To those who have 1 child, do you get intrusive, probing questions from relative

1. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 6 years ago

   To those who have 1 child, do you get intrusive, probing questions from relatives &
   
   other people?
   
   

   replyreport
2. 0

   savvydatingposted 6 years ago

   No. I'm not sure why I would. Are you wondering if people have asked why I didn't have a 2nd child? If so, I didn't have that experience. Nobody has probed. That being said, sometimes I wish I'd had another child, but having just one seems to have worked out just fine. My son is a happy guy!

   replyreport
   1. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      A+, your son will do fine.  He will find friends.  Not to worry!

      replyreport
   2. 0

      savvydatingposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks! He's in his 30's and has kept all his friends from middle school. He's actually quite extroverted & meets people easily.
      I think single-children do just fine, in general.

      replyreport
   3. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Amen to that.  Single children often have a fearlessness that children w/siblings do not have.  I know a person who is one of 6 and she is AN INSULAR person, fearful of going outside her familial circle.

      replyreport
   4. 0

      savvydatingposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Well, maybe it depends upon various factors. That being said, my only offspring left his parents high and dry, at age 19, to live in New York with only a few hundred dollars in his pocket. No fear there. Lol. But he did just fine, thank goodness.

      replyreport
   5. 71

      Aime Fposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I’m an only child and I thought to myself one day at 18 years old “I don’t want to live here anymore” and two weeks later I was on a 12 hour drive moving to another province. So that sounds familiar, haha.

      replyreport
   6. 0

      savvydatingposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Lol. That's awesome! Maybe there is something to the fearless only-child-thing after all.

      replyreport
   7. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I have travelled to places by myself.  I enjoy going places alone.  I love to try new things.  Only children, I find, go on roads less travelled. Only children are VERY STRONG individualists.  We do things that others DON'T or are AFRAID to do!

      replyreport
3. 71

   Aime Fposted 6 years ago

   Constantly!  My daughter is still young though so we’re really at the point people would expect us to be having more kids. Hopefully there’s a window and once she’s older people will understand that we’ve definitely decided on only one and there’s no point in trying to talk us into having another.

   replyreport
   1. 91

      lisavollrathposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I'm in my 50's, and was an only child. Maybe things have changed, but my parents were still getting questions about why I didn't have siblings long after I left for college!

      replyreport
   2. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, things have changed from when we were only children.  The population of 1-child families are increasing.There is not as much "stigma" in 1-child families due to better education of people regarding contraception & changing definitions of fam

      replyreport
4. 68

   shanmarieposted 6 years ago

   My mother is an only child. I don't recall my grandma ever compkaining about comments like that. Of course, she practically finished raising her youngest sister after their mother died suddenly and rather young. She had her dad's help, but my mom and her aunt were close enough in age to be mistaken for sisters.
   
   I do have friends, though, that face comments like that. I was standing beside one friend about a year ago when another friend's mother asked her when she was going to have another child. My friend was livid, but the daughter of the mother who asked steppes in and told her that she almost died the first time so leave her alone. It was quite awkward to watch.
   
   So although I have never experienced it myself, it does happen. That's the only time I witnessed it firsthand, but I have had other friends complain about things like that happening to them.

   replyreport
5. 60

   fpherj48posted 6 years ago

   Grace,  I know there are people without filters, who believe it's perfectly acceptable to ask such incredibly personal, inappropriate questions but I can assure you, I don't step over such lines.
   Needless to say, during my career, in practice, I had no choice but to be extremely familiar with nearly every minute detail of a person's life (logically, this is not the topic here) but again, in our personal lives, there really are questions that should be avoided.  This, by the way, would include, "Why have you never married??"  LOL  nowadays, the best response to that particular question would be,  "I have far too much sense than to get married!"
   I've never been in the single-child category but knowing my penchant for responding with either humor, sarcasm or both, I'd probably advise a parent to come back with, "You should probably be more curious as to why you had FOUR kids!!"   
   My eldest son has an "only" child.  Add to that, he was 40 when she was born.  He has never mentioned to me that random people have asked the rude question.  Knowing my son, no doubt he'd have an absolutely perfect response. 
   Last but not least....My Dad, bless his heart, had the best response ever to any question he felt was probing, rude or inappropriate.....In a very calm manner, he'd ask, "Now, why on earth do you feel you need to know that?"......Not much anyone can say to that!!  LOL

