find out what his feelings and problems are.
        Listen.  Accept what he says without criticism, condemnation or nagging. Let him/her talk ... and if he/she needs a therapist or counselor, get one.

        I think the bottom line is communication. That your family member has left is saying a lot ... but not in words.
        You need the words.

    35. erorantes profile image58
      erorantesposted 3 years ago

      Good morning mister Kennet Rey. Around 16 years old, they like to have fun with other teenagers. They like to discover things . You need to turn into his best friend and agree of what he does. Tell him to tell you were he is going and follow him to see if he is telling the true. If he lies, ask him why he is not telling the true. The USA has a lot of freedom for kids. Now, you need to invite his friends over to see who they are. He needs to find a job to keep himself busy and to see how difficult is to make the money. If he does something bad and he needs to pay with money. It will be not fun. Call the missionaries to come and talk to him. The church of Jesus Christ and Later Saints. Look for their number on the internet. You need to let  him choose a good path in his life. He does not have to turn Mormon. The missionaries are trained to deal with any situation. God is on their side and your side. Peace and love for you.

    36. calesraymond profile image59
      calesraymondposted 3 years ago

      you call him and if he does not answer say you will get him something he likes

    37. diamondartkits profile image62
      diamondartkitsposted 2 years ago

      You explained this perfectly!

    38. JooPetriReseller profile image59
      JooPetriResellerposted 2 years ago

      When he does come asking for help he needs to know that he can reside under your roof as long as he obeys your rules..

     
    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)