My oldest daughter is two now, and her daycare says that they want to have all their kids potty trained by the time they're 3.
I don't want to rush her into anything, but just recently, I started thinking maybe she was getting ready to try. She kept pulling her pants down and taking her diaper off. So ... we got a potty chair, and sat her on it, and she freaked out big time! They had the same experience at the daycare when they tried to put her on the pot.
So, my main question is: Was I reading those signals wrong? Is my girl, in fact, not ready to potty train at all? Or am I just not doing it right?
Also, I know there are a ton of books about potty training. I'm just not sure where to start looking. Any recommendations? Thanks in advance!
Mine all came out of nappies (sorry - diapers) in the summer before they turned 3.
My eldest hated traditional potties, so I bought her one that looked like a miniature 'grown up' toilet and she was quite happy with that. The rest all followed suit.
Being the summer, I put them into underpants instead of diapers during the day. That way, they quickly learned that wet clothing cools very quickly and is uncomfortable. If they wanted a diaper on, well they could have it.
I didn't 'train' any of them. Kids develop at their own rate. I had a set of twins and one 'cottoned on' quicker than the other.
Never make a fuss, I think that is important. I think they might have been 3 before they were dry. No matter, so long as they are out of diapers by the time they go to school at 5.
Thanks, Izzy. I like how you put the word "train" in quotes. Isn't that funny? I never really thought about the term. You're right, of course. We shouldn't treat our children as if they were dogs. They need to develop at their own pace. I just want to make sure I'M ready when my daughter is.
Oh you will be don't worry
The main thing is not to force her - if she cries and doesn't want to use the po', don't force her because that will create an association in her head which might be hard to shift.
Maybe you should get one of those little toilet potties, they are great and little kids feel all grown up using them. Maybe your little girl will love it and that will your problem solved
Or was that the one they tried already? Maybe a stepping stool up to the big toilet then with s smaller insert for her.
When she's ready, she'll want to use it herself anyway
She's actually experienced both already, the poor girl. We have a little potty seat that looks like the big toilet. That's what she put her big stuffed bear on. At the daycare, they just have the big toilet with the potty insert. That's the one she really got scared on, so I think we'll just stick with the little potty for now. Seems to be a little easier for her. She did actually sit on it herself - with all her clothes and diaper on. That's progress, anyway!
We gave them a piece of candy every time they went to the bathroom. Three out of four are good to go. The baby is not old enough.
When they're 10 and still in diapers worry. At 2 or 3, no pressure. It's really just not that big of a deal. My first child waited till about 3 then he just started doing it with no problems. The two year old now is sporadic. sometimes he says something, sometimes he just goes on the fly. If you try to force them, and it becomes something they're crying about and you're fighting...DON"T! They'll get it. And when they do get excited and laugh and clap and they'll associate it with fun and not with being pressured.
I had the same thing happen with my daughter, so I too, tried to "train" her, She too didn't handle it very well, and is 7 now and can still wet the bed at night. I have a second child who I did nothing with, he "trained" himself at three, one morning he just got up and said "mummy i'm not wearing nappies anymore" and that was it! he was toilet trained morning and night, and very rarely wets the bed.
From experiece I say, take things slow, and let your child let you know when they are ready, take her to the toilet with you and others, especially other children, I think that was the difference with my children, my son was in childcare, my daughter wasn't, and my son often saw that other "little people" went to the toilet too!
Be patient, do not rush things, but try it and try it, and try it. Gently and lovingly. It will come to it. But do not force and do not scare into it. Any good habit needs time to develop.
Tell her, look at mommy, gesture to seat at the toilet bowl and tell her to also follow you by seating at her potty. Then appreciate it by clapping your hands, yes it takes patience. Sometimes they are shy and scared about it, just smile and don't force her.
There are many hubs written on the topic along with videos. You could take a look and see if you find some helpful advice.
Your daughter sounds like she is aware, which to me would be a first sign that she may be ready to begin the process. I can't recommend a certain method over another because I think all children are unique, and their situations are different. I wouldn't force her if she is crying. Does she wear the potty training pull-ups?
Thanks, rebekah. I'll have to look at those hubs.
She doesn't really cry so much as run out of the room screaming, "no!"
I'm not forcing her at all, although it sounds like they did at the daycare one day. I don't think they're doing it anymore. The thing is, I think we've all stopped encouraging her altogether, and she doesn't really seem to mind. :-(
Yesterday, however, she did walk into the bathroom and look at the big toilet, so I might have to start encouraging her again!
