Whenever my son comes home from his godparents' house, it feels as though I've taken 2 steps backward in parenting. He leaves with respect and discipline and returns a whiny, disrespectful, defiant kid who I barely recognize.
When I'm there with him I use my own rules, his godmother knows how we raise him and how we are with him. But when we leave she throws all of that out the window. She coddles him and doesn't put him down, if he so much as falls on the carpet she rushes over to pick him up and make a big deal out of it. He's allowed to do everything he's not allowed to do here, like taking things off the table; and when she tells him no and he does it again directly after, she smiles and gives in and thinks it's cute. (I only know these things because she is still acting this way when we come to pick him up) Needless to say the week following his time there is a very long one.
I don't know what to do about it, or if I should even do anything at all about it. Maybe I should just deal with the 4 or 5 day attempt to re-do everything and remind him that he's at home.
Has anyone else had this problem?? I feel so torn between wanting my son to be the person I'm raising him to be, and not wanting to cause friction...and I'm also a little afraid that maybe it's not such a big deal. I feel like a freakin' tyrant.
How often does your son spend the weekend with his Godparents?
Do the Godparents have kids of their own?
My mom has told me that I'm overly-strict with my kids, which surprised the heck out of me, considering the way I was raised. I don't think your problem is terribly unusual.
My wife and I deal with this sort of thing by telling the kids, "Yeah, maybe so-and-so let you do that, but I'm not so-and-so. So go pick up your toys."
And then we make them pick up their toys. (Or whatever.)
The important thing is the follow-through. If you tell them they have to do a thing, you have to make sure they do it, or else they get some kind of unpleasant consequence, and then they still have to do the thing.
It's also important to pick your battles. Decide what you'll put up with, and what you won't. Talk about it with your spouse and make sure you're on the same page, and be sure that you both enforce your rules consistently. Your kids will soon learn what they can and can't do. They want those limits, believe it or not. And they need them.
This is a tough thing to deal with. Unfortunately this is something all parents go through. The best way to handle it is to decide what issues are a big deal to you. When my daughter goes to her grandparents house she is allowed to do or get things that my parents would have never allowed when I was a kid. That is just what being a grandparent/aunt/uncle...is about. Think back when you were a kid and how certain family members would allow some rules to fall to the side when you stayed with them. If there are certain things you are trying to teach your child or things your child is having issues with then those things need to be addressed to the person watching them and you need to stress the importance of it so that they understand why but don't expect the person watching your child to do everything the way you would.You child will soon learn what rules they are to follow and you won't always feel like the rule maker!!
I think, most of us, have had this problem. Whether it is with rules, chores, or gifts, my in-laws spoil my kids to death. My oldest has come to the conclussion, if he wants something, he runs to Grandma. He is only five. In your situation, I don't think your in too much trouble, depends on the age actually. That age of 4-8 or so, is usually the group that doesn't understand. Of course, the older they get, the less of a distraction it becomes. Most times, not always. I know you have already talked to him, but he may not fully understand what he is doing. With the Godparents, they have to understand your wishes. This is your child. If it is really becoming a problem, you have to tell the Godparent. They should be fully dependent on your request. Until then, nothing will work. It only confuses a child. They can't learn when right is right one day, and the next day, it is wrong. Most kids don't carry this logic of understanding at a young age. If it is not a big problem, I wouldn't worry about it that much. You know what it causes. It is your choice.
I agree with lala74 people always spoil your children and then we as parents are left to put things back in order which makes us look like the bad guys but it has to be done. The way to try and deal with this in my opinion is to talk to the people concerned because it is hard enough being a parent without other people making it harder even though we know there intentions are good.
My daughter recently had her second birthday, and I have never seen her act more spoiled in my life. Next year we are foregoing the "princess" treatment and doing something fun, but less lavish.
I think extended family/friends aren't as concerned with how small actions affect your child's behavior. They don't mean harm, they just want to show their love, but they don't have the same parenting goals as we do.
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