When should you leave an alcoholic spouse??

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   Lostinagonyposted 9 years ago

   When should you leave an alcoholic spouse??
   
   I have been married to an alcoholic for a while now, I knew it when we got married and I know it now, I have witnessed myself become less confident and less secure in this world all because I have let my spouses addiction consume me, just recently she had attended a 28 day treatment program and I seriously thought all was going to be okay, however not much has changed other than the fact that she has been given an oppurtunity to realize what her addiction has done to her life and how it has potentially caused a lot of pain to others. However?????

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2. 93

   peeplesposted 9 years ago

   You leave when it is no longer working for you. It doesn't matter what the issue is, when one person in the relationship comes to an end of what they are willing to put themselves through for the sake of the relationship, it is over. Are you done? Have you done all you feel you can do? No one should ever stay in a relationship just for the sake of being in it! Is her addiction hurting you? Should you have to suffer because of it? Your question sounds like you already know the answer and are just looking for confirmation to it. If that is the case don't rely on us. Do what is right to you. We don't have to live with the choice to stay with her or not. If you are done that is okay.

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      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      excellent answer - I agree.

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      mothersofnationsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Great answer.
      
      God bless you.

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   temptor94posted 9 years ago

   Totally agree with peeples. If you think you have crossed the boundary line of your tolerance, that is it. There is no right or wrong about such things. If your partner has got enough chances to salvage her habit and has chosen not to rectify herself, even if not for her own sake, that says a lot.

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   mothersofnationsposted 9 years ago

   From experience, I left when I realized things were never going to change. I tried for many years but things got worse, not better. I gave it my all but when a person becomes consumed by their addiction and chooses to stay in it, there's really nothing else you can do but to pray for them, prayer being the gratest blessing we have.
   
   If she's still drinking after taking the program, then she's in worse trouble than that particular program can help her with. She has to want to do this. Do you have any idea what caused her to get to that point? Any issues from her past or her childhood? Has she sought any other kind of counseling? She may needs several kinds of counseling to get her through this, for example, individual counseling as well as couple's counseling, AA meetings, self-help books and articles, a support team, church, reading the bible & articles, plenty of prayer for herself and a will to want to stop.
   
   If she doesn't believe she has an issue, the issue cannot be resolved. I learned that the hard way and you have to see the truth in that. I came to the realization that there was nothing left I could do - I saw what a toll it was taking on me and my family and even on him. I put my own feelings aside and considered everyone else, in that I walked out.  I dont know if that's the best decision for you but I know it was for me. When someone has a problem like that, you have see what it's doing to you - is it worth it to stay and continue trying to help or is it time to go?
   
   Pray on it - pray and ask God to guide you in making this decision. Ask Him to clearly show you, to speak to you - He'll answer, believe that, He'll answer. Break everything down, the specifics, take it all into prayer - it's not an easy decision but  you'll be sure of what you have to do.
   
   God bless you.

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5. 51

   Lostinagonyposted 9 years ago

   Well I broke it all down, I have drank with her, I have done cocaine with her, I have sought help and participated in the treatment with her, I have paid every bill of hers I have flown us all over the world to a treatment ment center in Costa Rica and paid for her daughters car to be fixed, and my son has moved out my daughter has moved out, my family says I am not the person I was 2 years ago before I met my wife, I have loved her supported her and never has it helped her, if anything it has ruined me as a person I now have feelings of resentment towards her and I now have feelings of betrayal by her, I cannot trust her, she has lied so many times yet I have always though it will get better until I watched her manipulate me into buying her three new shirts last week for a serving job she was just hired at and three short sleeved shirts that cost 300 dollars, and she left me again for the 7 th time, I believe it was all the events that have led up to me realizing I really mean nothing to this women but she manipulated and tricked me into thinking she did love me, and I fell hook line and sinker, I have let this women and her addiction consume all of me that my own children are actually scared for there lives, and I am responsible for letting that happen, I have allowed her to continuously take advantage of my loving giving nature that it has cost me over 100,000 dollars in bills booze cocaine and trips clothes and dinners and all the things that people in love sometimes share and enjoy together. My blood family is on the brink of disowning me because of the pain and suffering I have allowed to happen to me. I believe that every addict had a choice and they are presented with the choice every second of the day, and I believe that when making this choice nothing matters to them other than getting there next fix, this choice or addiction however you want to call it is preventable by the addict and when they choose to use they are choosing to kill themselves, people, relationships, families, and anything that represents goodness in there life, why do they choose these choices. Some say they can't help it others say they have a disease, my experience tells me they have but a simple choice to make and they choose to make the choice of pain, fear, and hatred, not for others but because they truley feel this way about themselves, and that is also a choice. So when I hear from her that she can't help it she's an addict, that to me is an excuse to use. that's BS.

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   1. 0

      mothersofnationsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Give it to God. You may not know how He can fix your life but guaranteed He will - all it takes is for you to call on Him in faith - trust His love & power. Deuteronmoy 31:6 / Isaiah 43:2 / Matthew 9:28-29 God bless you...

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