WHEN SHOULD A CHILD START PAYING FOR THEIR OWN THINGS

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   etauntontvposted 14 years ago

   MY SON IS 19 AND IS NOT PAYING FOR RENT ...HE THINKS EVERYTHING IS FREE ...I NEED HELP TELLING HIM I CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING.  HE SAYS I COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING

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      carboncopymeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      OK.  This requires details here.  You need to tell us soemthing about him.  Is he is college?  Is he in the workforce?  Does he do chores around the house?  Does he follow YOUR rules? Answer those questions and i can solve your problem.

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      Fluffymetalposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My dad started making me pay rent at 18, and it sure got me the hell out FAST!!

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         Fluffymetalposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         By the way,  I payed for every car I owned and payed my way through college.  I've never had much financial support from family, and it only made me more independent.

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            Polly Cposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Interestingly, I didn't have my own car when I was very young, but a few of my friends did. It was actually the children from better off families who had to pay for their own things, by getting jobs waitressing etc. even when they were still studying.

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      rebekahELLEposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      pre-school is a good age to begin teaching about money and it's value. once a child receives an allowance, you can start to teach simple budgeting.
      
      a working 19 year old should be contributing to the household if he's sleeping and eating there.

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   Len Cannonposted 14 years ago

   AT BIRTH
   
   WHO DO BABIES THINK THEY ARE? I DO NOT KNOW WHO THEY THINK THEY ARE BUT I KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY ARE: FREELOADERS!!!!!
   
   IF MY BABY WANTS TO EAT DRINK OR HAVE A CRIB IT BETTER GET A JOB!  DO NOT THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE AN INFANT YOU GET OFF CHEAP!!!!!!!!!  IF THEY WANT TO HAVE THINGS THEY CAN GET A JOB AT THE BABY MODELING COMPANY!
   
   OF COURSE I AM NOT TOTALLY UNREASONABLE. IF THEY CANNOT GET A JOB (UGLY BABIES ARE THE WORST) THEY CAN GO INTO DEBT TO ME AT A 17% INTEREST RATE AND START PAYING ME BACK BY WORKING AS LABOR AROUND THE HOUSE STARTING AROUND AGE 3.
   
   THIS IS WHAT AMERICA IS ALL ABOUT: WORKING FOR YOURSELF AND NOT GIVING AWAY FREEBIES!

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      etauntontvposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I wish i would of put him in modeling and made a buck ...but with his attitude he would say to the modeling agent  I can't do that!

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   Uninvited Writerposted 14 years ago

   19 is definitely old enough to be paying rent.

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      etauntontvposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      ye you would think so but he is only making miminum wage and keep blaming me because we moved from Mass to Florida

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      etauntontvposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      thank you that's what i thought but you know we are all suckers for are kids.. they smile and promise that  they will cut the grass and that doesn't even get done...   I am just sick of the disrespect

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4. 75

   liljen23posted 14 years ago

   Hello Etaunt, I believe when a child turns at least 18 they should be able to be responsible and take care of their own things. I started paying for things on my own at 16 and have been ever since but if he says he is grown and acts like a grownup then he is a grownup and should pay for his own rent.. I would have to give him an ultimatum and tell him if he can't help out with the rent then he needs to leave.. He will have to learn responsibility and help pay for the bills since he is at the age.. I feel that you when you raise a child from birth to 18 years old after that moment they should be able to take care of themselves because you have told them the things they need in order to succeed, morals and how to take care of themselves.

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      etauntontvposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      thanks I need to tell him to get a apartment ...but we just moved from Massachusetts to Florida and is blaming me for being lazy!

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         liljen23posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         You're welcome but the sooner you tell him the better

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         Rochelle Frankposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Can he go back to Mass?

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5. 94

   akirchnerposted 14 years ago

   I agree - at birth! Not really - but from early on, children need to learn that there is not a bottomless pit of money and that all of their needs will be met by mom and dad.  While we live in an age where we are so fortunate and can provide our children with SO many opportunities, sometimes it sends the WRONG message. Our children have forgotten what it  means to earn something on their very own.
   
   I believe in teaching children that everything is NOT free - that there are no hand-outs (including from me) in life.  However, in this day and age where many people let their children live at home it seems forever, even my 3 adult children have tried to con us into helping them out at various times - or even suggested living with us (our oldest son). 
   
   Set boundaries - but make sure you set them with love and good feelings rather than bad.  I just have explained to my adult son in his 30's that I am a) too old to have people living with me and b) I have no desire to support him or at least semi-support him at my advanced age of 57.  He was ticked for a bit - I guess he thought it would float.  We could all be 'one big happy family' - NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.  We are too different, too diverse, and it is just better for our kids to learn how to live on their own - the old pushing them out of the nest idea.  That is how they fly!
   
   You can be supportive in many ways to your children - it doesn't mean that we have to literally support them, however!

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      etauntontvposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      thank you i really need to push him out the door ..it's making me feel over whelmed

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6. 82

   Rafiniposted 14 years ago

   I don't understand.  According to your profile you want to help other parents...how do you intend to help other parents if you're struggling so much?  just curious....

