What if we never really change?

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   Beth37posted 10 years ago

   You know how in jr. high everyone is figuring out who they are?
   
   The bullies
   The comedians
   The control freaks
   The promiscuous
   The successful
   The failures
   The abused
   The passive... etc., etc.
   
   It seems like, by the time we get to high school, we start figuring out ways to blend in a little, and some start realizing it may not be ok to hate on ppl different than themselves... but what if... by the time we're adults, we're still the same, we've just shoved it all down where no one can see? What if we stopped being bigots... on the outside? What if we stopped having sex with every person of the opposite sex, but only b/c we got married and had kids? What if we stopped trying to control what every one said and did around us, b/c we noticed it made us unpopular? What if we just learned to control how others saw us and we haven't really grown up at all?
   
   Forums like these bring out so much of our old mentalities, don't you think? Do you feel like you've changed the things from your childhood that were negative or do you feel they're always kind of lurking under the surface somewhere?

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2. 74

   Reality Bytesposted 10 years ago

   This type of question would lead me to pickup a book based on Carl Jung's archetype theories.
   
   It all depends on what mask you are/not wearing at the time.

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      So you think we wear a mask most the time then?

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         Reality Bytesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, there are different aspects of our "self" that we reveal under certain conditions.  There is always some level of restraint on what is displayed to others.  Denial of this causes much emotional turbulence to many.

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            Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Which causes turbulence? Denial of the fact that we do indeed wear masks or denial of real self being exhibited?

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3. 61

   Hollie Thomasposted 10 years ago

   I've reached a point in my life where, frankly, I couldn't give a flying *fig* about what people think of me. A long time ago I asked myself one question "Do you really like the people that you hope to impress?" and the answer was a resounding "no" So why would I want to be like someone who has not yet worked out this simple life equation? I think I've moved beyond that.
   
   The forums do bring out the worst of me though, when I'm daft enough to indulge in politics or religion. Gobby, opinionated and like a dog with a bone. But I'm learning, I'll never influence the thoughts of another who completely disagrees with my perspective, and vice versa. Be comfortable with your own principles, because that's what really matters in the end.

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      So my question, if you don't mind me asking... is did you see some of this in your personality of earlier years? Speaking out for what you believe... not caring what others thought as long as you were comfortable with you... that type of thing?

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   paradigmsearchposted 10 years ago

   

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I can identify with that.

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         paradigmsearchposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I decided I liked that one enough I put it on my blog; right after my Suck It Up, Buttercup.
         
         Living and learning. I seem to have been having all sorts of insights this week. I strongly suspect it's because of the B-Complex vitamins I've been taking.

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            Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            lol. Progress is a good thing.

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   To Start Againposted 10 years ago

   I think that the people we are at that age is basically an unrefined version of our true selves. At that time, we are learning the ropes, trying to figure out what is acceptable and expected in any given situation. We take cues from those around us though most of the time, we can't pick up on the more subtle ones. As we get older, we learn to pay more attention to the people around us and how our actions affect them and, ultimately, ourselves. We begin to understand that there are instances when we should suppress parts of ourselves-to fit in, to get by, to survive. But those basics-like the list you mentioned- those are always at our core and will find their way out somehow. I have heard that our personalities begin to form as early as three years old. It's hard to change something so ingrained within us.

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I think you're exactly right. I think that's why ppl are so incredibly fascinating. Where ever we go, we're in adult situations, yet we face them with the same personality we had as a child. We use experience we gain along the way to show us how to act and react in different situations, but the ppl we interact with now are really interacting with the child within us as we are theirs. Pressures seem to bring that child out... he can't always be suppressed when we are faced with issues that make us feel we're out of our depth.

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   Lisa HWposted 10 years ago

   I know there are aspects of our personality that don't always show outwardly, but it's never felt to me like a mask.  I'd compare it, maybe, to the stuff being sold at a shopping mall - lots of different stuff for different purposes, but we can't see it all from one place or another on the outside.  I don't see it as "hiding" anything behind a mask.  I more see it as not having the opportunity (if that's the right word) or reason to bring it all out and show everyone we meet.
   
   I pretty much feel like every bit the same person as I've been since I was two or three.  I have more knowledge now, and I grew past some of the silliness that kids do or think, out of either a wish to be more grown up, insecurity about not being one thing or another that they'd like to be, or else out of the lack of impulse control that very young kids can have when something "seems like a good idea at the time".   To me, it's always kind of felt like I started out with a "simple core" that had some kid-stuff foolishness around it, and as I matured over the years it was like one new layer after another was forming around that core.  So, at "eh-hem-ty" (cough cough) years old, I have a lot more substance, information, wisdom, happiness, and sadness than  I did as a child; but it also feels that as those layers have been formed around the core, the core, itself, has also grown with me.
   
   I kind of like it when I see signs that I'm still the same person I was at three or ten or nineteen.     It reminds me that, through a whole lot of things that have gone on in life, I'm still the same person.  In other words, I've managed to survive without being changed at the core.  (I've got my insecurities, but they're generally about more superficial stuff than that "core".)

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, that sounds right. I don't believe we should wear masks either. Im sure ppl wish I would put on more of a facade, but it seems healthier to be who we are. However, what if who we are/have been isn't that healthy? Have you ever seen an old person that's as patient and kind and beautiful as can be... and you figure they've learned a whole lot in their long life to become the saint they've become... then you meet a rotten, mean old coot and realize, they just never learned those life lessons they needed to progress to where they should be by their age.
      I was just thinking about that kind of stuff while watching all of us engaged in conversations/relationships here. I read some ppls words and I can't help but think that as grown as they feel, they're using the same voice they've been using since they were two. Our opinions seem so right in our own ears cause they match the voice we already hear in our own head, but in reality, we all have room to grow and mature... every one of us. It's an amazing dynamic.

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