Feedback on an article please... Mow Cop Tunnel & Tramway

1. 0

   Raven Photography UKposted 3 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I have had lots of great feedback on the Facebook groups I have shared it into as it is local history and had nearly 1000 reads in just a few hours. Any improvements I can make to make it past quality control?
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve?
   
   Thank you.
   Here is my article: Mow Cop Tunnel & Tramway

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2. 97

   theraggededgeposted 3 years ago

   Hi Jenna,
   
   Great photos. Make sure you add your name or 'author' in the source box of the image capsule. Also you must credit the photos you didn't take. They must be in the Public Domain or carry a Creative Commons license, and you should add a source URL. If they are not legal to use, you can't include them.
   
   In the first sentence, '...for it's folly', should be  '...for its folly'. No apostrophe.
   
   Put your subheadings into title case. Use this tool: https://capitalizemytitle.com/
   
   I think the introduction needs to be more specific. Tell your reader what the topic of the article is right up front. Don't leave them guessing. As the article is about a tunnel, not a castle, start with the tunnel. You can bring the castle in later.
   
   Who is Robert Williamson? You should give him his title or role.
   
   Be careful with capitalisation. For example, "This was a common type of Tramway for this time." Tramway shouldn't be capitalised. I wonder whether 'Brake Level' should also be in lower case? It doesn't sound like a proper noun.
   
   Move your link to the Mow Cop info site to the end of the article.
   
   'The Wharf' or 'the wharf'?
   
   'Near to the function of Tower Hill Road and Biddulph Road' Should that be 'junction'?
   
   I would also suggest you read the article out loud. There are some sentences which could be tightened up by deleting unnecessary words. For instance, "Sitting proud and high above everything surrounding it." It would read better as, "Sitting proud and high above its surroundings..."
   
   This could be a lovely article with a little bit of work.
   
   Good luck.

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   1. 0

      Raven Photography UKposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      This article has been unpublished 3 times now I'm losing the will to live!
      
      Can anyone else suggest anything I can do to improve it? The article score at the moment is 61 and it has had nearly 1500 reads in 24 hours!
      
      Thank you

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3. 0

   Raven Photography UKposted 3 years ago

   Thank you so much for taking the time to help me. It has been a long time since I have written anything of use so I am quite rusty.
   
   I have changed the things you have mentioned and will re-read and edit to make it flow better.
   
   Again, thank you for your time and help, I really do appreciate it!

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   1. 97

      theraggededgeposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      You are very welcome

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4. 92

   Abby Slutskyposted 3 years ago

   Hi Jenna,
   Here is what I noticed, but others probably caught this already. (I didnt red their comments.)
   1. APA format for headings is wrong. Capitalizemytitle.com cn help you fix that if you don't know how.
   2. You used the wrong 'it's'. The one you used means 'it is'.
   3. Some of your sentences are wordy. I would say 'were' instead of 'would have been'.
   This was an interesting and informative article.
   
   Good luck,
   Abby

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   1. 0

      Raven Photography UKposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      That's great thank you, the article has been rejected again. I'm losing the will!

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      1. 97

         theraggededgeposted 3 years agoin reply to this

         Ugh... sorry to hear that. Try working on the title - people who don't know the area might be confused. So maybe something like The Mysterious Tunnel beneath Quaint British Castle? That's not good, but something like that - more descriptive.
         
         You have two subheadings together with no text in between. Unless the map isn't loading for me.
         
         Go through the writing again... "The tubs would have been pulled up..." Use 'were'. Keep it tight and direct; make a statement. They are both passive but 'would have been' is so woolly.
         
         "parallel tracks that were linked together..." try "parallel tracks linked together..."
         
         Can you see what I'm getting at? Write tight. Get rid of unnecessary instances of the verb 'to be'. Delete 'that's.
         
         "Meaning that the weight of the full tub coming down the embankment would pull the empty tub back up."
         
         "The full tub acted as a counterweight, causing the empty tub to ascend the embankment."
         
         This might help... and look at the comments; there are some helpful tips there: https://writetodone.com/15-ways-to-write-tight/
         
         You have three live links to Mowcop.info. We are only allowed to have two to one domain, so remove one of the photo links and just credit by name - as long as they are the true source and not just reproducing the photos. This is your thing so I'm sure I don't have to tell you about using images but just to clear up any doubt: https://hubpageshelp.com/content/Learni … -image-use
         
         Don't give up! This is great experience for you to learn how to produce good writing and excellent articles.

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