When ur daughter got married and take another man's last name, how that make u f

1. 53

   peter565posted 7 years ago

   When ur daughter got married and take another man's last name, how that make u feel?
   
   Growing up in Asia, I don't think I will ever get use to how in the west, women take husband's last name and I don't think I will ever be OK, of having a daughter who take another man's last name after marriage. I image saying "I'm OK with u dating white guy, only if u keep ur last name after marriage and his family is OK with it." I will be furious if she adopt another man's last man's after marriage. I waste 18 years raising her, just so she can, replace it with some other dud's last name? This daughter is dead to me, don't even want her to coming to my funeral.
   
   

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2. 67

   Tusitala Tomposted 7 years ago

   So what is offended?   If it's an idea in your mind (Some people call it a belief) then you're just causing yourself grief.  You're responsible for your thought and its attendant emotions, no one else.
   
   there's this thing called the 'self image' (yes, it's an image, an imaginary concept) that feels it can gain or 'lose face.'    It's the part of you that causes all your pain.
   
   So 'loosen up'. a name change is a name change.  Only egos are offended.

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3. 71

   Aime Fposted 7 years ago

   I didn't change my last name when I got married because my dad died when I was a teenager and it was important for me to keep his last name. 
   
   That said, I think you're being pretty over dramatic.  Your daughter is not your "property" and she is free to do what she'd like with her name.  To some women it's important that they have the same last name as their children, who will likely have taken her husband's last name.  And some women just like the tradition. 
   
   If you're willing to throw your daughter to the curb just because she doesn't want to keep your name once she's married then I suggest you don't have children.  You seem to think they owe you specific things after 18 years and that's not how it works.  If you've done it right then they will love you and respect you, but that doesn't mean you get hold rules over their heads and threaten to disown them if they don't follow.  Wouldn't you want to have raised a daughter who is independent enough to make her own decisions?  Who can stick up for what she wants instead of doing what she's told?  Again, if the answer is no then please don't have kids.

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   1. 67

      Tusitala Tomposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Well said, Aime.   Unfortunately there are still huge numbers of people who think their children are their property rather than 'souls placed in trust' until they can go out into the world on their own.

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4. 70

   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   Hopefully you would love your daughter regardless of what last name she chooses to go by.
   There are far worse things parents have to deal with!
   Having said that people tend to follow their culture and traditions.
   If you do have a daughter and she is raised where you were odds are she'll maintain what is considered traditional in her culture.

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5. 86

   Terrielynn1posted 7 years ago

   I took my husbands last name. It had nothing to do with disrespect for my parents. I did it out of love and respect for my spouse. It depends on your reasons and what you believe. Please don't disown her because of a name. She loves him and that should show you he wants her to have his name. You are judging her too harshly. There is too much going on in the world to walk away from family over this.

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   1. 53

      peter565posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I can understand in the western women taking husband's last name because in pre modern western culture they believe wife is husband's property (lucky it ain't mainstream value anymore), but if she is not from a western background, there is no excuse

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   2. 86

      Terrielynn1posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      No, everyone in my family took our husbands name. Nothing to do with property. We are partners and equals. I have friends who kept their name and that was more confusing Even caused problems when getting passports or travelling out of the country.

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