Who really knows what men want....

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   ahorsebackposted 10 years ago

   "Oh you men only want one thing "
   I believe  I hear most women say
   Oh how little  does she knows about just
   what I do want
   she might be surprised
   There are some men you know
   who would tuck you under  their wing
   and listen
   To your dreams
   your sorrows
   you tears
   And wrap my arms from behind
   while you lay curled
   and content
   And listen on guard while you sleep
   in this cluttered  world
   until you lose all fears
   until he hears you breath softly
   in sleep
   and he smiles
   and thinks......
   there now !
   That's all I want......

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You are fantastic with words. lol

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      uh huh... after you get what you want...
      
      and thats okay.
      ...until I have a headache
      or I need more sleep
      or I need time to be alone...
      to recharge...
      to be able to give again...
      with Joy.

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      Phyllis Doyleposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      And all that you want, ahorseback, is one thing women long for and few ever find. Well done.

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      Cardisaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      My man only want to be fed both ways (food and sex). He really wants or asks for nothing more....so annoying. So because he is less demanding than other males, he is less giving as well. I find that men will want the same things they give to their spouses as women do.
      
      For instance the more honest a man is, is the more honesty he expects. The more romance he give is the more romance he wants and so forth. You can tell what a man wants by the way he treats you.

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         JPB0756posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Well-said.  Honest is best, yes?  Enjoy, Cardisa.

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   JPB0756posted 10 years ago

   Good thoughts; in my experience, I've found I am just as much the gift as  she is.  Let's ALL go from that point, id est, equality, quality and love.  Quit being so self-centered, ladies, fun for all!

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      ...we women tend to take life very seriously once we become mothers. This needs to be respected and appreciated by their male partners. To us, survival  is at stake on many levels.  We are sensitive (for lack of a better word) to the life of ourselves, our husbands and our offspring and not in that order.... For them to not have what their children (which is naturally their top priority) need, in order to thrive on every level, is absolutely devastating. If you want to love them, have patience with them and try to provide them with material and psychological security.
      
      (If yours is still unreasonable.. you are with the wrong one. Some relationships are mistakes and these types of relationships should be avoided. Step Away From the Eggs, I say!
      
      Poor Simon Cowell! 
      ...or is it poor Lauren Silverman?

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         JPB0756posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Husband means "to protect;"  men are made serious.  Thanks, Kathryn.  :-)

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         JPB0756posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Kathryn, your approach and application of your philosophy seem, to me, that they are in harmony;  I believe that you are very aware.  A joy to read and thank you from us men; nice knowing awareness is extant. By the way, I am not intimating that men are all aware; be nice, though, yes?

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   janesixposted 10 years ago

   men want sex, good food, and a decent amount of respect, not necessarily in that order

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      ...  is it food or respect which is second? Just curious.

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         janesixposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Depends on the man?

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            Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            I am respectfully surmising that
            you would know
            the fact of the matter
            that every man
            is different
            in tendencies
            and
            temperament.

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               janesixposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               Not really from that much personal experience. I am just guessing form what I know of human nature. I can't guage a majority of men from a few. Mine have all had healthy appetites,that's for sure.

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                  Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  ...some (of yours) would take food over respect?

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                     janesixposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                     I was being purposfully ambiguous to be funny. I guess it didn't work?

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                        Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                        I really think that Respect is the top priority.
                        for males and females.
                        human nature is basically good...
                        unless deviated.

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                           janesixposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                           lol...just to be on the clear side and all kidding aside, I'm not a slut and I truly respect men and I think they are mostly loving and respectable adorable people:)

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                              Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                              To quote Jim Belushi in The Principal,
                              "Well, Good!"

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                           JPB0756posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                           Well, Kathryn, great statement: "human nature is...good."  Hmm, maybe you are AWARE!  Kidding w/caps, Kathryn, thanks again, my friend.