Gosh I am definately not a "potty expert" but I have raised 3 healthy sons ,all who hated being potty trained.
Of course,like most new mothers I stressed over every child developement milestone, and I recall with horror the amount of time and worry I put in over 'poop' :lol;
Thank God my dad,having raised 9 kids, was my 'sane voice of reason' though his wisdom often clashed with whatever current baby book advisor recommended.
For instance ,allowing junior to go pantless part of the day,so he/she becomes aware of 'pee',then matter of factly guiding them to the potty (so they make the cognitive connection, this means that) It was also summertime,so he was outside in the yard alot-perfect natural training.
After 1,or 2 episodes ,try the potty thing ,and hopefully they have made the connection.
Worked for my firstborn.
Dont leave them on the potty for more than a few minutes,or they will identify it with a kind of punishment ,emotions then unsettle junior and nobody pees under those condition lol.
My second child skipped the potty all together ,because he had teenager brothers and wanted to be a big boy like them.
Junoir toilet seat solved that 'lil darlin'
My third tended to be a mixture of both, but for him ,more was better, another words ,because he tended to complain about anything that wasnt 'fun' I would have one for his 'giant soft toy' and one for him. I would put buddy on his potty , then he accepted sitting on his (dubiously) but we got there.
Bottomline ,Kids are all different ,try not to stress about it and they wont either.
I wish you well ,trust me ,these days will pass
You can also try using real underwear and putting plastic pants over them. (I think you can still buy the plastic potty pants).. I used pull ups on my daughter and she thought it was just like a diaper because it aborobed. As soon as she was in real underwear, she did not like the feel of being soiled. Of course, it's a good way to know if they are ready too. The plastic pants cover up the underwear and protect your furniture or their clothes, some. Either way as everyone has told you, don't rush it. Children can be surely scared during potty training and become fearful. Lots of patience and lots of encouragement...
Dallaswriter, we tried putting her in Pull-ups once, but they got soaked, and she didn't even mention it. We haven't even tried real underwear yet. And I definitely haven't let her run around without anything on yet (a lot of people have recommended that to me). I guess I'm just too much of a coward!
That's interesting about the stuffed toy, Eaglekiwi. The other day, my daughter actually put her giant stuffed bear on her potty, and I thought, "Okay. This is it!" So I encouraged her to go, but she wasn't having any of it.
Oh, the potty training days... It's definitely a more of a long distance run than a sprint; it's too bad, in a way, that the day care insists on it, because from my experience, why she's ready, she's ready.
Mine had good weeks and bad weeks for a while--depending on how busy we were, if she was ill, etc. She's definitely showing signs of being ready. We tried a few different options with ours: we got a small potty and a potty seat and let her pick them out at the store. She got to choose which she liked better (at first the small potty) and that helped.
She also was not one to respond to stickers or charts, but. . . she did respond to m&ms (just one!). Lastly (after a few months of partial success), when I had a week with no interruptions, we just put her in her "big girl pants." She had two accidents, and then got it--the pull-ups and diapers are almost too good and keep them too dry. Once she could feel herself go, she got it.
She'll get the hang of it; hang in there!
I hope my little girl responds to the stickers. We just bought the Safety 1st Potty Rewards system!
I think M&Ms are definitely a good way to go, though. She loves those!
I knew I forgot something, though - the underwear! I've got to try that. I know, if I keep her in a diaper, she's not ever going to feel like she needs to go.
I love children and they r our future...I believe in the safety of every child. Must have patience in potty training and make it fun.
they're writing a story on the forum marked books & lit & writing...it's funny & people r adding 2 it 2c how far its goes. go to lets write a story..tell us what's next in the story...this is a good way to get known... have fun..
check out the brave storys also on my hubs
I love the memories of teaching/training my kids all those years ago!
I had heard (back then) that girls were easier than boys to potty-train, and my own experience bore that out, although I do recognize that there are many individual differences in kids.
I agree with all who have said:
*when she's ready, it will come easily;
*don't stress about it or treat is as punishment;
*give a lot of praise (and possibly treats that mean something to her) for success;
*treat the "failures" like "oh, well - didn't work this time, but it probably will next time";
*using cloth pants or cloth diapers can hasten her awareness of what is happening - help her to become more alert to her body's signals;
*peer pressure (actually peer example) can be used to help with motivation.
When my kids were little, there was a book making the rounds that was called "Toilet-Train Your Child in 24 Hours" - or something like that. The idea really horrified me, until I read it and saw that its primary value was to help parents develop intentional techniques and to focus on it as a learning process. I used some of the techniques (many of which have been mentioned in this thread) with success.
