Why are you still with an abusive partner?

1. 69

   baybpnkposted 10 years ago

   Why are you still with an abusive partner?
   
   Abuse is never okay, so I'm forever annoyed and not understanding why someone would stay with an abusive partner, physically or emotionally. Abuse is NOT love. No matter how much they say they love you, they obviously don't love you more than they love them self or they would hold back on the abuse.

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2. 87

   Amanda108posted 10 years ago

   I understand your confusion (and annoyance). There are many psychological reasons for someone to stay with an abusive partner when they have other options of help or escape, reasons that I thankfully have never experienced, and reasons that are certainly sympathetic. I acknowledge that. But I *have* experienced my own fair share of psychological and emotional problems and I didn't let them control me, so I have little sympathy for someone who stays with an abuser no matter how scared or stuck they feel. There are always options and you can't let your emotions rule your life.
   
   I'll go a step further and add that if someone is choosing to stay in an abusive relationship when they have other options and children are in the home, then BOTH parties - the abuser and abused adult - should go to jail for child endangerment.

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   1. 69

      baybpnkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with that. I have also been the victom of physical and emotional abuse and I refused to stay in those situations. There is NO excuse to be i a relationship like that and also still complain about it. GET OUT.

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3. 78

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   From what I understand people who stay in toxic relationships generally feel/believe that they have very few if any options.
   A large percentage of the victims lack self-esteem or self-love. They're so caught up in their small corner of the world filled with it's drama that they lack the perspective to see just how vast the world really is with it's 7 billion other potential people to meet.
   Lastly victims never want to take responsibility for anything that goes wrong in their lives. In fact if anyone points out that some of their own choices/decisions helped to put them in a bad spot that person is often vilified with chants of "Don't blame the victim!"
   No one else is in a better position to look out for you than you!
   Our society places more focus on trying to change the abuser instead of trying to change the mindset of the victim. We're always where we choose to be. No one is "stuck" with anyone!
   The beautiful thing about a door is it lets those who want in (in) and those who want out (out).  If someone is unhappy in a relationship and they (choose) to stay then they are (choosing) to be unhappy. Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. We get to decide whom we spend our time with!
   
   The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world!
   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde

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   1. 69

      baybpnkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      The victim-blaming thing is more with sexual/physical/emotional assault victims who could not help what happened to them. In this case, it is pretty true; you're the only one who can get away from a toxic relationship you are in. Thank you!

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   2. 78

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Nevertheless oftentimes there a precautions one can take to reduce the odds of being a victim. I wrote about this topic. http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … The-Victim

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   3. 69

      baybpnkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You just said that to a former victim. I have thoughts on this reply and your hub.

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   4. 78

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I suspect anyone who has lived long enough has been victimized at some time in their life including myself. Empowerment comes from learning how to protect or reduce the odds of repeating history. We can only control ourselves.

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   5. 69

      baybpnkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with that, however, sexual assault is a different kind of assault.

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   6. 78

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I also agree with you. My point is  to make people aware of ways to reduce the odds of becoming a victim by being aware and not overly trusting. There is no 100% way to avoid it. All we can do is our best to stay safe and look out for #1.

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   7. 69

      baybpnkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, you're right! There are definitely ways to look out for others mistreating you or taking advantage of you. I appreciate your point, humans are not as trustworthy as we like to think.

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