How would you handle a friend who insults you and seems jealous?

1. 67

   LoriSoardposted 12 years ago

   How would you handle a friend who insults you and seems jealous?
   
   So, I have a friend. No, I can't just not be friends, because we are in the same circle of friends. She insults me. If something good happens, she points out the potential negative. If I get something new, she says, "Only the best for you." How would you handle someone like this? I usually just ignore her, but it is starting to make me angry. She is not the type you can talk to about things, either.

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2. 75

   badeggposted 12 years ago

   I would just ask him or her if there was an underlying problem that they might care to discuss. Express your concerns to them and leave the ball in their court. If they keep it up, they are not your friend.

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3. 61

   Carynbritposted 12 years ago

   Oh boy,so i understand what you mean. I have a friend who is exactly the same. It's one of those things that can really bug you and make you want to ask them.. why can't you be happy for me?
   When something good happens maybe our friends are jealous or negative because they have something missing in their own lives,making them feel like they are lacking in something themselves?
   
   The main trouble is you say that she isn't the type to talk about things either,which is unfortunate because you can't get a dialog going.
     I tend to not share my good things as much as I like,but that makes me sad.
   Sorry that's not that helpful

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4. 59

   YvetteParkerposted 12 years ago

   I think that you have already answered your own question when you said you 'can't just not be friends'. You realize that this person is NOT your friend; but for some reason, you feel compelled to keep her in your circle of friends regardless of how she makes you feel.
   
   Now, I understand that friends don't agree on everything and there will be times that you have to agree to disagree on certain issues. But, if this "friend's" actions are so negative that they're causing you to harbor anger after failed attempts to ignore her jabs and you can't talk to her about it...Ithen it doesn't sound like you have a friend at all.
   
   Examine your reasons for wanting to continue and maintain this 'friendship'. Do you feel as though you deserve to be treated this way? If you do, you really don't need any enemies.
   
   I suggest you put some distance between you and this person and see how it goes if you two are unable to talk about it amicably. If she continues in her ways, then let your hater be your motivator for moving forward to find a true, real friend that will respect you, value what's important to you, and treat you with kindness.

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5. 60

   Tmonicaposted 12 years ago

   When reading this I see that you say you can't not just be friends, but having someone like that in your life is not good for you. A friend would always be happy for you and excited for you when you get something you wanted and the insults are unacceptable. I know you said you usually ignore it but there is only so much a person can take. I would say to try and keep as much distance as possible and no matter what anyone says, don't let them make you feel bad try to stay positive and be happy for what you have. I would say try to talk to her and let her know how you feel, but if she is not the type to talk things over with that may not go to well.

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6. 67

   LoriSoardposted 12 years ago

   Thanks everyone for your input. I realize she isn't really a true friend to me or anyone else. I hate to give up on a friendship, but it may come to that.

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7. 61

   Grime Remixposted 12 years ago

   Thank you for the question.  Your friend seems to be on the negative side.  Life is so very short and precious.  Ask yourself, can you really afford a moment of her foolishness? 
   
   If it were me I'd try exactly what you've been doing, ignoring her.  If she makes a big deal about it then I'd have to be upfront and honest with her.  Let her know how much it bothers you. If this bothers other people then they truly don't have your interest at heart in the first place and maybe not the best group to share your time with. 
   
   No matter what happens I hope the situation comes to an end soon peacefully and easily.

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8. 61

   perfectperceptionposted 12 years ago

   You should not be on the defense everytime you are around what is supposed to be your friend.  Leave them alone.  TRUE friends are comforting, not insulting and jealousy never plays a part in your relationship with them.

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9. 69

   truthfornowposted 12 years ago

   I had this same experience.  The final insult for me was a comment about how I will never make it on my own.  What I did was to slowly limit my contact with the person.  I never came right out and said to her that we were not friends.  However, in my mind I decided we were not friends.  I just distanced myself and avoid seeing her when possible.  If I do see her, I just make sure I keep it superficial ~ don't share anything that is important to me and don't get into deep conversations.

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10. 86

    lorenmurciaposted 12 years ago

    I guess many of us experience having a jealous former friend.
    
    In my case, she was the one who changed and bad-mouthed me in front of other people. It began when I was almost through with my master's degree. After 2 years, she decided to pursue her graduate studies. Unfortunately for her, she failed the entrance examination. So she enrolled in another school but until now, she still has ill-feelings toward me. At first, I was angry with her. But when I realized my life gets better if I don't think ill of others, I just shrug her off. Besides, there are other people whom she is also at odds with so I don't mind her anymore.

