Why do some women stay with an abusive partner
I don't understand some of the things us as humans do but, this takes the cake I know it's not easy.I myself have never been in this situation but I don't think I would stay with someone who constantly hurts me.
No place to go often is why they stay. Abuse is not always physical either, sometimes mental abuse is just as painful, if not more. The victim convinces themselves that tomorrow will be better and it likely will be. Its the repeated hurtful words expressed on another day that will bring familiar feelings flowing back. The abuser hurts those that love them most and cannot see that the victim is there for them, making sure the bills are paid, keeping their house, tending their children and caring for them. Unlike the animal, smart enough not to bite the hand that feeds them, an abuser loses what sense they have when the problem becomes a routine.
When you're in the relationship and the situation you see it differently than everybody else does. My first boyfriend was emotionally manipulative. I didn't see it until I got out of the relationship. He would make me feel awful about myself but then the next day he would be really nice and sweet. It was my first relationship and I didn't know that it wasn't right.
A coworker of mine recently became the victim of physical abuse from her boyfriend. I knew the boyfriend, everyone thought he was a great guy. Nobody believed that he did it. We all wondered why she stayed but I'm not sure she felt she had anywhere to go. She had just signed a year long lease to an apartment. It's very complicated and every situation is different.
All you can do is offer support.
There is no trying to make a person "see the light" and list all the things because the return answer will be, "But I love him". They will agree with you regarding, the list of things, and then end with, "But I love him.". The person needs to want to get out of the relationship, but if all they do is complain how awful everything but don't leave, then wasting your time being a emotional garbage dump. I tend to stay away from those types, it is frustrating and after awhile If listen to too much of this 'learned helplessness' I become completely unhinged with rage and drop them as a friend forever. Hate it when woman live in denial and don't do anything for themselves with trite excuses of why they stay.
"How do people allow themselves to be used? It is easy to see it in another person's life but not so with ourselves. When we see an emotionally abused person we think to ourselves that, "I would never let that happen to me because I am a strong individual" or we say that the person must have a very low self-esteem.
The problem is, at the beginning of a new relationship, the manipulation is subliminal. If they are good at it then it won't be noticed until long after a pattern in ingrained in the relationship. " - http://hub.me/a5I5n
1. Afraid of trying to support young children on her own
2. He deliberately isolated her to control her, like moving across country for work and now she has no friends or family to leverage to get out
3. Afraid he'll kill her when she tries to leave; the odds he kills her are highest when she's leaving, not when she's in the situation
by Nicole 4 years ago
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