Is loneliness just something that happens or is it a choice we make?

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   denise.w.andersonposted 9 years ago

   Is loneliness just something that happens or is it a choice we make?
   
   Many people are lonely. Is there something that they can do about it, or is it the result of their circumstances in life?

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   m abdullah javedposted 9 years ago

   There may be two possibilities. One by choice, just to think, write, ponder or just to get normal from a tense situation. Second as you said by circumstnces. This need our attention, a person is alone becuse of the abscence of company or nobody is there to share the burden of his problems.
   The first condition is good as long as it benefits. If it is adopted to focus on the intellctual development than there is nothing parallel to this. Loneliness is far better than indulging in wrong things in someone's company.
   The second condition where somenone is left alone to face his fate is actually a form of punishment and insesitiveness of the near ones, this need to be corrected. We should seriously workout a plan for it. Who are they left alone, old parents? widows and destitutes? orphans? or helpless people? Annihilation of their solitary life should be a top priority. The nobility of efforts for these people should be regarded as high and elevated as the acts of worshipping God. The fact is that a person appear to be alone after his days of struggle between his own people, loneliness doesn't appear all of a sudden. It means when the attitude of a family and a society gets strengthen then appears an individuals loneliness. So this aspect need to be addressed from both individual and societal perspectives.
   There may be a third possibility that due to some mental ailments a person prefer to stay alone, immediate medication will suffice the problem.
   The human nature prefers society not jungle, but when a person gets secluded indicates that the humanity is at peril.

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   1. 86

      denise.w.andersonposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Loneliness can be a positive experience, then, if we are choosing it for our own benefit. If it is thrust upon us due to circumstances, it is something we need to remedy.

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      m abdullah javedposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Absolutely true. Denise. Thanks.

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   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   I believe  loneliness is a feeling that can occur whether someone is married or even in a room filled with people! It's a (feeling) of being "disconnected" from everyone.
   Essentially one is unhappy with their life and it appears to them that everyone else is doing fine or moving right along. Therefore you do not believe anyone can "relate to you" which causes you to feel (emotionally alone).
   Clearly if someone chooses to withdraw or to distance them self from family, friends, and acquaintances as well as avoid doing things they enjoy then they are (choosing) to be alone. The more we withdraw from people and activities the more alone we feel in the world. It's hard to have a "pity party" when you're busy being a friend to someone else, doing something you love, or helping another person who has bigger issues.
   Having said that there are days when a person just wakes up and for no reason they can think of feels unhappy about their life. It might have been one small thing that was said or done that triggered them to start comparing them self to others or the dream they had for their life versus what they have.
   Generally speaking it's like a rain storm that passes after a day or two. The only cure I've found loneliness or depression is taking action. When a person has a plan or knows what they are going to do suddenly they feel empowered. Oftentimes loneliness is akin to feeling hopelessness and having no options.
   We get to (choose) how we spend our time!

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      denise.w.andersonposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      The rainstorm metaphor is very effective. I have found that to be true in my own life. I will experience a period of loneliness, and then it will pass and I won't feel that way again for a while.

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   Penny Gposted 9 years ago

   My loneliness comes form not having people who I can connect with. I am from an area I really don't fit in, in fact I was born in this type of area. I crave friendship who I can feel more connected.

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      denise.w.andersonposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That is a tough situation to be in, Penny, I feel for you! I hope that you can find someone that will help you feel the friendship that you need.

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   Kate Mc Brideposted 9 years ago

   Hello Denise. I think it is a bit of both. Even if our circumstances are such that we don't have people we are close to in our lives, it is usually possible to do something about this. Many people have good relationships and still feel lonely. Alone and lonely are indeed two different things.

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      denise.w.andersonposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That is an excellent observation, Kate. We do not have to be a victim of our circumstances! I'm glad that you brought out that being alone does not necessarily mean that we are lonely. We can be with others and still feel that way.

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   DDEposted 9 years ago

   Most people are lonely and  not by choice. Loneliness becomes a problem if it is not by choice. When you choose to be lonely it feels good for only yourself. Communication helps to prevent loneliness and sometimes one can be isolated and not have that proper communication. No matter who you spend your time with  loneliness can still be felt so don't despair.  Get involved with as many activities to keep occupied and this you should do with other people if you don't want to be lonely.

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      denise.w.andersonposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That is a good point, DDE. When we feel loneliness, we can seek out others to join us, and perhaps alleviate their feelings of loneliness as well.

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   Anika Diariesposted 9 years ago

   I think it varies from person to person. One might get lonely sometimes but getting comfortable in that zone is the time when he/she is choosing to be lonely.
   I have always tried to keep myself busy and was occupied even in the times when I could have been lonely. And I continue to do so now and forever.

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      denise.w.andersonposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That is a great way to keep from being lonely. When we have things to do, we don't have so  much time to sit and think about how we are feeling.

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