   replyreport
   1. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, in a similar forum, there is a person who suggested that people should have AT LEAST 2 children.  This person is constantly haranguing people who elect to have 1 child.  This person is from a large family- my advice to this person, MYOGB!

      replyreport
   2. 0

      savvydatingposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Paula, just so you know, I'm stealing your father's incredibly perfect response, in the event I should need it. He sounds like he was quite a man!

      replyreport
   3. 60

      fpherj48posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Aww Yves...By all means, my Dad would be flattered.  Of course I am biased, but the truth is, my Dad was an amazing human being. If he was still here, he'd be 102 years wise & wonderful! 

      replyreport
6. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 6 years ago

   
   
   Sadly, there is still residual prejudice against 1-child families although the population of 1-child families is increasing.  There are still people are strongly assert that an "authentic" family consists of AT LEAST TWO children or more.  They view 1-child families as anomalies which they are not.  They are of the purview that two or more is so much better than 1- what an inane thought.
   
   They refuse to understand that there are those who are quite happy w/having an only child.  They may also be subconsciously jealous of the freedom that having a 1-child family allows.  People who elect to have one child have the freedom to pursue hobbies & other activities that those who have multichild families do not have.  Parents w/one child also have more income to give their child a FAR BETTER quality of life that they would if they had more children.  There are people who do not like that in the least. 
   
   Such people are of the school that the more the merrier although they will be either socioeconomically struggling or impoverished.  That impoverishment & struggle does not matter at all as long as that child has siblings.   Well, such thoughts are toxic.  I believe in small families of 1-perhaps 3 children so that children can have a VERY HIGH QUALITY of life without socioeconomic struggle.  I am an advocate of 1-child families.  1-child families give a child individualized time w/parents.  That child has opportunities to develop without the drama that siblings bring.  H/she has more myriad educational & socioeconomic opportunities to live life beyond socioeconomic struggle, being exposed to the finer, more cultivated things in life such as plays, restaurants, and travel. 
   
   These things are so important to children but parents in multichild families fail to acknowledge this, oftentimes berating parents of 1-child because they can afford such activities for their child whereas the parents of multiple children....SIMPLY CANNOT.  There seem to be an envy of the 1-child family by those in multiple child families because the former have a life that these parents WISH they had but sadly......CAN'T!  Oops.....

   replyreport
7. 69

   JynBrantonposted 6 years ago

   Questions in general about your kid or do you plan to have more? I've gotten a little of both . What's funny is my family was very hands off style of parenting when we grew up and our grandmother was the after school caretaker where my parents kind of just came home and seeing we were already fed and in bed always had a very strained relationship with my brother and I . Now my mom who cared very little about the day to day stuff when I was a kid wants to lavish all that attention on my son.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      savvydatingposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I am sorry to hear that. Sounds like an unhappy scenario. Maybe you should confront your mother. You can always send her a message. If you love her, say so. Then lay out the ugly truth. Either she owns it or she doesn't...

      replyreport
8. 75

   raucciwritesposted 6 years ago

   I have had people question when I will have another child over and over again. Now that my daughter is a teenager, the question has switched to 'Don't you wish you had more than one?' Ugh...yes maybe I would have liked to have more, but why in the world would people constantly point this out like I failed at mommy-hood or something?

   replyreport
   1. 71

      Aime Fposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Also probably a pretty painful question for those who really wanted more kids but couldn’t conceive for whatever reason.
      
      People need to do more thinking and less speaking.

      replyreport