The "24-Hour" idea was mainly to ask the parent to give the teaching process a focused time - but not in a pressuring, punitive way. For working parents, that could mean to focus on the toilet teaching-training over a weekend or a long weekend. It doesn't mean that the child will magically become trained in that time, but the focused teaching can give a great kick-start to the process.
The biggest factor in success, though - emphasized here over and over, with good reason - is the child's own readiness.
Don't forget that there is an enormous difference between younger two's and older two's. I taught two-year-olds in Sunday School for several years (truly a favorite age of mine!), and I continued to be amazed to see how just a few months could make such a difference in a child's abilities in many different ways.
A couple of phrases to use lovingly with your child, in introducing or affirming many different skills, are:
"Now that you are getting bigger and bigger, you can do so many new things!" and
"Not ready yet? You'll be able to, when you're ready." Smile.
i would like to share some tips based from my experience. children are very curious by nature. the best way to help them learn is by teaching them using the five senses, but in potty training, use only the three senses (you'll surely skip using the sense of taste and sense of smell strategy ).
1. stimulate their brain using the sense of hearing by telling them stories about potty training, why they have to do it and what are it's benefit to them throughout the day as the need arises (best done during diaper changes). When they start to be curious move on to the next step using the sense of sight by showing them them pictures of of a "potty". As their curiosity increases by asking more questions, then you'll know it is now time to introduce him to "potty training" using the sense of touch. You can bring the child to a department store and encourage them to feel, touch, sit on the potty he/she likes. When the child decide to sit on one of the display, ask them how he/she feels? Ask him/her if he/she would like to use and have one. If they agree, give them the freedom to choose which potty he/she would like you to buy. I'm sure if you try this strategy, there'll be less frustration on your part. There will be little or no resistance and screaming.
Thanks for the ideas, glorgeousmom.
At this stage, we're using the sight and touch approach. She sees the potty and sees me using it. And she's even started playing with the little potty chair my mom and dad have at their house.
I guess I just need to "talk it up" more, so we can get he hearing part in!
LOL, Aficionada! I saw that book yesterday and thought, "Wow! Talk about high pressure!" It's good to know that's not really what the book is like.
And that's a good point about younger 2's vs. olders 2's. My daughter is a young 2 (born in January). Maybe I just need to wait a few more months.
by the time my 2nd child reached two years old she was already using the regular toilet. she was the one who requested to use the regular toilet because she feel nauseated from the foul smell and we were able to remedy it by flashing the toilet right after she flushes out her body waste but she still used the potty to eliminate liquid waste during night time.
Aficionada is right that it still depends on the readiness of the child and I add it will also depend on the eagerness and the willingness of the child based from my own experience with my three children.
All kids are different, but here is what I did with all three of mine.....
Make a huge deal about those YUCKY NASTY wet diapers, and start letting her wear the training pants from time to time. Take her into the bathroom when you go so she sees it is a big girl thing. Some kids are afraid of the toilet for fear of falling in. Perhaps a preventive measure secured to make her feel safe. My mom put an old large pillow taped to the lid for me, and it only lasted a couple of days. Encourage the good successes, and dont punish the misses. She will get it.
It looks like you've already gotten some great replies! My daughter did not get potty trained until a couple of months ago, at 2 1/2. I started trying to get her trained before she turned 2. It can get frustrating! I had my son potty trained by 2 and started him at 18 months. BUT it is always on THEIR TIME, not ours, no matter how badly we want it!
I think the most frustrating part about trying to get my daughter potty trained was that she started going in the potty (#s 1 and 2) before she turned 2. She regressed, though; it was the worst! She, around 2, started to refuse to sit on the potty at all.
She seemed to hate being pressured. I went through at least 2 or 3 packages of pull-ups because she wet them with no second thoughts. Inconsistency doesn't help either; like, my husband or I forgot some days in the beginning.
I bribed her. I offered her fruit snacks if she went to the potty. And that was a battle at times; she would demand and cry for fruit snacks even though she hadn't gone to the potty!
I purchased her a potty book that flushes. She wanted to read it everyday. And Elmo has a potty DVD that she enjoyed.
I put her in "big girl" underwear. She really like the idea of that. You have to call it "big girl" underwear! And everytime she wet or messed them up, I calmly explained that she can't mess up her big girl undies. She really had a fit about potentially not being able to wear them. She messed them up several times before she got it. And it was very frustrating having to clean the underwear sometimes. But patience is key!
