How to make parents stop trying to control your life when nothing else I've trie

1. 64

   Elena Konikposted 12 years ago

   How to make parents stop trying to control your life when nothing else I've tried works?
   
   I have a hard time trying to stop my parents planning all my life, tell me what to do, what friends and surroundings to choose (even though I've never had problems as bad resulting doing any of that), where and how to live. I've had that going on for a couple of years and ultimately I moved to another country (continent (!!!)- to be specific! And they still don't agree with or approve any of my choices. I'm a well educated, intelligent and careful person and never chose bad surroundings or a company! All I ever wanted- is to live my life in my own way (travelling and meeting new people)...

   replyreport
2. 80

   LisaKoskiposted 12 years ago

   I went through a similar situation. My parents got so controlling they even kicked me out because I didn't do exactly what they wanted. In the end, I found that distancing myself (not just physically but in terms of basically cutting them off a little in communication) helped. I actually didn't talk to my parents for a whole year but I think the length of time or how much communication is cut depends on you. When I did this, my parents realized how independent I was because obviously I was able to survive a day without a phonecall to or from them and I could make decisions on my own that didn't destroy my life. I don't know if that helps but that's just based on my own experience.

   replyreport
3. 39

   Tamilarasan123posted 12 years ago

   ya me too in that situation...
   i am proving i am matured and i can stand on my own legs...
   i am proved with my decision  is a best for my family...
   soon i will expecting it from you...

   replyreport
4. 92

   Faceless39posted 12 years ago

   You're an adult.  I think that you need to directly tell them that you appreciate their advice, but your life is yours to live.  You don't like them trying to control your life.  Tell them exactly how you feel.  Communicate.  Don't bottle it up, don't let them do it.

   replyreport
5. 86

   Ms Deeposted 12 years ago

   It really is important to have a good boundary between ourselves and our parents once we are grown up and on our own. There is a book that helped me once upon a time to learn how to do that, even though it is not easy. It helped me see how to  not only cut the control 'strings' emotionally to reduce the emotional pressure of parental disapproval. Maybe you will find it helpful. It is "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No-To Take Control of Your Life" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
   
   May you find emotional release as you seek help for your particular situation.

   replyreport
6. 58

   shorty72posted 12 years ago

   Can really relate I have got to the stage where I hardly ever see my mum for my own sanity. I love her to bits but she hates that I make my own choices and I have never asked for her opinion. It seems to be working well I go and visit but when I want not when she wants.
   The only advice I could give you is stand your ground and tell them that they are your choices not theirs. After a while they will realise that your not a child and can cope with out them.

   replyreport
7. 61

   pfenbyposted 12 years ago

   Even though your parents most likely believe they are attempting to be helpful, quite obviously they are doing more harm than good. It sounds like they are overly protective parents who obviously love you but are overly excessive in their approach.
   
   You do need to live your life the way you feel is right for you. Personally I do believe having distance from them will help & living your life that makes you feel good. I understand that parents believe they are being helpful at times but they also need to learn when it is time to just love & support their adult kids & give advice when asked. It is obvious that they want the best for you but are going about it the wrong way.
   
   In the end do what makes you happy, set boundaries & the book that was recommended by another here called Boundaries is a good read & learn to be happy with the decisions you have made for yourself. I'm sure in time your parents may learn to respect your decisions. All the best.

   replyreport