What is the best method to forgiving some one that hurt you very badly?

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   Cristaleposted 11 years ago

   What is the best method to forgiving some one that hurt you very badly?
   
   We should forgive and love our enemies, but it's so difficult....

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   JThomp42posted 11 years ago

   That is SO HARD to do. Especially if they have hurt you so badly. My faith tells me to forgive, So I do. It is the mind that I have a hard time with. Trying to forget is by far the most difficult thing to do.

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      Cristaleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It's not really forgetting, because you don't ever want to forget an incident that changed you and/or your life. It's forgiving and trying to love them after that is eating me alive.

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      JThomp42posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      In that case, If they hurt me and broke my trust in a Romantic relationship I would move on. I've lived and learned. No second chances for betrayal. If they do it once? They will do it again.

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      Neil Sperlingposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I learned that if my daughters are strong enough to push me away........ (see comment under my 1st reply) they are strong enough to make their life good. I just let them know my door is open..... FLY

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      JThomp42posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      AMEN!!!!

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      SparrowMinistriesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree in the case of a serious betrayal, no second chance is warranted!  The important thing is to heal from it so you don't take that hurt into the next relationship and poison it, too.

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      JThomp42posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      AMEN!! ABSOLUTELY DEAD ON SparrowMinistries.

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   Neil Sperlingposted 11 years ago

   that is actually very easy to do.... very easy. Three step process
   
   1- totally accept yourself as you are.... who you are.... and what you are!  FLY*
   2- once you accept yourself, "only then" can you accept others,... so now accept the other as they are, for who they are and what they are.
   3- Enjoy life.... include the bumps.... so therefore now accept life as it is.
   
   FLY........... F.L.Y.
   F irst
   L ove
   Y ourself
   
   Through self love and life acceptance - there is nothing to forgive..... just let go and MOVE ON!

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      Neil Sperlingposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Cristale - I have a similar story as I read on your Bio - My Ex made it impossible to see my girls for years - one of the two daughters moved in with me after she went down some bad roads and her mom kicked her out.... the other I have not seen 12 yr

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      SparrowMinistriesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Neil, for me, it is simple, in that it is easy to understand, but not necessarily easy to do.  It took me so long to learn to love myself! But I agree that once we can accept ourselves, accepting and forgiving others naturally follows. Great answer!

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      Cristaleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Neil, what you were feeling during that horrible time....that is on the page I am on today.

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      Neil Sperlingposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Christale -- I hurt only a short while as I already had learned to like myself and accept myself as I was... and also the same with life.. it is what it is.. the only jump I had to make is accept my ex,  since I could accept myself & life - was e

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   SparrowMinistriesposted 11 years ago

   I wrote a hub about this.  It is called steps to forgiveness and letting go.  I think it would help you.  I have heard it said that the best thing to do when you have trouble forgiving someone is to pray for them.  Although I have heard many people say that this worked for them, it never helped me.  It just made me think about "what they did" and "how they are" even more and I would get more upset.  It is important to separate forgiveness from allowing yourself to be a victim.  If someone proves to you they are not trustworthy, are not a good friend, are a poor coworker, etc., take the steps necessary to protect yourself.  All the way up to ending the relationship if necessary, or reporting the behavior to authorities, or whatever is appropriate.  Forgiving one bad choice made by an otherwise loving friend or family member is usually not difficult.  It's the people that continually hurt you with no regard for your welfare and no remorse.  That is where people get confused.  They think forgiveness means to tolerate being treated badly.  No.  Forgiveness means you leave judgment for their wrong-doing up to God.  It means you don't have the right to play God.  It means releasing your anger to God and receiving your recompense from God.  It means allowing yourself to be healed without getting revenge.  Protect and love yourself in a healthy, balanced way and you won't have time to nurse a grudge.  There is a saying, harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison, hoping the other person will get sick.  Unforgiveness only hurts you, never the other person.  In fact, it feeds their already over inflated sense of self importance. I hope this helps.  I think my hub might help you, too.  I hope you read it!  God bless you!

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      Cristaleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much!

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      SparrowMinistriesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You are welcome!  Your question sparked a lot of interest.  I like to see good people helping one another.  Grace and peace to you!

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   Jynzlyposted 11 years ago

   Forgiving is one of the most lofty experience one could ever have; it's almost, if not exactly the same with falling in love. It's a realization of something "spiritual" or beyond human rules or steps to follow. It is a "spiritual" experience that could bring us blessings and "good luck" once we truly experience it in the deepest and real sense of the word.
   The question then is...who had hurt you badly? How serious is your relationship with the person who had hurt you? Had he/she hurt you enough for you to allow him/her to destroy your most cherished dreams and your life eventually? If he cannot affect you that much, then there is actually no forgiving to do...just brush him/her off your shoulders...the point is "be reasonable" instead of being manipulative or of being easily manipulated.