I asked her to go the potty at least three times per evening (I work full-time) and asked her teachers to start putting her on the potty every hour. Your daughter's teachers/school, by the way, cannot tell you when to potty train! The turning point was really when her teachers started working with her and when she graduated to the potty training class and saw her friends going to the potty. She still wouldn't poop in the potty! It had been at least 9 months since she's pooed in the potty, and one day she just did. And I gave her all of the fruit snacks she wanted for it!
Remember... it will happen on her time! And it will likely take longer if you pressure her or scold her! Exposure helps, not so much books for you, but books and DVDs for her.
As a mother of two young ladies of tomorrow who are now 13 and 15 years old - my advice is given to you as it was given unto me when I was potty training my daughters from a lovely woman their babysitter Ms. Erma Lee Harris :)God Bless you! Do not use the pull ups! Go from diapers to panties/underwear and monitor the intake of liquids and the outgoing of it. It's not hard to do but, it does require time and patience of the Mother. But, that's what God gives us in order to be one too! If you are that busy - use a log and keep track.
We tried all the potty tapes, VHS at the time song singing, books and the likes my husband and me sang songs when they peed and pooped - we still have the videos! LOL but, none of the things we tried worked until we actually handled the problem and literally handled it and monitored it. It works like a charm - 1, 2 days at the tops! Good Luck!
it's been a long time, but I remember my Mom's advice. She said she had never met anyone who didn't learn.
I think chald's advice is sound.
I had two boys and one girl, and they all did the same thing. When they were 15 mos or so, and I put the potty out for them, they were all enthusiastic and would want to sit on it. I'd be sitting on the edge of the tub, waiting for "something to happen", and nothing ever did. I'd get sick of sitting on the edge of the tub and tell them if nothing was going to happen they could try later. That's when they'd start crying because they didn't want to leave the potty. My tail bone would be killing me from sitting on the tub, and I'd finally just say, "OK. We need to leave now." They'd scream and scream, and I'd end up pretty much carrying them, kicking and screaming, out of the bathroom. I was still inviting them to try the potty when they eighteen months, just under two, etc. etc. The closer they got to two, the less interested in "trying their nice little toilet that was just for them".
That fruitless enthusiasm each of them had before two years old ended with their second birthday, and things got worse and worse as they got to two-and-a-half. They eventually got out of diapers, but it was well past two-and-a-half.
I think there were a couple of major obstacles. One is that two-year-olds like routine and get upset with change. (This wasn't my doing - honest - but my kids took it upon themselves to worry about whether they'd have an accident. In underwear, they worried more than with diapers. So I think those were the two big obstacles.
I ended up teaching them all by letting them get in the habit of using the potty while still wearing diapers. That eliminated their feeling insecure about being underwear. They didn't feel sure that they weren't going to have an accident, so it seemed as if they couldn't really deal with BOTH the underwear issue and the using-the-potty issue. They were little worriers at two, and they worried that the potty would tip; so they learned from a seat on the "real" toilet. I think they may have been too young to be afraid they'd "fall down the hole" (maybe that's more for three year-olds - not sure). Mine weren't afraid of that, though.
Anyway, when they were "practicing" at home, I'd ask them to just try using the toilet if they needed to go. Sometimes they did. Sometimes they didn't. At least they weren't worried about getting "wetties" all over their clothes or them.
I did figure out (and this did work) that instead of staying at home and trying to get them used to using the toilet while we were home, I'd say and do little about the toilet issue while we were home. Instead, I'd tell them we were going out "for just a little while", and "we're going to try big boy underwear just for while we're out". I'd tell them we'd be back soon, but if they needed to go to tell me. I'd tell them we'd be out for such a short time "chances are" they wouldn't have to go anyway. The trip out might just be going out in they yard for 45 minutes, or it might be a half-hour trip to a nearby store.
They seemed willing to cooperate "for just this little while". I guess they felt sure that they could manage for a short time.
Of course, I talked to them about how they did need to get used to not wearing diapers, and they understood that "big kids" didn't wear diapers. They actually seemed like they wanted to get out of diapers, but they just seemed like they were having "some problem with it".
What I think helped was approaching it with this attitude, "I know you're not very comfortable getting used to using the toilet, but I have an idea about how, maybe, I can help." I tried to create the idea that "we both" ("of course") wanted them to learn, but I knew they needed my help because they were little, and it's not always easy to get used to something so new.
