I have to agree with QuestionMaster, it is a bit like comparing apples and oranges, and yes it is true that having children can put a strain on the relationship, but so can a lot of other external factors such as, job stress, in-law difficulties, etc. Marriages, good, solid, marriages that stand the test of time are not all warm fuzzy feelings and romance, they are require attention,communication, nurturing, and elbow grease, ( an awful lot like raising children.)
I was taught by example, that one of the most important life gifts that you can give to your child, is a strong, healthy, and loving relationship between their parents. Children learn by example, and imitate what they see; children whose parents are a team, and who treat eachother with love and respect, are more likely to raise children who are well-adjusted, and who themselves will go on to have healthy realtionships. That being said, those great and healthy marriages don't just happen, and the couple themselves are responsible, both prior to having children, as well as afterward, for taking the time and making the effort to build that relationship.
It is important for every family to find balance, and finding that balance means finding a place within your family structure where there is enough time and attention directed toward both the children and each other, without excluding one or the other. Parents, even single parents, who do not take time to recharge their batteries and refresh, become burned out, and are not the best possible parents that they can be. New babies and small children require a lot of time and attention, and I think that sometimes new parents, (especially us moms), can get tunnel vision, and exhausted from sleep-deprivation, and just trying to meet the demands of motherhood, jobs, chores, etc., can loose sight of what we, as well as our spouses, need in terms of time and attention. It is a constant balancing act that needs frequent adjustments inorder to keep things running smoothly. (A spouse/partner who is actually aware of these obstacles, and is willing to step up and help to put things back into perspective, makes this much easier, than the spouse/partner, who is aware of these obstacles, but chooses to passivley sulk about it.)
My husband and I have been married for nearly twenty years, and have raised/are in the process of raising, four children, (ranging in age from a niece who is 23, to a son and daughter, who are respectivley 17 and 16, to our youngest daughter who is 4), and I can honestly say that we not only are still in love with each other, but that having our children, (and our niece-child), raising them together, watching them grow into the people that they have become, and working together to overcome the challenges to our own relationship that having and raising a family often presents, has not torn us apart, but has strengthened and deepend our love for one another, and our committment to our marriage.
I know a lot of divorced couples, and a lot of married couples, and I have never heard any of them say that they divorced because of the kids. (I have heard from single, never-married, childless people who have a dated divorced/single parent, that when the relationship ended it was because of conflict over the child or children) It's just an opinion, but I think that anyone who is blaming the children for the divorce, may have been in a marriage that lacked communication, or partnership, or who wasn't willing themselves to put the required work into that relationship to begin with.