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      Cristaleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      This is exactly what I was thinking. A "spiritual" experience that will open many doors and allow growing to take place.

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   ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years ago

   It is very difficult to forget the hurt, although we usually do not have any option but to forgive that person. Especially, if it has been done by someone very close, it becomes all the more difficult. The more you want to forget, it remains stubbornly in your mind. But, we have to move on, for our own benefit. So, it is wise to do that.
   Certain things are not in our control and are best to be left to God.

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   ii3rittlesposted 11 years ago

   There is no easy way. I guess the best method is to think of all the good things that person has done for you and focus on that the best you can. Forgiving someone is one of the easiest things to do, but the hardest to master. It takes time, patients and a lot of love. Let your heart take control and ignore your mind, because its our minds that want to continue to remind us the bad things people have done to us.

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   padmendraposted 11 years ago

   Forgiving someone who has hurt you badly is actually an act which is selfish rather than selfless one.  When you bear a grudge on someone who has hurt you badly  as if you are carrying his memory with you wherever you go. This way you will be losing your energy as well as peace of mind.  The best way is to forgive him and let your all hated and hostility thoughts against him  go from your mind and heart by just showing your silence  on this issue. forever. The moment you forgive him, you will find a respite and peace within you.

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   TheImpatientposted 11 years ago

   I will not forgive but in your case,just forgive him/her ,it does not mean to love her/him coz this will make you look weak,it just means to ignore her/him.
   Hope this helps : )

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    msorenssonposted 11 years ago

    I don't think anyone intends to hurt anyone, really...However it does happen...and when it does, the immediate tendency is to be angry and to hurt back, to entertain thoughts of revenge. Then the other side is you will blame yourself.
    
    We cannot know the reason why the other person did what they did..perhaps they do not even know that they hurt you..it is possible.
    
    The only person we can change is ourselves. We forgive ourselves first and then it would be easier to forgive another.
    
    Where there is pain there is an opening to learn..This is very challenging to see but when you are truly honest with yourself, you will know that there was a lesson.
    
    Forgiveness as an act of will becomes unnecessary. it is a product of your own growth.

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    izettlposted 11 years ago

    Wrote a hub about this a while back Forgiveness Bootcamp. Basically, It sounds a little obvious, but forgiveness is like guilt in that only we can do something about it and decide to let it go. Simple as that- just like you would free yourself from guilt you can free yourself by forgiving. And like you've probably heard before forgiveness is not forgetting. the only shame would be in not learning from the experience.
    
    We trip ourselves up with guilt, loathing, dwelling, not forgiving someone and really it harms us. I think we are in a weak state until we forgive. 
    "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." Lewis B. Smedes
    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Gandhi

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    jennshealthstoreposted 11 years ago

    It is hard to forgive a person that has hurt us. But remember forgiving has to happen in order to heal. If you forgive another person, you are allowing yourself to rid the heavy feeling you have in your heart. Forgiving another really has to do with helping ourselves.
    
    If you stay mad at another there are a couple of things that happen:
    
    1. You are giving them control. They are actually dictating how you feel if you let what they did control your emotions.
    2. You are placing a heavy feeling on your heart which will make you bitter and uncomfortable.
    3. Your mind will not be clear and you will not be able to move on or heal.
    
    Just because you forgive another does not mean that you have to become friends with them again. You should let them know that you have forgiven them, but you do not care to associate with a person that is going to be hurtful to them.
    
    You can check out my hubs if you like, I did write an article on forgiving others. Good luck!

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    Esrom Artposted 11 years ago

    If you really want to forgive someone, it should come from your heart. But sometimes it difficult because we want to revenge it. But if you really want to forgive, you should pray and talking to God in the middle of night. Every night you should do pray until you forgive your enemy. If praying did not make you forgive your enemy, you should do fasting for several days or until you able to pray and forgive your enemy. That is I learn from my Christian perspective. Even Jesus said to His disciples to pray and fasting if they want to cure people from disease and gave forgiveness. God bless you. Thanks

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    nightwork4posted 11 years ago

    i disagree. i don't forgive anyone who has hurt me badly. to forgive is basically saying "go ahead and do it again" forgiveness is foolish, wrong and self-destructive. i don't dwell on anyone who has done me wrong, i just never forgive them.

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    Sue St. Clairposted 11 years ago

    Many hurts are never forgiven due to people not understanding what forgiveness is. This hub takes a look at the common mistakes involved in forgiveness and ways to avoid them. read more

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