Bumped into an old friend who wants to be friends again, good or bad idea?

1. 67

   BSloanposted 11 years ago

   Bumped into an old friend who wants to be friends again, good or bad idea?
   
   What do you do when you bump into an old friend who you no longer have anything in common with and you no longer want to be friends with?

   replyreport
2. 0

   Starmom41posted 11 years ago

   I read your hub on this subject, so if you don't mind my input- as long as the person didn't do anything really horrible, I think you should at least offer her the truth (that you don't have anything in common anymore).  She might be hurt or upset, but at least it's showing respect by being honest. 
   I understand your POV because I have a similar situation and haven't yet handled it- mainly because I can also understand the other side of the issue as the person I'd considered my lifelong best friend wouldn't even answer when I tried to get in touch with her, & I don't want this other person to feel as bad as I do.

   replyreport
3. 71

   stanwshuraposted 11 years ago

   Not nearly enough info inasmuch as you asking the question means you have misgivings about what I think is almost always the obvious answer:  YES!
   
   Is the diminished "incommonness" the basis of your disinterest?  How long had it been since you'd seen each other.  You can always invite over for a cookout or for a beer or two and maybe catch a game on the tube.
   
   Or, given that you categorized this under gender and relationships, were there sparks before which fizzed out, leaving future interactions....ummmm....AWWKWAAARD!. 
   
   If you and (she?) were "girlfriends" (in the platonic use so common among many women), was there a nasty falling out?  Invite her over for coffee and maybe to catch up and patch up.
   
   Ultimately it's your call.  If you gut is screaming one answer over another, there's probably a reason, and so I'd pay some serious attention to those instincts. 
   
   Good luck.

   replyreport
   1. 67

      BSloanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think I would love the friendship with the person I once knew, not the person she has become.  My main problem, she's leaving her husband & has a boyfriend, and I just don't agree because of the kids.  I love who she was not who she is now.

      replyreport
   2. 71

      stanwshuraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Eww..yucky.   Living your values can be a bitter sacrifice.  But then, if her current "ways" are a deterent aesthetic, and you don't wish to associate with who she has become (or at least as she's behaving now), that's your call - and a valid one.

      replyreport
4. 61

   Eunice Stuhlhoferposted 11 years ago

   It depends on why you lost contact in the first place and why you now feel you no longer wants to be friends with them. You know this person better than anyone else here, so you can make your decision based on this info.
   
   From experience, some friends leave our lives when they outlive their purpose.There are some who are meant to stay, and they are few but most will fade away as a natural occurrence. The challenge is to let them go at the right time without feeling guilty. Some friends can prevent us from reaching our full potential.

   replyreport
5. 67

   ptosisposted 11 years ago

   
   
   I guess you don't want to pretend to be friends with a person you no longer want to be friends with. Unless there is a reason for polite contact with this person  then just distance yourself.
   
   I guess you want to be true to yourself and others and not become an 'ambivalent friend'. You can speak the truth without being mean.

   replyreport
6. 71

   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   It would depend on the friend. If you now have nothing in common, you should try to see them at least once to make them happy then just drop off the map.

   replyreport
7. 0

   Jade0215posted 11 years ago

   It depends on the reasons why you stopped being friends. If they're genuinely a good person that didn't try and sabotage any part of your life and aren't involved with drugs and excessive drinking then it doesn't hurt to try and reconnect with them. People can change so you never know, you could turn into friends again.

   replyreport
8. 0

   JThomp42posted 11 years ago

   I think it all depends on why you were "Old" Friends. On what terms did you stop being friends?

   replyreport