How best to deal, respond to achild who says they are being abused?

1. 60

   days leaperposted 15 years ago

   How best to deal, respond to achild who says they are being abused?
   
   What words would a child use, not having had the time or opportunity to learn sophisticated modes of communication.  And what are the best responses?  As well as the best ways of drawing anything out that might be being buried through fear and doubt, what books are there to help both a child know and an adult understand?

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2. 78

   pippapposted 15 years ago

   The best way to respond to a child who is expressing things that amount to child abuse is to listen calmly and non-judgementally.  If you react and express distaste, the child may feel that is how people think of them for having participated; and, be afraid to reveal everything that happened.
   
   Reassure the child that they have done nothing wrong!  Tell them that what was done to them was wrong; and, the person who did this to them was wrong; but, that they did nothing wrong.  Emphasize that the perpetrator is wrong NOT the child.  Ensure that they understand that neither you nor anyone else blame them for what happened and your feelings for them have not and will not change.
   
   Then lay charges against the perpetrator.  It is vital that this child see that you are ready, willing and able to protect them from this person now that you are aware of the situation.
   
   The last thing on your list is counselling.  Unfortunately, there are not alot of books out there; so, counselling is mandatory whether the abuse was sexual, physical, emotional or verbal. 
   
   Good luck!

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3. 60

   days leaperposted 15 years ago

   Thank You.
   Without a manual, it is hard for any parent etc.  In this case it was the mere thought of any remote possibility rather than any known real and/or present danger.
   With that thought, and as you seem an expert, and as such
   I think this would be more appropriate as your blog.  (good books, I came across are "Broken boys, mending men, Dr. Grubeman-black" (spelling may be wrong as it was a long time ago.) also more orientated to women but I still found very wise thus very useful. "Breaking free, Caroline Ainscough & Kay Toon" (again spelling may be off, though I think I still have this one if you wish more details).  The person I broke the silence to said "It's not nice to be touched like that",  I remain ever grateful as he went on to tell those like my mother, etc.  Whom I couldn't  talk to at the time.
   
   The next question is about how would you promote an environment where a suffering child may find they can approach with such things -without any mischief of course, though I believe this to be extremely rare.
   
   Finally, they say paedophiles hone into quiet and lonely, vulnerable children like some kind of radar.  But is there a way, are there ways besides the register to spot signs of a paedophile?
   
   Thanks again, and very best wishes
   days leaper

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