Been with my partner for nearly 2 yrs, we have had a tense relationship due to H

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   kadienaposted 13 years ago

   Been with my partner for nearly 2 yrs, we have had a tense relationship due to HIS inflexibility
   
   He is 27 just finished a MA and works alot, i felt our relationship was neglected at times. He would not stay overnight very often and leave around midnight because he lives with an aunt who is a Christian & he does not want to disrespect the home. I found this hard to deal with,  i felt 2 much restrictions and obstacles in da relationship and wondered if he was truthful. Now he has finished his MA  after a stressful 2 yrs, i also helped him with his work.  He's just gone abroad to visit his parents who ive never met to have a break and relax.. he didn't even invite me im wondering  why?

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   MickSposted 13 years ago

   Like he said, to have a break and relax.

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3. 51

   kadienaposted 13 years ago

   Thanks Jdomingo, yes i did ask him and he said he needs time to sort himself out and spend time with his family cuz he aint seen them 4 a few yrs. Like i mentioned he said he just wants to relax. But i think we both needed to relax..

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   jdomingoposted 13 years ago

   Have you asked him?  If not you may want to ask him he may have a legitimate reason if he is very religious that may be the case.  Talk to the him and let him know that you feel that you are suffering.  What you don't want to happen is to continue on in this relationship for 2 more years and find out he is not the one for you.  Talk to him ask him how he feels about YOUR situation and see how it goes, if there is not some sort of compromise I wouldn't recommend continuing the relationship, Life's too short to be unhappy.

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5. 73

   breathe2travelposted 13 years ago

   First, I applaud his effort to respect his aunt's home and beliefs.  Regrettably, being honorable is not valued as highly as it should be.  Think of it this way: whomever this guy marries, her wishes/beliefs will be highly regarded by him.
   
   You say you have a tense relationship due to his inflexibility.  The only action you cite is his committment to respect his aunt's home rules -- the aunt who has provided shelter and a home for him while he pursued his MA.
   
   You also say he was pursuing his MA and working.  Both of these endeavors are taxing in and of themselves, much more when pursued concurrently.  No wonder he wants to get some sleep -- i.e. "leave around midnight". 
   
   Is the tension only because he refuses to compromise his word to his aunt in order to please your sleep over request?  Or is there more to the "tense relationship"? 
   
   You helped him with his work -- so does that obligate him to take you on a trip?  Certainly, it would be nice if he wanted you to come - maybe viewing it as you both worked on his MA and both deserve a break... but maybe he wants some alone time.  I am married and committed to my husband, who helps me everyday in multiple ways -- but there are times I just need to get away and be me.
   
   Now, to address your question, "Why didn't he invite me?"  I just read in a response that he said he hadn't seen his family in four years.  Do you feel safe to take his answer at face value?  If not, you guys really need to talk.  You do not need to be in a relationship with someone you don't trust.
   
   Maybe you feel slighted bc you haven't met his parents.  How much discussion have you had about committment levels?  Are you guys devoted to one another?
   
   I hope you discuss your feelings with your boyfriend and are able to resolve the conflict.
   
   Warm regards~

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6. 65

   PaulaHenry1posted 13 years ago

   I think you just answered your own question. Take the time to relax and weigh out the pros and cons of the relationship.

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