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   ahorsebackposted 10 years ago

   Okay ladies , don't fight over me LOL,  respect ! Yes Kathryn ,,,,it all starts there , mutually !
   I can tell that you girls have not had the "experience "  of knowing a true gentleman , I believe that younger generations have a long way to go - and yet , maybe that's the universal plan ?   just kiddin girls , I believe that women are all amazing !  So far advanced towards the social  maturities ,....Every time I compare woman to man -she wins ! Luv you girls !

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      ...will Simon marry Lauren?
      That is the question.

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      Faith Reaperposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Let's see... "who really knows ..." I would think that men truly know what they want in their hearts, and being I am a woman, I really cannot answer.  It would be wonderful if some men would arrive on the scene and answer this question.  I love knowing what you want dearest Ed ... you are a sweetheart.  Maybe it is those men who give the impression of what men want being they are in the spotlight of wanting such other things as mentioned here, but again, I am only guessing.  hehehe  I do know one thing for sure, communication is key, and a man truly needs to be up front with what he does want and actually speak it out loud, come what may!  My husband as a good friend, who truly has no desire to ever get married and likes to gamble and just be himself, but what is so great about all of that is, every woman he meets knows this, as he tells them that very thing and he tells them he cares to not ever get married or change his ways, and you would be surprised as to how many woman jump on board anyway knowing such.  At least he was honest, and then they cannot say a word when they wind up a little disappointed, maybe thinking they could possible change him.  I do not understand that mentality of "changing" a man, for that is not who he is, but once a young man matures and changes to be the person he truly is at whatever age, then that is who he is, and he should not make any false pretenses otherwise. 
      
      Bless you,  Faith Reaper

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         JPB0756posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I forgot my syntax;  ty for your blessing, Faith Reaper; 1 question: reaping of faith, as reaping of souls? Sorry to not understand your point w/name.  Interesting view(s), too.

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   Beth37posted 10 years ago

   Im gonna go out on a limb here and say, for the most part, I really know what men want, but Im not going to print it, cause Im tired of getting banned.

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Do you notice how very polite I am now Beth? They are training us well. lol!

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      ahorsebackposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Oh come on Beth , say it , say it !LOL

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         Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Id be banned... then possibly arrested.

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   ahorsebackposted 10 years ago

   Beth , You know I'd make bail !......:-D

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      someone wants a hug!

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         JPB0756posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         This has nothing to do w/this conversation, I just want to tell you, Kathryn, that I find you genuine and caring!  A perfect woman, and person, too!  Thanks for your wonderful perspective.  Btw, my wife and I are certainly in sync in every way. :-D

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            Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Thank You for your kind words, appreciation of my perspective and your friendliness!

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   ahorsebackposted 10 years ago

   Come on Kathryn ! Give it up !....:-D

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      o.k. with pats on the back.

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         Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         - hey ahorseback, what is your opinion:  When a couple are engaged and both work, and the man calmly explains to his bride to be, "You'll aways have to work..."
         Is it reasonable to assume that would be a relationship-breaker for her?
         - or not in this day and age. It would be for me, but I am old school.

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         Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         - here is another question: If a wife is with a husband who has a problem with alcohol, (although he proclaims he loves her and is a hard working person,) how should she help him and or herself?  Here are the standard options:
         1. Stay and deal with the situation the best she can to her own detriment. (His lack of sobriety affects her negatively.)
         2. Leave.
         3. Give ultimatums and follow through.
         4. Pray really intensely.
         5. Intervention and with family members insisting on AA participation.
         4. Stay and just go to Al Anon herself.
         My answer would be to leave, but is that selfish?

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            wildernessposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            1.  It can work in the short term depending on the severity of the problem.  Long term is most likely doomed to failure.
            
            2.  It will work, but has its own dangers and negativity.
            3.  Probably the same as #2.
            4.  Virtually useless as God already knows the problem.  One prayer should be enough to satisfy any requirement a reasonable god would make that people beg for help.  To "pray intensely" over long periods only extends the problem into tomorrow.
            5.  Can work and is probably the best option IF all members will carry through.  At worst it turns into #2.
            6.  Useless.

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               Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               How we wish prayers would work.

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                  wildernessposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  Do you have reason to think that God ignores your prayers unless they are both extra sincere/forceful and repeated multiple times?

