How do you forgive when others hurt your deeply?

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   Inspired Heartposted 10 years ago

   How do you forgive when others hurt your deeply?
   
   We sometimes find it difficult to forgive those who hurt us.  But research shows that forgiving others has health benefits. Even more, the Bible instructs Christians to forgive those who wrong them

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   Bk42authorposted 10 years ago

   I'll forgive people because not forgiving is very toxic and benefits no one. However, if what the person did was intentional and meant to hurt me, although I will forgive them because not doing so won't change the past, I will cut them out of my life. I don't see any reason to keep someone destructive like that around.

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      Inspired Heartposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for responding Bk42author.

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   Kathleen Cochranposted 10 years ago

   Wrote a hub about this issue.  My best answer is that, if the person asks to be forgiven, you act as though you've forgiven no matter how you actually feel, and hope your feelings eventually catch up.

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      Inspired Heartposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for response Kathleen. Yes, our feelings catch after we make the choice to forgive.

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   Dave36posted 10 years ago

   It says in the bible "forgive them for they know not what they do", so it's pretty clear to me..So they don't know they've let themselves turn into the type of person, that does harm to others when they do the harming..Even if you thought 100% that they do know their doing it, the very fact that being good does feel better than doing bad proves they don't know their doing it..Mean bad evil acts are done by people not in control of their mind/body, & they have been too lazy to fight their mind using will power..So in actual fact we should feel empathy for those people that have hurt us, because we should know their just weak people..They will learn one day (hopefully), & we should just be pleased we're not one of those people..I would say cut all ties with people who hurt us asap, but just know before hand that they can't help themselves, & that's why they hurt us etc when they did or do..IF we don't forgive them, then "we're" being controlled by our mind into holding onto a grudge..So they didn't know they was doing/did it, & the past is the past & it can't be changed..The next time someone hurts us we should just think about what it's doing to their soul, & what sort of person their turning into..The guilt will get them at the end of the day, & we know that because how guilty would we feel if we did what they did?..They might put a brave face on things & act like their happy, but they can't be happy with themselves deep down because we wouldn't be..If we knew the full life story of the person who hurt us, & saw all their experiences etc..We might be able to say AHA it was that which led to that, which led them to act/treat me like they did..We can't say that but what we can say is that, any time someone does/says anything bad towards us, it's "them" that has some sort of problem or is having a bad day/life etc.

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      Inspired Heartposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your response Dave36; it makes sense to forgive.

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   Ceegenposted 10 years ago

   Jesus said "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."
   
   Meaning that God should forgive them for being deceived. If they had known what they were doing, they wouldn't have done it, but that is how deception works. I try to follow that, and forgive freely, because I know that those who wrong me are being deceived also.

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      Inspired Heartposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your response Ceegen. We forgive even as we are forgiven.

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   lone77starposted 10 years ago

   The simplest answer is this -- assume the viewpoint of God: Love.
   
   If our love is unconditional, infinite and generous, then forgiveness becomes easy. If we still cling to something as "important," then our love becomes impure. If someone steals our money and we remain attached to that money as "Important," then we cannot forgive. We must view the money as decidedly unimportant and love to be of utmost importance -- important not to "self" (ego), but because it is what the Father is.
   
   Another approach to forgiveness is one of taking perfect (100%) responsibility for the actions of another. Most people are hardwired to blame someone else for the things those people have done to us. Blame and responsibility are polar opposites in this mortal realm; but True responsibility in its perfected form is divine -- above the dichotomy of responsibility-blame. This perfect form of responsibility has no blame -- not even a spot of it. If you take 100% responsibility for anything, you can no longer be a victim. Thus, turning the other cheek (forgiveness) becomes effortless.
   
   Still another approach involves faith -- the perfection of confidence. But with this, you also need utter humility, because without humility, confidence becomes arrogance and forgiveness becomes impossible. With humility and confidence, one fearlessly accepts that which is given with humility. Thus forgiveness becomes effortless.
   
   Finally, if we are perfectly grateful for the gift someone has given us, no matter how evil it seems, then we are assuming the viewpoint of the Heavenly Father and are walking with Him once again.
   
   Rod Martin, Jr.
   "The Art of Forgiveness"

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      Inspired Heartposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank lonestar77 for your insightful response.  For me approaching forgiveness from the perspective of love is life-changing (based on 1 Corinthians 13 4-8, Amplified).

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   manatita44posted 10 years ago

   I recognise the pain and frustration if even only in myself. The divine plan seems to be that we won't just do this immediately. It is a slow process.
   
   Patience, tolerance, acceptance and many other virtues are necessary, as well as a life of interior and exterior prayer, meditation and a reliance on Divine Grace.

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      Inspired Heartposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for commenting manatita44.

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