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11. 0

    reeltaulkposted 12 years ago

    Stfu!!..........................................that's what you tell her and more than likely she'll do it, forever!  Especially since she isn't expecting you to behave that way.  You can't consider this tit for tat, but once people understand the nature of balance then they will begin to act accordingly instead of allowing irrelevant people to walk on them and bold facely disrespect them.  All it takes is one time and you will have whomsoever is  rude and out of order come together.  You can only be decent with someone who practices decency.  As for those who walk around acting as though they don't have a clue what they are doing.....give em a clue, every now and again, it's only right!  as well as healthy!  There is no reason anyone should accept that bold faceness from anyone.

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12. 78

    TIMETRAVELER2posted 12 years ago

    This person is not a friend.  She's a negative in your life.  Life is always better with fewer negatives, therefore, you'd be better off without her.

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13. 60

    NiaLeeposted 12 years ago

    I did have a friend like that and I only dealt with the situation 2 weeks a go. We have been through the thick of it together, she has done a lot to help and support but she is too negative and gets bitterer each day.
    The first time, she was sick and I got scared because we talk every day and I hadn't had news from her. I got worried so I called, not aware of any wrong in our relationship. She insulted me on the phone saying I bothered her and hung up on me. After two weeks of silence, she started calling me again and apologized. I was hurt and disappointed but I believe in forgiveness.
    The only thing is that you don't forgive to be wronged and hurt again. She did it two more times, the last time two weeks ago.
    I politely told her I would leave her alone and she could try reaching me when she really feels like being a friend.
    She is not a loving person at all and wonders why people don't love her or why she deals with so much negativity...she produces it herself and shares with people around. Now, I am still hurt because of the feeling of betrayal I had the first time I realized to me that she didn't have affection for me but something opposite. Her heart revealed itself that first time and then again.
    Whatever it is for her, I need to have real friends around, friends I love, who love me, I respect, who respect me and we need to be able to trust each other and have each others' back...or it is not friendship.
    
    Please, do the same, she is not your friend. They are good people out there who will enjoy your friendship and have your back.
    Love and peace

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    1. 80

       Laura Schneiderposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Very well said and very good example! I'm sorry for your loss of a friend who changed.

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14. 60

    tlmcgaa70posted 12 years ago

    as far as insults go, let your actions speak louder than her words. your other friends will see what kind of person she is and not listen to her (if they are true friends. if not then what they think does not matter). never stoop to her level by returning insults as this will backfire on you.  be a true friend and forgive her. people are usually jealous because they have their own insecurities alway on their mind. maybe if you offered to let her have something hse greatly admired (she will show more jealousy over it than other things) she would realize you arent giving yourself airs. sometimes it is best to be a long distance friend. that means dont invest your emotions in that person, dont attempt to win them over...but if they ever need you be there for them, even if they never show their thanks. you are being the better friend, let that be your comfort. so long as you know the truth about yourself and like it...it does not matter what others say or think about you. accept yourself and those insults will lose their sting.

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15. 66

    xethonxqposted 12 years ago

    If you can't talk to her then I would either write her a letter (if you're still interested in the "friendship") or I would just be blunt as hell when she does it so she gets the point that you don't appreciate it.

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16. 61

    Ana Teixeiraposted 12 years ago

    as i see it, you have to choices : B***H up or ignore her.
    People like that only respond to one thing... pay them in the same coin.
    You don't need to REALLY get down to her level,... but you need to make your point across in a firm way and just say "could you please stop it? It's getting annoying". You need to put your foot down. You need to break the pattern. People only step on you if YOU let them

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17. 80

    Laura Schneiderposted 12 years ago

    This person is NOT your friend, even if you're in the same group of friends and stuck together. Either that, or it's a VERY bad habit she follows with everyone (is she doing this to others--even everyone--in the group?). You need to mentally stop being friends with this person, even if practically you're in the same group so she's there. Avoid riding in the same car with her, avoid sitting next to her at events, just find any way you can to avoid her. Truthfornow said it better, and I totally agree with her.

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18. 60

    Kiss andTalesposted 7 years ago

    It is still humblness on your part to apply friend when she really does not fit the meaning.
    And what we usually do is ignore the insults and attacts.  Until it gets to a high level of disrespect. Even physical
    The point is it is what it is she not your friend. Even if a person does the smallest petty thing to you it means they do not like you accept the truth and move yourself from the danger zone. Just regroup with those who have your interest and care about you.
    You can not make people do what they dont want to do. It is their lost of a good person .they just may not deserve you .

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