Teaching one how to understand that it may be alright.

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   Steven Miguelposted 10 years ago

   So far, at 21, it's been a real long trip. I know someone's who's 22 could concur but I really feel like one of those individuals who has been through quite enough to fend for oneself mentally and physically.
   
   Anyways, I been dealing with a bit of a dilemma. Well like I said, at 21, my parents are on the verge of divorce. The only issue is there is still someone that could get mentally vulnerable from this. And in Chicago, I know it's not hard to get lost with oneself in a city of drugs and crime.
   
   His name is Misael (15). Just got into a great high school (Noble Charter School) which has been getting a lot of attention in the Chicago area. I also graduated from one of these noble charter schools four years ago. Well, he is finally coming along with the schools demand for homework and the MCJROTC program he was so eager to join then quit. I later convinced him to stay in it and so far so good!
   
   Well back to the issue. He is young mentally. Not capable of understanding this situation to the fullest capacity of one's mind at his age. Knowing this, I try to understand how I can get him to digest what's going to come of the issue at hand. He is strongly attached to my father but a mothers boy at best.
   
   I also have two older brothers that I think are capable of being able to deal with this situation effectively. But then comes my mom who was a homemaker almost all her life and has nothing to fall back on. My father broke paying for both me and my brother to attend a four year institution and paying a mortgage and other utilities that he can barely keep up with.
   
   There are so many issues I'm facing but I need help facing them one by one. I need advice and those who have experienced anything similar please post I'm looking for answers to help continue expand my mind and gain stronger bonds within' my family.
   
   I'm staying strong..

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You need a strong connection to at least one of your parents. Which parent has cared the most? Which parent has developed a good relationship with you and Michael? First, keep up that primary relationship. Then, focus on your own success. Stay in a position of command over your life and help who you can when you can. A good lifeguard keeps himself in good shape to be able to help others. Your positivity and encouragement will help Michael. 
      Good luck.

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         Steven Miguelposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I completely agree with you and I have always been closest to my mother. Being that she was the home maker almost her entire life as it stands she was the one who as cliche as this may be but she broadened my horizons. I become more conscious because of her, more considerate, more disciplined, and more understanding of everyday life. She was the nurturer for the family.
         
         But the issue ms. Hill is not me, and my position but that of my little brother Misael. I need to figure out a way where he will not suffer or change his life drastically because of the new issues at hand.

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            Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            You are there for him! That counts 100%. Have faith and stay connected. Tell him how you feel. He will respond positively and thankfully. Its when people loose connection to family that they can get caught up with downward spirals and negative people.
            Talk to him often. Stay connected and show him you care. If you start or continue when he is this age, all WILL be fine! Have Faith. Push on.
            and don't listen to the news!
            Lol... just kidding... not really...
            
            Well, find God in your life.
            He is with us.
            Focus.

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               Steven Miguelposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               Thank you for the mind and advice ms. Hill and god has always been in my life. I guess one more thing I would ask you or those reading this is: How do I let him know what's to come? How do I break bad news to one who has so much love and innocence in his heart? He is sensitive and I know the slightest bad news will make him falter.
               
               Here's the mother and father
               

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   Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years ago

   Maybe they could stay together for his sake! Beg them!

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      Steven Miguelposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not willing to beg, I understand love fails sometimes because both people just aren't giving 100% all the time. But what I've asked of my mother is to at least stay with my father long enough till Misael graduates high school and can handle himself a bit more when this situation does occur. Begging is out of the question especially with a father filled with pride, anger, and jealousy. Along with addiction and even more pride. It's tough, a really hard position.

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         Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         oh.
         Then, come on, Michael knows… if anything it could be a relief…
         I still say YOUR care and concern will be the key.

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            Steven Miguelposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Maybe your right, well anyways, thank you for the assistance! You made my day a little brighter!

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            1. 79

               Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               I feel sorry for you both… why is your dad the way he is?
               He probably had issues with his father…What is your Grandfather like? ...could he help?
               or maybe your brother could get training for a trade and start making money. Having a way to earn a living is a good goal: finding a concrete way to survive and be independent… you know?

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                  Steven Miguelposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  He naturally is obsessed with my mother. He's been like this forever. The obsession is more of the if I can't have her no one can. Which is scary and makes me contemplate what the future has in store for them both. He just seems like his life didn't go the way he wanted it to, so he is acting this way to help him feel better about himself since he is trying to bring us down with him. Well bring mainly my mother down.

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                     Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                     Hmmm…My surmise: Your dad has lost touch with his true self. His true will. It happened before he met your mother. It is finally coming to a head. It is beyond you and your siblings. I think: its every man for themselves at this point... with the exception of the youngest. Maybe one of your older brothers and you could just all become room-mates somewhere.
                     My advice: Leave it to your parents to work it out or go ahead with the divorce. You are all old enough to move on with your own lives. Take your freedom!
                     
                     PS Have your mother seek help from others… not you. Refer her to a battered women's shelter or other family members. Her problems are NOT YOURS!
                     
                     Keep in touch with your true self and your true will. Set a good example for your younger brother.
                     
                     Focus.
                     ...or history might repeat itself.
                     
                     of course, as with all advice: take it or leave it.
                     
                     
                     The Way I See It

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   Steven Miguelposted 10 years ago

   That's very interesting to have read that. Sorry I took some time to get back to you. But I have a quick question. Have you gone through something like this before? I'm just curious because that's an interesting analysis from the very little I provided and I just want to know if your credible. Because I guess I am seeking advice.

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I am credible in that I understand how important it is to stay connected to one's Self. We have fragile connections to our true Selves sometimes.  I believe this is a science which we need to learn more about.
      
           One's strength is his Will and knowing what he wants and needs to achieve goals, dreams and ambitions in life. One can give up hope and positive direction for stupid reasons usually from well-meaning, but inadequate parenting.
           From my experience in general: Being in touch with yourself and guiding your will is all important. In a positive spiral, you achieve success and seem to have good luck. In a negative spiral you give up in anger and rebellion and attract those who pull you down even more.
      Just Advice From KLH.

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