How to get over divorce

1. 57

   Sunny Hollidayposted 10 years ago

   How to get over divorce

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2. 86

   Billie Kelpinposted 10 years ago

   Take a "sunny holiday" (Could't resist the play on your name.  Actually, I think that's a bit of a first step - a name so cheery)  Usually someone who asks this question is a person who didn't want the divorce.  People who aren't divorced, in general, tend to assume that divorces happen in marriages where something was dreadfully wrong.That wasn't my case, at least from my perspective.  I had a wonderful husband and lovely little family. I did get THROUGH the dark tunnel and walked out to the other side, but the scars are there.  Like a physical scar, you live with the emotional scar.  You learn to cover it up, work around it, distract yourself from it, not let it interfere with your life.  There are many stages.  In the rawest first stage, a person definitely needs the support of people who understand. I had the good fortune of having a "divorced and separated" group in our church. Being around supportive, understanding, empathetic people is essential.
   (If the divorce is not final, I would suggest Dr. Scott Halzman's work.) 
   You will find many answers from people who have experienced divorce from all sides here on hubpages and from people who  counsel others and have a much more professional opinion than mine.  I'm sure you'll get much great advice.
   Every divorce is individual and personal and every person has his or her own strengths and weaknesses in coping.  I'm not ashamed to say that I was not one with strengths in handling my husband's leaving.  It's just who I am and how much it all meant to me.  I will be eternally grateful for people who managed the "hot line" in Minneapolis to talk to me in the middle of the nights early on when I just couldn't seem to bear to go on.  I also don't know what I would have done without wonderful counselors throughout these many years.
   There was a tremendous need to talk and talk and talk it all out in the intial stages.  That was why the group at my church was essential.  We were the "walking wounded" helping each other, knowing how much we all needed to express our emotions. (I actually met the man I would eventually marry in this group.  He's changing the batteries in our fire alarm as I write!)
   Music helped during that time as well.  I remember one ironic song by Roy Orbison, "You're the Only One:
   And you're the only one with a broken heart
   The only one who's afraid of the dark
   The only one in a crowded room
   The only one who sees the gloom...
   It helped me to realize that I truly did feel like the only one experiencing this and ironically the millions of others who were experiencing this crisis also felt like "the only one." It was comforting.

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3. 93

   jansharesposted 10 years ago

   Look for the lessons learned from the marriage, grieve the losses, and incorporate the lessons into your next relationship. Divorce really is like a death, so treat it accordingly in order to mourn, heal, and grow from it. I wrote a hub about this subject.

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4. 79

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   Grieve among your close friends and family members.
   Get back to doing things you enjoyed and probably neglected doing as much once you got married. You were an individual before you became a couple.
   Most people start loving themselves by being good to themselves; going to the gym, eating write, making new friends, and rediscovering who they are. They set career, educational, or other personal goals.
   Eventually they meet new people and start dating.
   The important thing to keep in mind is the fact that divorce is not the end of the world! With a divorce rate hovering around 50% it's not exactly something that people can't relate to.
   In order for your ex to have been "the one' they would have had to see you as being "the one". Avoid over romanticizing the past!
   Accept that it's over, grieve, and move on.
   "Every ending is a new beginning!"

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