To daughters out there, what was the VERY WORST thing that your mother SAID to you? Was
THIS a RARE/ONCE IN A WHILE occurrence,done IN THE HEAT OF ANGER or a QUITE COMMON, even NORMAL occurrence that was just typical behavior of your mother? How did such effect your sense of self? If you are a mother, are you a MUCH BETTER mother to YOUR DAUGHTER as a result of this?
My mother and I have a very strained relationship. To this day, it remains complicated - I'm the only child to a single mother. The worst thing she said? There has been much. The very worst was her confiding her own abuse that she'd suffered as a child. We were walking to school at the time, so I must have been 11 years old, or younger. Just awful.
My mother was a very unhappy person for the majority of her life, and our relationship as I grew to adulthood was not good. In fact, I didn't speak to her at all in the final four years of her life. I was an only child, and she just dumped all her unhappiness on me.
Choosing the worst thing she said to me is tough, because she said so many mean, ugly things. I guess the very worst was during a conversation we had in a grocery store, about the guy I was dating while I was in college. To me, he was a sweet, gentle, loving person with a great sense of humor, but to my mother, he was the potential father of her grandchildren, so the conversation started with her asking if we were serious. I told her I didn't know, so she said she thought I shouldn't be serious about him, because she didn't want bald grandchildren. (He shaved his head, but was mostly bald on top.) I told her that was the worst reason ever for not being with someone, especially since neither of us was interested in having children. Mom exploded: how dare I say I wasn't interested in having kids? Didn't I know I would be depriving her of grandchildren. HOW SELFISH! She went on and on about how selfish I was for not wanting children. I told her I didn't think having kids just so she could be a grandmother was a great reason to have them, but that just made it worse.
Didn't want kids then, and never did get around to having any. Mom's desire to be a grandmother didn't enter into that decision making process, but the thought that I might not have the right role model for motherhood certainly did.
That I'm useless, that I'm wasting my life, that I'm ugly and no one will ever love me for who I am. That I need to impress others, that my problems are "stupid", that I'm stupid, that I'm incapable of doing anything right, numerous profanities I can't repeat on a public forum.
I can go on but you get the idea...
Mine was also quite a few like the other ladies who have commented. A couple taking the top spot was:
- When I was probably around 10 or 11 and I must have done something my mother was upset about. She said she wished she'd never had kids and that she wished she was rather dead. Clearly it was very impactful to me or I wouldn't remember it now - 15 years later.
- A year and a half ago she got in an argument with my dad because I had confided in him about something and she felt that I wasn't supposed to tell him things and not her (she described it as me forcing him to have secrets from her). She got into a fight with him about it and he left the house for a few hours. She messaged me telling me that I was the reason they had a fight and that if anything happened to him or he took his own life because of it I would be to blame and I wasn't allowed to attend my dad’s funeral because it would be all my fault.
I have a son now. Not a daughter. But regardless, I strive to be a better mom to him and to never ever utter anything horrible or painful to him. I will love him unconditionally and never make him feel hurt or unwanted. Sometimes words cut deeper than we think.
My mother used to tell us kids (when she was mad about something) "I should have pinched your heads off when you were born." Another was, "Why did you have to be a girl? I wanted a boy." And yet another, "You kids ruined my life! I wish you had never been born!" I told her, when I was an adult, "Well, you should have kept your legs crossed, then."
by kallini2010 3 years ago
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pls do share your opinions
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