It is often said now adays that we as parents aren't doing such a good job with teaching our kids meaningful basics and love in life. Instead we now work too hard, have not enough time to spend with them, or just not that equiped for the whole parenting life just yet. We should really take time out and look back at the parenting skills of our parents and grandparents. They taught us and punished us with love and care. Whatever happen to taking parenting serious and giving it your all to raise your kids in a good loving harm free home.Parents of all ages and styles take a grab at parenting by evaluating yourself and family.
i agree 100% that we parents should start to put more attention to our children instead of working 7days a week. Parents shouldn't think that by providing materialistic items could replace our presence. Children will go astray when mixing wrong company. Maids and old folks may be able to provide care during daytime but what about the wrong doings? Who will teach and punish these children to tell them what is right or wrong? Parenting is not easy but worth to give some thought. Otherwise, we shouldn't give birth to this innocent lives.
LOVE and a desire to nurture should be second nature to the true parent. When you realize that the baby grew inside of the Momma's belly it is actually an internal part of her, and the Daddy can have labor pains as well (or morning sickness). To reflect on parents with lots of children, by choice or by lack of planning, well I would advise them to take a long hard look at how beautiful God is in a child as an individual, and know that there can be no favorites, or no judgements when it comes to who the children are. Yes, the grandparents have a great influence on the children as well. The children will always need their approval too, so don't be too hard on them.
As the mom of three (now grown) kids, with one adopted from infany and two that I had myself, I'd disagree that the baby is a "an internal part of" his mother. Babies and children are very much separate little human beings. I joke that nothing made that clearer than when I was expecting my daughter and would try to sleep, while she apparently "decided" to start her day of kicking and moving around. Besides, knowing the bond I have with my son (the adopted one) and the very same bond I have with his brother and sister, it's very clear to me that babies aren't part of the mother who carried them. They have their own set of genetics, minds, blood type, etc. etc.
Having said all that, though, there's no doubt that the bond that should form between mothers and their children is unique and amazingly powerful.
If fathers have "labor pains" or morning sickness - I'm sorry - they need to either get a grip or else get a counselor. There's something "off" about that! Seriously.. Guys may may do that, but I think there's something "off" about one who does.
As far as the OP's question, goes - I don't necessarily think parents always doing a worse job of being parents than previous generations were. I think things we see that aren't all that great in children and teens is more a matter of the pendulum swinging to far, and maybe a lot of today's parents don't have the sureness or the back-up from society to keep that pendulum from swinging too far (so things have gotten out of hand in a lot of ways). Still, there were a lot, a lot, of ignorant parents in previous generations.
One reason that pendulum swung so far is that a lot of people of my generation and the next one came along and said, "I'm not going to do the stuff my parents did." So, they went a little too far in the other direction. Not all parents of earlier generations were completely ignorant, though. Some have some good methods/ideas. Some weren't ignorant at all. I think, though, that those who had really capable parents were in the minority, and the majority had so many kids of those parents had so many axes to grind with their own parents they didn't notice the ways in which their parents were right. So, people of my generation seemed to throw the baby out with the bathwater when they had their own kids.
Some people of my generation (I'm one) had parents who were really, really, capable of raising children who were decent people, well behaved (for the most part), good students, etc. etc. without hitting, yelling, or using the word, "punish". They were kind, loving, understanding, parents who knew how to (as my mother put it) "just tell kids right from wrong". When we did do something wrong they'd talk about why they saw it as wrong, what they expected, etc. etc. They'd also talk about the natural consequences of what happens when someone does something like not do homework, lie, or whatever other things kids mess up on.
So, I saw how parents can be the kind of parents I had and pretty much was the same kind of parent with them. Because we had more money, and because I was more aware that I needed to supplement my kids' public school education; I did put in more effort in those areas than my mother did. Even when my kids were little, though, I did need to go against what a lot of other people in my generation were doing (because they had the "tough" kind of parents who resorted to physical violence because they didn't know any better, and because they had decided they wouldn't treat their kids with that kind of lack of respect or have a house where there was violence). So, it took the same kind of strength and independent thinking to stand up to peer pressure for me, as the mother of little kids in my early thirties; as it would take a teen who faces similar peer pressure. No problem, though: I had kind, loving, non-physically-violent, non-yelling, respectful, parents who had raised a kid who was strong-thinking and not one to go along with peer pressure. I had respected my parents, gotten respect back from them, grown up to be a parent who respected each child as a little individual with his own mind and feelings, and gotten respect back from each of those children.
Anyway, the point (after all these words) is that I don't necessarily think today's parents are all that bad or all that wrong. They just either haven't seen good enough examples of how to tell kids right from wrong, how to set some limits, etc. without being oppressive. Also, they don't have the support from society and schools that my parents and their peers had.
Parents need to be ready to be parents, have a lot of common sense, know how to make children feel safe, secure, and treasured; and they need a solid understanding of human nature and children's emotional development. In general, I think the world and history has been full of parents who aren't quite up the to job, and the problems that happen with kids as a result have simply changed in nature.
All over the Internet there are parents (a lot younger than I am) who say, "People don't punish and hit their kids these days! You have to hit them!" and even (I love this one), "My baby is seven months old. How do I discipline him. I don't want him to grow up and think he doesn't have to sleep at night." (that kind of thing) Ignorance about child development and human nature is not generation-specific.
I think having one parent working- if possible is best.
The more care and time you spend on your children, the better.
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by romper20 8 years ago
I don't have pre teen children, but I say spank away.
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What do you think we have lost from previous generations?
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