Is it fair to be disgusted by your partner's choice of prior partners?

1. 60

   loveingyouposted 13 years ago

   Is it fair to be disgusted by your partner's choice of prior partners?
   
   My hubby once had an intimate relationship with someone really unattractive, pig-like appearance and fat rolls, who not only has never really gotten over him, but is also constantly downgraded by my peers. I feel like I am constantly teased by people for marrying someone who "tapped" that, so to speak, as no one else would want to have a go. Is it wrong for me to feel disgusted?

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2. 60

   hope4couplesposted 13 years ago

   Why should you feel disgusted, he wasn't with her while he was with you, was he? It doesn't matter who he was with in the past, forget the past, when you married him, it was a new beginning for both of you.
   
   Be happy that he is with you now, besides during a person's life we do a lot of things that we later regret, it's called learning and maturing. 
   
   We can't dwell in the past, not our past or our partners. Move on, focus on the present for a better future.
   
   Also if your peers downgrade you or your husband because of that, then maybe you should find peers that help your marriage, not ones who belittle it and have you question your husband. Just a suggestion.
   
   
   http://advice4marriedcouples.com

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3. 87

   thougtforceposted 13 years ago

   Do not think about it for a minute more! It has nothing to do with you, or him neither. Not now. We shouldn’t be judged for things we done in the past, and if people around you are teasing you, that say more about them than something about you and your hubby.
   If we should choose our partner from what other people think we would have a real challenge. You can’t please them all anyway, so why try?
   Get her out of your life and enjoy each other!

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4. 60

   ddarpenposted 13 years ago

   correct in saying Thougtforce. Why should we think about the past! As I said, 'Road and enjoy life, do not always think of something that is uncertain ", later on we are also the losers. Do not easily accept what people, accept it with a smile whatever it is. Believe me smile strength could be a flavor love your husband!

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5. 71

   ddsurfscaposted 13 years ago

   Just as one cannot help it when they feel love for a person, one also cannot help but to feel disgust and some of the other emotions.  There are a number of things you must keep in mind though regarding this situation, and they are these:
   
   Just as you cannot help how you feel, your hubby also cannot help how he felt at that time;
   
   It does not matter what you peers think about this situation, as long as you and your hubby have cleared the air, that is the only thing that should matter. Those who are downgrading you for marrying someone who "tapped" that are not very mature and are not behaving like an adult to even say such a thing.
   
   People who are unattractive on the outside, most often are very beautiful on the inside, where it only shows to those who know them.
   
   It is not wrong for you to feel disgusted, but it would be wrong of you to hurt your husband by telling him so, for that could just be enough to plant seeds of doubt and low self esteem, things that would destroy an otherwise good relationship.

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6. 61

   QFlaireposted 13 years ago

   i dont know if fair is the right word. i think you can be disappointed in your partner's taste. I think we all go through phases where looks are not as important.

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7. 84

   stricktlydatingposted 13 years ago

   Sure, you're entitled to feel disgusted.  I'm disgusted by my some of my own past relationship choices. But I didn't marry them so it doesn't matter.  And your husband didn't marry her, he married you, sounds like he got a good upgrade, lucky him.  Don't waste your time sweating over her!

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8. 61

   Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

   I think you ought to be disgusted at the behavior of your peers (who are sounding pretty darned pea-brained to me at the moment).  They sound like quite the "pieces of work" - "constantly downgrading" this individual.  Besides, don't they have any work to do???  Why on Earth do they give a rat's rear-end about who your husband dated, and are they the kind of people who can't imagine that there's the possibility he dated his prior partner  -maybe - because she's a nice human being (or maybe even because he found her attractive?)  "Ugly" and "pig-like" come in all sizes, and your peers sure seem to be great examples of that.  I'm guessing there's a lot of people who wouldn't give two hoots about what people like them would "want to have a go" with or not.
   
   So, no.  I don't think you're wrong to be disgusted.  I just think  you're disgusted at the wrong people and the wrong situation.
   
   Tell these clowns you're not going to listen to such cruel and inappropriate talk about a co-worker (or worse, perhaps, about someone in your husband's private life).  Mean business when you tell them, and show them you mean business.  If this girl/woman truly hasn't gotten over him, she's got something crummy to be dealing with.  Why would anyone want to add more "rotten-ness" to her life, rather than just let it go and let the individual have a shred of dignity?
   
   Better still, go find work at a place where the people aren't goons.  Such workplaces do exist.  To those of us who have never worked in a place among people like the ones you describe, your question is pretty mind-boggling.

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9. 60

   loveingyouposted 13 years ago

   Thank you everyone for your input.
   
   Mind you, I am married at a rather young age to someone who I believe I love, and loves me a lot also.
   
   Being young, some of my peers still carry a rather shallow and immature behavior which I undoubtedly am also a victim of. Gone should be the days where only shallow traits matter but I find myself still emotionally hooked into their circle, and sometimes affected by their comment.
   
   Thank you all for your insight as I am definitely feeling a lot better, and being able to see the solution in a different light!

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10. 61

    Ashantinaposted 13 years ago

    I agree with thoughtforce.
    Forget the past, he married you didnt he?

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11. 89

    mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years ago

    She might have been a really nice person, it seems cruel for anyone to judge her on appearance as opposed to her disposition. I don't think it is fair to judge her unless there is more to this, I mean what if you ended up with serious burns all over your face. Would you want people to say he "tapped that" because of your features?

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