A year is a really short time, with your first experiences of all the important dates without your loved one. First Christmas, birthdays and of course the first anniversary of their death. These are all painful milestones to survive. Personally, I held onto the pain and treasured it as a link to my husband. I was hurting and focused the pain into all those dates. For me, it was the right thing to do and it was several more years before my life resumed into the present and future rather than holding on to the past. What ever you are doing, and what ever stage you are at, this is the right thing for you. Only you will know what is right. In some ways, moving on is moving away from the person who has died. For me, it was when I no longer wanted to wear my wedding ring. It just happened, I don't know why or how I came to this decision, it just felt right. There is no formula for coping with the loss of a loved one, we all have our coping strategies, but you will know you are getting there when you begin to fondly remember the good times and the awfulness of their death and the early days without them has faded and is not constantly at the forefront of your mind. If I had one piece of advice to give you, it would be to pass on something someone said to me in the early days - you will find a way to get over this, just be kind to yourself, gentle with the feelings of others and you will be happy one day, but not just yet. When your ready, that's the key. Wishing you a happy future and a tranquil present.
One year anniversaries, the first birthday without your loved one, the first holiday without them, all of these will moments will impact you.
When the loss is heavy on my mind, I take some time away from everyone and look at photos, say a prayer or two, and have a good cry.
I found that if I give myself time to grieve without putting a time table on it, I free myself from the pain.
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