Why do my mother and wife seem to hate each other?

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   tony bincaposted 10 years ago

   My mother is constantly accusing my wife of being a bad mother and I just don't see any evidence of it.  Our son will run to his grandmother whenever he doesn't want to listen to his mother and then my mother inserts herself into the situation.  I feel my son knows this, can count on it and plays his mother and grandmother against each other.  Has anyone had a similar situation, and what did you do about it?  This is driving me crazy.

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You have to set boundaries with your mother... when you marry, you cut the apron strings and start a new life with your wife and children. Love your mother, respect her, but don't allow her to disrespect the ppl you are charged to care for.
      
      Also, is this spam? Cause Im  giving you good stuff here.

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         Barbara Kayposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I agree with Beth. My mother-in-law was like that and made my life miserable. The husband needs to take the wife's side and speak up to his mother.

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            Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Once she's learned not to come between a husband and wife, she will respect the family unit, it will just take time. When she has learned she is not the head of your household she will take her rightful place as an honored guest.

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      2. 52

         tony bincaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Oh no, not spam.  This is real.  I have told my mother that she needs to respect my wife and mother of my children.  This is not negotiable. Thank everyone for their replies and advice.  I hope my mother will accept this because there is no way I will let my wife be disrespected.

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   2. 59

      A Troubled Manposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry, but you actually don't see any evidence of a problem?
      
      You need to ask yourself why your son doesn't want to listen to his mother and why does your son play your mother against your mother? That would be evidence of a problem.

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      1. 52

         tony bincaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I see no evidence of a problem with the way my wife handles our son.  All kids test their parents and play one against the other.  The problem is my mother inserting herself into the situation and wanting to be in charge of the children.  That can't happen.

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         1. 59

            A Troubled Manposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Really? Is that a fact? Or, does that just occur in your family?
            
            Seriously, the problem appears pretty obvious and it has very little to do with your mother.

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2. 0

   cjaroszposted 10 years ago

   This actually is really common. Simply because the mother thinks she did the best job raising kids. ( not saying she hasn't). So when your wife parents differently, she doesn't agree. This causes tension. Soon it will get worse with every aspect of your wife's parenting.
   
   Therefore, it is not a question  of who is the baad parent. Its about understanding that everyone does things differently. Every body sees different ways of parenting.
   
   As for the child part. I would explain to him that it can't be done. It is wrong to do these things. Also explain to your mom that he isn't doing it to put your wife/ his mom down. He is just doing it to get his way. Trying to override what was said by going to someone else. That while, some cases its OK. But in the long run it isn't right for her to do this. Its not bad parenting, its about teaching your children right from wrong.

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