Wife is sneaking around behind my back

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  1. profile image52
    jko1120posted 14 years ago

    This is maybe a little different than your ususal cheating spouse situation.  My wife had an relationship with a man about a year ago.  At the time we were separated due to job transition.  We were really separated, she was in Texas and I was in Minnesota.  She has since moved back with me in Minnesota and I have caught her making contact with this guy in Texas about 3 or 4 times since she moved back a year ago.  She claims that those were the only times they spoke and while it is hard for me to believe that I was so lucky to catch her the only times she made the calls, I also don't have any proof otherwise.  I spoke with the guys wife today and she confronted him and he admitted they have been talking but she does not have any proof of when and how frequently.

    I believe that they are making contact using calling cards and other peoples phones.  I have looked for calling card numbers, but I believe that she is being pretty careful. 

    I guess I am looking for some advice on how to track down these pre-paid card calls, which I believe are being made off our home phone.  Right now all I know is that my phone bill does not show when 800 #' calls are made, just local and long distance #'s

    Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated.

    1. profile image0
      Poppa Bluesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My first thought is why are you going through this? She already admitted having a relationship with another man and you obviously don't trust her and she's done nothing to restore your faith in her! What you need to do is give her an ultimatum either seek counseling together and take the necessary steps to restore faith and your marriage or divorce! Of course, if you decide to stay together you're going to have to learn to trust her again. If you can't then it's over!

      1. Rangerwife profile image60
        Rangerwifeposted 14 years agoin reply to this


        "My first thought is why are you going through this? She already admitted having a relationship with another man and you obviously don't trust her and she's done nothing to restore your faith in her! What you need to do is give her an ultimatum either seek counseling together and take the necessary steps to restore faith and your marriage or divorce! Of course, if you decide to stay together you're going to have to learn to trust her again. If you can't then it's over! "

        1. Misha profile image63
          Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Face breaking!

    2. aremeis profile image60
      aremeisposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Firstly, it would help if you could have some private moments by yourself and think about where this relationship is heading to. It would be good if you could do some reflections here on your own before you approach your wife.

      In a relationship, I think it is quite normal for even ourselves to be moving on and making new friends and acquaintances. So, it is just a matter as to whether the moving on is going to be together or separate ways. You will also need to see if your wife still loves you and would want to carry on with you. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk.

      There is no point trying to second guess or catch her red handed, there's no prizes and certainly not worth than a trip to the lotto lottery stand. I think what matters now is whether the 2 of you could be together and be happy to the end.

      Just think over what I have said here and hope my $0.02 worth will be of help.

    3. Anamika S profile image69
      Anamika Sposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think there is anything wrong with your wife talking to her ex boyfriend. I talk with my ex boyfriend too, but that does not mean i am sleeping with him. You need to learn to trust your wife because trust is the basis of any relationship.

  2. Uninvited Writer profile image76
    Uninvited Writerposted 14 years ago

    Hire a private detective.

    1. TravelMonkey profile image60
      TravelMonkeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If you are feeling the need to hire a private detective then I would advise you to abandon the relationship. If you feel the need to hire a detective then you are either paranoid or she cannot be trusted, both need to be ironed out if you want to make the relationship work.

      You need to sit down with her and explaining your situation, as Poppa Blues suggested, seek counselling.

      I truly hope you can resolve this matter.

      Best of luck,

  3. broalexdotinfo profile image56
    broalexdotinfoposted 14 years ago

    Does your wife/girlfriend also contact him by messenger or e-mail ? I am not talking about hacking e-mail accounts, there are way smarter moves to find the truth using some simple techniques.

    I am a bit too young to join this conversation as I have never had a cheating partner, but I am the kind of person that will only give one small little chance in a life time, anybody that will even try gaming me in a relationship will not even get an explanation.

    There is a nice TV Show in Romania, which I used to follow on Saturdays called "Cheaters". Just trying to cheer you up a bit. smile The women in case was very gelous and suspecting her husband of infidelity, she ended up catching her husband with two men.  lol


  4. Ntweetyd profile image61
    Ntweetydposted 14 years ago

    I think if you don't have trust then you don't have anything.  If she is still contacting the other man then I think you should have the self-dignity to end the marriage.  NOBODY deserves to be treated like that.  It is not right.  If the show was on the other foot, how do you think she would react if you were to talk to another woman???  If she wouldn't be bothered, then she doesn't really love you and is only there for the "comfort" and "convenience" of the marriage.

    You owe it to yourself to make things better for yourself.  Life is too short to be married to someone who isn't faithful to you and not commited to your vows that you said.

    Just my opinion.  smile  Good luck to you

  5. AEvans profile image73
    AEvansposted 14 years ago

    Here is my advise sit down and find out why she is doing what she does. Sometimes something is missing in the relationship and it is hard to discuss. I understand you are hurt and in pain but if you Love her then both of you can get through this deception. Talk do not yell and if you used to do little things for her when you are first together then show her how much you appreciate her.Candlelight dinner etc. , Divorce can be ugly and if both of you are not ready to end it , then work through it as that should be the last resort. Try Marriage counseling before you abandon ship.  I sincerely hope that both of you can get through this and I am certainly glad that you were able to reach out and discuss it and remember marriage is a 50/50 relationship so if she at anytime felt overburdened with her load you may find that the 50/50 was 20/30 do you checks and balances and keep an open mind and you will definitely find the answers. smile

  6. Marisa Wright profile image88
    Marisa Wrightposted 14 years ago

    I'm inclined to agree with the statement, "if you don't have trust you don't have anything".

    Ask yourself, why do you want to stay with this woman?  A legitimate reason might be because you have kids who need a stable home.  Otherwise, what are you hanging around for?   

    Veronica has some great relationship Hubs, including this one:

    http://hubpages.com/hub/Forgiving_a_Che … _an_Affair

  7. guidebaba profile image57
    guidebabaposted 14 years ago

    I can GUESS that you were Newly Married the time you got separated. Newly Married Couples are Hungry for LOVE and SEX. Your wife missed you. She missed the Love and Sex that She was Expecting after Marriage. She found these 2 in the other man. This is quite common happening around the world.

    1. Rangerwife profile image60
      Rangerwifeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Doesn't make it right.  It shouldn't be accepted.  I would never let my husband do that, and if I thought it was possible, he'd be gone.  I love him dearly (and know he would never do this to me), but cheating is the one thing I can't handle.  I'm better than that, and so the the author of the original post.

    2. dingdong profile image58
      dingdongposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Sex, OK. But we can't say she got real love from others smile

  8. primenet profile image56
    primenetposted 14 years ago

    Well, my simple suggestion is for you to learn to trust her. Believe her and free your mind about her. I want to believe before you came together again, you did made some agreement on how to move your marriage forward.

    Those resolutions should be your proirity for now. Try avoid anything that could lead to breakup. As the man you have a responsibilty to make your marriage work.

    Be aware that you are the CEO of that marriage.


    1. Rangerwife profile image60
      Rangerwifeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I also believe that he has the responsibility to make the marriage work, but trusting someone who is untrustworthy is not the way.  Maybe he needs to change his actions, and she will in response.  But trusting someone who doesn't deserve it is not the right route.

  9. Princessa profile image83
    Princessaposted 14 years ago

    I think spying on your wife will not make any difference.  It will NOT stop her form contacting the other man (if she wants to keep contact, she will find a way) even if you tell her that you know about it. 

    She had someone else when you were physically separated -even if you were still in a relationship-  Maybe it was just sexual... Were you  faithful to her during that time? 

    Genes may be to blame for infidelity:


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