Do you believe in open marriages?

1. 62

   mintinfoposted 11 years ago

   Do you believe in open marriages?
   
   Why or why not.
   
   

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2. 0

   ViolinByCourtneyposted 11 years ago

   I don't believe an open marriage is a marriage except on paper. There is no commitment, no cherishing, no concern for children involved or other relationships you might be disrupting, and no incentive to stay in the relationship long term if you should decide you are no longer comfortable with the arrangement.

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      Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you. This is a good way of describing these relationships. Why be married if you will not commit or your spouse refuses to?

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3. 70

   stanwshuraposted 11 years ago

   Well, considering I feel marriage to be a societal scream of mistrust such that it needs those who procreate to pledge fidelity and what not before they screw, I am suprised to find myself bothering to opine that an "open marriage" is an oxymoron.

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4. 81

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   I believe every couple is entitled to do what they feel is best for their marital happiness. I don't judge what other couples choose to do. However for me personally I would not knowingly choose to share my wife with another man or men. I'm too visual of a person for that. I'd wonder if she is more passionate/freaky with him? LOL!
   Seriously I don't know how anyone could handle being at home alone while their mate is out on a date or having a weekend getaway with someone else. Odds are it's rare that both spouses will have "other people" in their lives at the same time. This is especially true if they have children. Someone has to be with the children.
   I would imagine the spouse without a "side mate" would become resentful at some point. And there is the possibility one of you could actually fall "in love" with the side mate and choose to get divorced.
   The only exception in my opinion that these arrangements might work best is if the marriage is in (name only) and there are no longer any romantic feelings. According to reports there are a lot of "sexless marriages" and couples who are basically roommates/friends with the same last name.

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5. 72

   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   Not at all. By getting married, you agreed to value your spouse. When you have an open marriage, you are putting down your spouse. Basically saying "your good, but not good enough". Honestly, I think someone who has an open marriage or cheats does not consider their spouse everything they need. They seem to lack the patience and discipline to make their marriage last without involving other individuals. Part of being married is the joy of looking at your spouse and saying "mine".

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      Eunice Stuhlhoferposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You've said it well Iburmaster.

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   2. 70

      stanwshuraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Mmmwwell, if both spouses agree with this sentiment, then blessings to both.  For my taste, "mine" sounds awfully possessive.  The hands off my spouse part I get, the "your mine so do what I say" makes me cringe, even as I may alone in seeing this.

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   3. 72

      lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Of course it's possessive! That's the point! It's not "do what I say", it's "leave my spouse alone". If he isn't happy just with you, there is something wrong. He doesn't think you are worth it and isn't loyal. You deserve better.

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   4. 0

      Rayne123posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      very good reasoning

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6. 60

   Dog Maposted 11 years ago

   It really depends on the couple, but I don't think a lot of marriages survive it.  I worry more about the kids.  If you are both so busy operating outside your marriage who is taking care of the kids?  And does having an open marriage show lack of respect for your kids?  Its all about them from 0-18.

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7. 0

   savvydatingposted 11 years ago

   No, at least not in heterosexual relationships. It is depressing for either partner to be left at home, while the other one is out. Let's face it, both partners don't always want to go out at the same time to be with someone else. Thus, there will be times when he or she wants the spouse at home, plain and simple. They'll feel like having dinner and cuddling, and they won't be able to do that - not even if they call up some yahoo and invite him/her over. Then begins the heartache, resentment and loss of self-esteem. Open marriage is a sure-fire way to destroy  trust over time.
   On the other hand, if a spouse is very discreet, some women and perhaps a few men will tolerate the infidelity. And by discreet, I mean, the neighbors and relatives know nothing. If a woman suspects her husband cheats, she might tolerate his cheating only if she believes deep down he isn't going to divorce her and abandon the children. She may accept that he needs other women. It could be her libido is lower than his and the other woman gives her a break. Who knows? But that isn't an open marriage. Rather, it is a discreet lifestyle that some couples fall into because the husband remains devoted and loving toward his family despite his occasional romps, which he never ever throws in his wife's face. He wants to remain married. So the less she knows the better, as far as both of them are concerned. In fact, It is the only way she can put up with the cheating.
   Personally, I'm pretty sure I would see red if I had to go through all that.

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   1. 70

      stanwshuraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      As a gay man of 41, I can assure you that marriage means as much if not more to many gay couples, given how hard a fighg it's proving to be and have been on the way to equality.  As I stated in direct response, I feel an open marriage is an oxymoron.

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      savvydatingposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Stanwshura, what I'm saying is that historically, many gay men have given their partners permission to stray. Meanwhile, most heterosexuals women would never agree to an open marriage. It's a female thing, which is why I used the term heterosexual.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree "she might tolerate his cheating only if she believes deep down he isn't going to divorce her and abandon the children. She may accept that he needs other women. It could be her libido is lower" This is often the case for rich & powerful

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   4. 70

      stanwshuraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks to you both for that feedback.  It does affirm my unease that the *origins* of the institution of marriage were to guarantee that the father of any children doesn't stray, libido or not.  Women do not have that option to say "s/he's not mine!"