Anyway, they were OK with the short trips out, and I promised them they could have the diaper back as soon as we got home. At first, that's we did. The next thing was that I'd say, "Hey! You did great. Why don't wait a little while until you feel like you need the diaper." It got so they were less and less interested in getting the diaper back on, and from there I proposed the idea that they try using the toilet "since they liked having underwear on". They did, and the only time we'd go back to the diaper was at bedtime. For a long time before that the diaper had been dry all night anyway, but I kept using diapers at night quite awhile after they'd started using underwear days. The gradually increasing trips out helped them build confidence, because I pretty much made sure (at least as much as I could) that they'd experience success with the shorter trips.
Somewhere between starting those quick trips out and their using the toilet all the time, I increased the length of time we'd be out (in other words, pushed my luck ). It had gotten so they'd "try" before going for a longer trip, so I knew they wouldn't need a restroom while we were out. I'd tell them if they did "we" could use a "bathroom" where we were. Maybe somewhere in there they used a public restroom, but I don't really think they did. I think they were more like four by the time I paid less attention to who "tried" before we left the house and left their "bladder doings" up to them to worry about (for the most part).
All kids are different, so I don't necessarily think this approach would work for everyone; but regardless of the child's nature and worries, I do think it helps to break down the "complaints" or worries a child has, help him deal with/eliminate each, one at a time. Maybe that's more important when they're two because of "the routine thing". Maybe some younger toddlers aren't old enough to worry about things like getting "yukkies" or "wetties" on them, or their clothes. Maybe two years olds have just gotten way too used to wearing diapers (to the point where what wouldn't have been a "routine" has long been one).
Looking back, in those days when they were fifteen months/eighteen months or so, and I'd invited them to try to potty I hadn't really given a whole lot of thought to exactly when it was they were likely to need to have to go. I thought about it, but I didn't "get it down to a science" the way I later did when I finally figured out to try the quick-trips thing. When they were one (or so) it was always a matter of trying to guess when the timing was just before the diaper would be wet. I didn't even think about the other "business", because my main concern was that they'd learn to wet in the potty first.
My thinking was that wetting happened far more often. I figured I'd deal with that first, and then be better able to know when "the other business" was about to happen. It just seemed natural to assume they'd see wetting as less of a big deal than using the potty for the other thing.
Basically, at fifteen months/months months they seemed pretty clueless about anything other than seeing the potty as a fun thing to sit on (and do nothing). By two they were old enough to be worrying about it tipping over, their own mishaps, etc. etc. Younger-than-two's often don't have quite the "mind of their own" that closer-to-two's do. Between that, and the worrying thing, I've often wondered if the worst age to try to teach them is the very age at which most people try to.
Maybe there's some "magic" age (for each child, and depending on that child), and if you miss it - forget it, until they're old enough to just tell you what it is they're worried about, and object to - and then you can just address it. I think that was a big factor for my kids. By the time the "real" (as opposed to "practice") training happened, they were able to just tell me what the problem was, and they were able to understand the whole "plan" I proposed about "just trying to go with undies for a quick trip out".
I don't know... Maybe I made a bigger deal out of it than it should have been; but you know that joke about how "no kid ever goes to kindergarten in diapers?" I was actually starting to feel like mine had gotten so attached to the security of their diapers they might actually be the kid to prove that saying/joke wrong. That third birthday was looming, and I wasn't seeing the approach I'd been using being very effective. ("There's your nice little toilet. Let me know any time you want to use it." They'd agree, and then that was the end of it. They were clearly not about to "let me know" if I didn't think up a better plan. )
Oh well.. I can now confidently join all those people who say, "No kid ever goes to kindergarten wearing diapers." I sure haven't been so confident for those three child-years of my life.
Well looking at her for when se is ready is a good start. I am a mother of 4 children and we are potty training my 3rd son who will be 3 in july right now. We had originally started him out in November, but he had his tonsils taken out so we stopped. Then just about 3 weeks ago, my husband and I said enough was enough. I knew he was intrested buy he was being lazy. So, I decided to take the pull ups away altogether. I gave him some underware and saidwhen you need to go potty let e know. Well I knew there would be accidents, because they SHOULD be expected and within about a week he was getting the concept of it. I give praise when he uses the BIG toliet. I bought the little potty too but he wanted to be like his dad, brothers, and I, so I went with it. Again we are 3 weeks in and he is now pooping and eeingin the big boy toilet. We do hve an occassional "accident" (he will pee on the carpet or a toy once in a while becuase he is exploring) but as long as I let him know that it is wrong, he doesn't do it again. The harder part is going out and sleeping. He uses a pull up still for nap and bed time. Depending on how long we go out will depend if I put a pull up on him. All in all he is doing great! I wish you the best and it takes time but you will get there.
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