So a brain full of tumors

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   Sunshiney31posted 14 years ago

   OK I'm not posting this as a way to get sympathy.Surely I'm not.This is just some random questions and thoughts,I'd like to explore.I went to the dr yesterday with my Dad whom has been in my life for around 7 years now.I love him and we are very close.He and I were told his brain is full of tumors and lesions.Time for us is short.What are some things some of you out there would consider doing in the time we have left together.Could be up to 2 months.I do believe in miracles,SO for me this isn't the end all.I hope...greetings to all fellow hubbers.

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      china manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Like most of us I doubt if you have the money to disappear into the sunset on a world cruise or whatever. But the location does not matter - it is what you share; be happy you have time to say goodbye, make some magic moments every day even if it is only sharing a cup of tea in the sunshine and if it comes to an end keep him in your heart in that moment of sunshine.

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      Brenda Durhamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If you're wanting a miracle, pray for a miracle!  They do happen.
      
      Barring that, if possible and he's able to, maybe take him to a place he hasn't been but always wanted to go, like see the ocean or even some simple thing he'd like to do, or people he'd like to see.
      
      Help him get his "house in order" if you're a Christian and he isn't.
      
      People leave a "legacy" no matter whether they intentionally do or not.   What would he want his legacy to be?

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   tantrumposted 14 years ago

   What to do is for you to say. Each case is different. How can we say what you should do ? You know your father. Act in accordance.
   Hope you find the way.

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   Sunshiney31posted 14 years ago

   Thanks your right.It's just at this point I feel like a cynder block has fallen and crushed into my chest.Pain of the heart is the worst kind...

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   WriteAngledposted 14 years ago

   If there is a place your Dad really would love to see, perhaps go there. Otherwise, lots of quality time together, saying all the things you haven't had time to say to each other yet. Maybe you could record or video him talking about his memories, or ask him to write something for you?
   
   Just suggestions, as Tantrum says, only you can find the right way.
   I do feel your pain.

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   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   Sunshiney, it's awful news and not surprising to be still in shock.  I think you and your Dad should reminisce and discuss things that you both had wanted to do but had put off doing and then do that activity that's most meaningful to you.

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   Sunshiney31posted 14 years ago

   OK well I will take some of these suggestions.It's such a crazy time.I have my half brother and sister here with me.And they are just seeing our Dad for the first time since they were little kids.We were all abandoned by him.But I love him and on my part all forginess has been given.I never want him not to be a deep part of my life.So a family reunited to be torn apart again.I can see the healing and beauty this circumstance holds...for the most part though it's pretty shitty.Thanks for letting me vent

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   WriteAngledposted 14 years ago

   Vent here whenever you need. There are people listening.

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   Lynda Garyposted 14 years ago

   I know (First hand) how it feels to hear, "It's terminal."
   
   Two months, huh?  Yeah, that's not a lot of time -- but it's also just a GUESS.  (I was given a time, too, which expired 4 years ago, but I didn't.)
   
   If I were you, I'd make a bucket list with your father to include the things he wants and the things the two of you want.  Experiences, I mean.
   
   If it were me, one of the things on that list would be to record (digital audio) his memories, stories, words of wisdom, etc.  Spend a day or two, however much time he feels up to it, over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, just recording...
   
   Most of what you put on the list will depend on how functional he is, and if or when the tumors effect his cognitive abilities.
   
   One more thing:  Neglect the housework.  Forget the laundry.  Dusting doesn't matter.  Ask someone else to help you out with the mundane tasks that cant be ignored.  Allow yourself the time you have, and don't waste it on things that don't matter.
   
   hugs

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   Rafiniposted 14 years ago

   I am thinking of...see if you could possiblly organize a family reunion type weekend (maybe?) to share positive memories (NOTHING NEGATIVE) about such things as dreams, hopes, fears, loves.  If you could have that time to fill your heart and memory of the man your father is and what he means to you and your siblimgs it will stay with you for the rest of your life rather than the short amount of time you have left.

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    thisisoliposted 14 years ago

    I feel for you completely, and I do hope everything works out for the best.
    
    I think Lynda has given you some very well thought out points, and I hope you consider these carefully. I would especially look at her last point, a lot of people use housework as a way of escaping stress, however with such a short amount of predicted time remaining, you should make the most out of life and spend time with him.
    
    Good luck, you have all my best wishes during this time.

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    Home Girlposted 14 years ago

    The main thing is he is still alive. Help him fight impossible and he might win!

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    moonphlowerposted 14 years ago

    News like that is never easy...I too have been there.  Let him know you live him and that you're there for him. 
    
    It's unfortunate that we often times wait until things like thus happen to realise the loss we are facing and the regrets we have afterward.  Live EVERYDAY as if it's YOUR last day, with no regrets and always let those you love know what they mean to you.

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    rmcrayneposted 14 years ago

    Swap stories and record them, even if it's just audio.  Go to some of the most beautiful places you can think of and take pictures.  Make something for each other.  Make a list of favorite sayings, use them often, treasure them always.
    
    And visit a Naturopath or Chinese Medicine specialist.  You never know...

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    h.a.borcichposted 14 years ago

    I am very sorry your Dad is going through this.And you, too.
    Have the photo albums nearby, relive the happy times every chance you get. Get Hospice involved now - they will make sure he doesn't suffer and will be quick to get him what he needs.
    My prayers are with you, Holly

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    wyanjenposted 14 years ago

    I lost my father to a brain tumor. Stay strong!
    What to do in the upcoming weeks?
    Whatever he wants to do.
    
    You hear the phrase "make the most of the time you have left" and that is kinda cliché.
    I lived few hundred miles away from my father when he was sick. I didn't look at it like hey, let's do as many things as we possibly can.
    I looked at it this way: Let's keep him as happy as he can possibly be. We didn't put a lot of pressure on the situation, like trying to fit 25 hours into a day to get stuff done. We just surrounded him with jokes and stories and companionship.
    
    I have some treasured memories from this time.
    
    I'm wishing you the best.

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