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                     Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                     hmmmm. I need to ask the woman's brother... Intense praying was his answer. It was a depressing answer to me. Like there is some magic to praying. (Intense or otherwise...it is a good question you bring up.)
                       I decided last night that the best thing she could do is focus on the man's Source of being; for her sake alone.
                     
                     The moral question is, if some one is sick should they be forced to take steps to get well, especially if they  i n s i s t  on being immersed in de Nile. I was thinking ahorseback could provide the perspective of the male-type on this dilemma, which is probably wide-spread.
                     
                     Addiction is so devastating. The woman thinks "If he loves me, why does he not just stop drinking, (or whatever substance or destructive behavior). It is the one thing I want!"
                     
                     It is one thing to lay about cuddling and breathing. It is another thing to take a little action...
                     to actually man-up in this case, (or woman-up in the reverse scenario,) and/or put love into action in every case involving the relationship between man and woman.
                     No, I do not understand addiction.
                     It would seem that addiction to substances etc. is more compelling than loving somebody.
                     Ouch.

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                        wildernessposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                        "It would seem that addiction to substances etc. is more compelling than loving somebody."
                        
                        There is no doubt whatsoever that most addictions are more compelling than love.  And those that have no harmful effects (according to the addicted person, mind you) are the worst of all in that respect.  Telling an addict that you will leave if they don't change a behavior that harms no one is not only futile but will very often reinforce the behavior itself as you have no right to make such a demand.

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                           Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                           oh... so the addicted person does not realize it is harmful in the least. 
                           No one has the right to demand or even expect anyone (anyone?)
                           ( who is already over 18)...to behave in any particular way at all, for any reason, love or whatever.
                           However, if the wife leaves without giving her husband ultimatums etc., the husband is free to live as he wishes and do as he pleases, no?
                           ....The woman does have the right to protect herself.
                           Yes?
                           If she can't leave for financial reasons/ security then she can make the best of it. Like living with incurable cancer, or a concussion that just won't clear up. aaugh....

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                              wildernessposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                              Some do not.  I don't think you will find many alcoholics that think their drinking is harming anyone else.  Or even those using illegal drugs, for that matter.  Any harm being done is only to themselves and it is their life, after all!  (At least that seems to be the rationalization).
                              
                              And you're right - you have no right to run anyone's life.  Not your parents, not your spouse and not even total control (gradually lessening) your child's.  Your are indeed powerless.

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                                 Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                                 Do you agree the wife is not ethically obligated to stay? Somehow owing it to him?
                                 Love can't be demanded or expected, either.
                                 
                                 If the woman stays and keeps demonstrating love and support, is this merely enabling?
                                 Or is it somehow beneficial to the man and/or to her...in the long run, if not in the short term.
                                 Blind hope? Festering wound that won't heal vs. Every man for himself in a sinking ship?  Depends on the age of the couple too.
                                 ( It is wise to be really careful Who you lay down and cuddle with cuz thats where it all begins...isn't it?)

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   ahorsebackposted 10 years ago

   Kathryn ! I 'm sorry , I wasn't here for this series of posts .I do have some knowledge about addictions . On a personal level only !   The addicted person has to work as hard  or harder than  the  supporting partner !  If someone is in denial  and remains there !  It's a losing situation for the partner .  NO one can do this single handedly , No one !   Until that man says "hello , my name is .....I'm an alcoholic "  and thouroughly commits to  a curing .............Then you [she ] are alone in this !  Friends , family , no one ........can change someone who doesn't want change !  Hope this helps ...email me if I can help !

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   ahorsebackposted 10 years ago

   And by the way , there is ALWAYS a way out ! Always .

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you, ahorseback.

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    ahorsebackposted 10 years ago

    I also believe that a woman is more hardwired  than a man , to stay it out  ! To succeed in changing or "fixing " the poor broken man and the relationship . Whether she does this out of strength or weakness is the question .Rather than remain in a relationship that  ends up breaking her , twisting her and her children's mental health . Lets face it , its the woman who assumes that part almost always ! Good luck to her !

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