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      Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That's quite normal online. Just look at all those struggling people who teach others to make money

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7. 61

   KayeKeatleyposted 14 years ago

   Does your child have a job? If so, the child should be paying for somethings already... Both of my kids pay for their gas while they have jobs during the summer.  Our 18 year old will be paying for his a little longer because he can work and go to school(jr. college) at the same time. While his sister, who will be 17 will only have her job until the end of summer and she will have school and athletics. The deal we always made with them was we would help them as long as they helped as well.
   If your child is over 16, they need to start learning the value of the dollar and find at least a part time job and helping pay for their own things.

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   Diane Insideposted 14 years ago

   I started paying for alot of my own things at fifteen when I got a job. Such as clothes, I hated my moms taste. She insisted on what she wanted and if I wanted something different I would have to pay for it. Her way of making me pay for it myself no doubt.
   But they never kick any of us out we all just left when we were ready. I left at seventeen. Brothers stayed till they were twenty. And my sister left around nineteen. All married and living on their own.
   
   For all of us it was more of a , "I don't want my parents to know every move I make." kind of thing, ha ha.
   
   Get nosey ask him all the time where he is going , what he is doing, he'll get tired of it and leave. lol

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   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   Shortly after you teach them about money, the power it has and the respect it deserves. There are simply too many people being completely ignorant about financial matters, even on the lowest scale.

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    mega1posted 14 years ago

    if they're gonna start having sex, might better learn a bit about money while they're at it cuz they may be needing to hunker down on the job soon enough!  I'd say yeh, ready for sex? earn some money then, and learn how to use it - plus also it might take their minds off the sex for awhile!

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    Stacie Lposted 14 years ago

    when grown children don't have to be accountable,then they are being robbed of an learning experience. every human needs to fail in order to learn from it and grow....

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12. 59

    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    I help my daughter pay her rent. She has a great job but minimal hours, she hasn't "stopped" going to school - i.e. after HS, she did college courses during the summer, she has a full load again this summer.  She works and studies very hard & we help as much as we can.  For me the education is more important - she's already got a good grip on finances.

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       Lisa HWposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Jane, we did similarly with our kids.  I think it all depends on the situation, on whether the kids have that "grip" on financial stuff but are still not at the point where they're out on their own, etc. etc.
       
       My parents' approach was that they paid for everything necessary, but if I wanted "extras" beyond what they covered I could have a part-time job to cover the extras.  I think most kids want to be independent, but in this day and age it can take some of them a little longer to get to where they can be.  I just think a little flexibility and assessing each thing on a case-by-case basis makes sense.
       
       Not long ago my grown (REALLY grown) son's cat got cancer.  My son has been on his own since he was 18, and he works hard at trying to get in solid financial shape.  In the meantime, the cat's surgery wasn't something he had the cash for at the time, so his father covered it for him.  A friend said to my son's father that some psychologist told him parents should NEVER pay for anything for their grown kids.      ?????  Sometimes that kind of rule is meant to broken once in awhile, because in the end, there's something to be said for being able to spare even a grown kid one kind of heartache or another.  If you're secure in your son or daughter's sense of independence, willingness to work hard, awareness of sensible spending, etc. etc, you're secure enough to help even those grown kids once in a while.   

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    Polly Cposted 14 years ago

    Well, you say you have just moved to Florida - I don't know how long ago, but has he had time to find his feet a bit?  Has he tried to look for a job - was he earning any money or studying before you moved, or is he just lazy?  Or maybe he would like to have a job yet it is finding it hard or demoralising, as jobs are harder to come by at the moment.  Only you know your own son...

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14. 73

    Jeff Berndtposted 14 years ago

    Well, I haven't read everything, but my wife and I have a general policy about what the kids have to pay for on their own. If they want something that they really don't need, but isn't illegal or immoral (that is, we don't actively disapprove of it, but don't see any reason why we should give it to them, either) we let them pay for it themselves. As of now, with them only getting a meager allowance, they can't afford much. Nor do they really want much outside the norm. But when they start wanting designer labels and other trendy stuff they don't need, well, they'll have to save up or get a job.
    
    Of course, you can't go back in time to when you 19-year-old was six, but maybe if you limit your support to food, shelter, and (non-designer) clothing, he'd feel more motivated to go find some work.

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    lxxyposted 14 years ago

    I think a child should learn responsible finances as early as possible. I've had a job since I was 12, off and on. And started work full time when I was 18.

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    starme77posted 14 years ago

    well , I think at this point its too late for weather or not this child was taught at pre-school level - obviously , even if she tried there is something he didn't get , my advice - stop saying anything to him about rent or food or a job or anything - and stop having much food around the house - put some stuff under your bed for yourself and eat it when he isnt around - dont buy any of his favorite things , if he wants to go somewere , tell him you dont have the gas money etc.... things like that , I wont go into complete detail here but you get the picture - now, give him a chance , pretty soon he will start complaining , when he does , leave the room , do this for a few weeks , then tell him all he does is complain, and if he wants things he needs to go get them for himself - something like that anyway - see throw the complaining back on him is my point - walk the little shit right into it

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