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8. 79

   jlparkposted 11 years ago

   Given that I think that it's rude for anyone else to have their nose in someone else's marriage - I can't say that it botthers me - I do not take interest in the marriage of other people, and what they get up to.
   
   Why? Because it doesn't affect me.  Just like my marriage doesn't affect them.  So exactly what right do I have to shove my opinion in there.
   
   If they are happy - good for them.  If they are not - they should work on that first.
   
   But otherwise, none of my business

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9. 86

   Express10posted 11 years ago

   No, I believe that marriage doesn't involve third parties, affairs, etc. To me, marriage means that the two want to be together for the rest of their lives. Not three, four, or more. If someone wants to be free to mingle then they should remain single (and child free).

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10. 92

    Elderberry Artsposted 11 years ago

    I think that it is up to the individuals involved and what works for them. I do not believe in judging other people's choices. As long as they hurt no one else, what it is the issue? I have a friend who is in an open marriage and it works for them and has done for many years.

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11. 59

    Amy Pirozzoloposted 11 years ago

    No, I don't. Marriage is a commitment between two people. Fidelity is pledged for life. How can you pledge fidelity and then not be true.

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12. 0

    Rayne123posted 11 years ago

    Why do you have a picture of Will smith and his wife, do they have an open relationship that you know about.
    
    I personally do not believe in it. I really think it is a form of scam to allow cheating. I usually see its the man with many wives and not the other way around.
    
    I think this is a great way to cheat without cheating nor justifying it. It is the easy way out of a problem in the relationship.
    
    If you have children, either you lie to them its wrong or tell them the truth, its wrong. I think children live what they learn and seeing their parents doing something makes it right in their eyes as all children trust their own parents. So chances are they end up living the same way.
    
    It may be fun at first (for those in it) but the novelty wears off, and to the contrary of it being a way to make your own relationship better, clearly one may fall for someone else or have "feelings". We cant always control our feelings, it happens.
    
    There are going to be jealousy issues and what not, there is no way this will lead to a perfect life no way.
    
    Just my opinion, anyone else can obviously do what they want in their own lives.
    
    I am pretty positive this is one of the 10 commandments broken.
    Laurie

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    1. 81

       dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       It has been reported that Will & Jada Smith have an "open marriage".

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    2. 62

       mintinfoposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       As dashingscorpio said, it is a widely circulated rumor that Will and Jada have an open marriage. Recently when asked about it in an interview she said that she lets Will do whatever makes him happy.

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    3. 86

       Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Yes, those rumors have been around for many years. It seems to me that people who have open relationships see it as a given that they'll be cheated on and are trying to act as if they are instead giving permission rather than being offended.

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       Rayne123posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I never heard that about them. It probably was blown out of proportion once again If she told him to do whatever makes him happy, I am guessing there is a lot more to this convo we dont know.

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    5. 81

       dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Express10, Maybe it's possible that "cheating" is not an automatic "deal breaker" for everybody. It wouldn't work for me but to each his/her own.

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    6. 0

       Rayne123posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I didnt know that about their marriage

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13. 60

    cuttlerposted 11 years ago

    NO! I TOTALLY DISAGREE TO OPEN MARRIAGES.
    My reason is that marriage is sacred in the eyes of God and to go about sharing the pleasures of marriage with others is just out of question.
    It is such a pity that the world today has watered down the sanctity of marriage.

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14. 66

    Lady Guinevereposted 11 years ago

    First What is a marraige and 2nd Husbands had concubines and Eunuchs in their marriages according to the Bible.  Priests had several wives also in the Biblical Days.  That was stopped when the state couldn't get taxes and then the church forbade marriage of priests.
    According to the definition that is in the Bible it is when two people copulate.  It had nothing to do with a piece of paper between two people, just sexual intercourse.  It also does not stipulate how many in a marriage. 
    If they can get passed the jealousy factor I see nothing wrong with it.  Myself, I don't believe that one can serve 2 masters, but .....others can and more power to them.

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15. 94

    peeplesposted 10 years ago

    I have mixed feelings on the issue and actually found this question after asking my own last night about the topic. I read an article on it that struck my curiosity yesterday. So today my husband and I have been doing some talking. I guess a lot of our thoughts are why can't two people be happily married, love each other, be best friends, grow old together, AND have an open relationship. Is it really fair to tell someone that they are stuck dealing with times when you may not feel like being sexually active with them? Do we just tell them "hey you're on your own, deal with it"? After all if you love someone and are going to spend the rest of your life with them AND you have both communicated all of that then why does it matter if there are purely sexual side partners. I'm not saying I don't see negatives, just that after discussing it and reading up on it there really seems to be a lot of misconceptions about the topic. I have read  of tons of successful open marriages. Just my thoughts.

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