Support for Mom whose son tried to kill himself

1. 79

   Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

   Hello Hubfriends,
   I know there have got to be people out there who've lived through the attempted (or actual) suicide of a child. In this case it's a teen boy.
   I know the mom quite well and I also know her son pretty well (he's like my adoptive son).
   Good news is he lived.
   I've been getting "insights" that include he's crying out for attention, blah blah blah.
   I know he is on antidepressants and meds for ADHD.
   
   Any thoughts, suggestions, even just support would be welcome. This really shook me.
   
   THANKS, MM

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Home Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      --It never happens without a reason, though sometimes thing that triggers it might be very stupid. My oldest son attempted to kill himself in 2006. I accidently came home early and saved him. He just quarelled with his drank dad and dad went to sleep and my son went and cut his wrists. Very simple really. Terrible simply. Since then, I thank every single day of my life that my  son is still here with me. I love him very much.

      replyreport
      1. 57

         lukesmomposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         can u tell me how your son is now?? my son did the same..upset @ the world...gfriend... he cut his fore arms & legs, he says 'u werent supposed to find me' to my mom. now??? he is so sorry and cant believe he took it that far. he is now taking medication (paxil)  he was also diagnosed with "social anxiety" he was nervous and shy when he was younger...then? he was fine for many years. now? he hates large groups of people...mcdonalds hard for him to go to. even he has a hard time getting a good nite sleep.  can anyone who understands reply?? am so dam sad. Thankful he is here with us. he is 19. works hard...very much loved has everything in life he needs. BUT! i know now? somethings are missing.

         replyreport
   2. 0

      Brenda Durhamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You and the mom and boy have my prayers and emotional support.  Life is real,  and so is the afterlife.  I pray the boy will come to know the Lord.

      replyreport
   3. 62

      Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      He needs to be taught or understand somehow that he is enough for himself, that he is okay the way he is. All the layers covering who he really is are not him. This is a big process, and it's about learning to love yourself unconditionally. It's complex at best. Any parent's nightmare.
      
      I've been through this myself. My daughter was on heroine, anorexic, and an alcoholic. Long, long road. The more calm and centered mom is, the more that will reflect on her son, and he'll start feeling more at peace (in most cases).
      
      Sorry to hear about this. Sending kindest and best wishes.

      replyreport
      1. 62

         prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         to daniel craig, is your daughter ok now?

         replyreport
      2. 0

         Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         She sounds like an abuse survivor.  My hope would be she learned/learns to become her own clear mirror instead of whatever warped horrible self-image she emerged with from what must have been an awful childhood.

         replyreport
   4. 0

      Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      do you need support for you? or ideas of what to say to your loved ones?
      Im not trying to be annoying, just not sure what you need cuz they are different things..
      I actually have pretty good first hand look at suicide and attempted suicied on several levels...
      let me just say, Its not your fault.

      replyreport
   5. 57

      Lori J Mitchellposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My fiance committed suicide 3 months ago.  He never threatened or attempted.  He just did it.  Don't buy into the he's just crying out for attention thing.  He is in a lot of pain and doesn't think he can live with that much pain.  I don't have any advice, but as somebody whose life has been touched by suicide, I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and your friend.

      replyreport
      1. 62

         Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         So, so sorry for your loss, Lori.

         replyreport
   6. 67

      ledefensetechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Check out the antidepressants he is on.  Some of them actually inspire suicidal thoughts in some people who take them.  One of the main questions I'd ask is does he seek attention constantly?  The answer to that question will tell you a lot about the attempt and could dictate how you deal with it.

      replyreport
   7. 60

      free4indiaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      One of the most important reasons of suicide or attempt can be told as because of UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS....
      
      Parents should help the child set realistic goals and expectations.  The parents should not show a fairy tale world and the child should not end up face to face with the real world dirty faced !

      replyreport
      1. 69

         cupid51posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I totally agree with you. Some parents actually want to fulfill their own desire through their children, which they (parents) failed to accomplish in their life. This is a most dangerous thing as far as the child's future carrier is concerned. Parent should first see the ability and their aptitude of their children before forcing them to set their goal.

         replyreport
   8. 61

      GodsAngel1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      In the hopes of being helpful, let me say that my son is no longer with us. His suicide attempt was successful. Looking back, I can see now that the signs were there, but I didn't want to see them. Please note that most anti-depressants list "thoughts of suicide" as a possible side effect, particularly in young people. In my son's case, I feel that they contributed directly. He was put on them at the age of 19; a boy who wouldn't even put caffiene in his body; and then not monitored properly by mental health professionals. Within two months of being put on anti-depressants, he was dead. So, parents beware! Putting your child on anti-depressants to help them may not be the best answer.

      replyreport
2. 0

   poetlorraineposted 14 years ago

   what kinda world are we living in......  how is the mother, i suppose you will be supporting her.  It's difficult as the medical proffesion, don't make a fuss now of people who try to take their life, in case they try again for all the attention and succeed next time.
   
   So no gifts for him just yet, but lots of reassurances, and maybe a promise of a treat somewhere down the line, something he will really look forward to, a trip out or some such thing. loads of hugs, and lots of listening.  Encourage him to keep a diary of his feelings day by day....... and let him read your diary of feelings also.  Making sure you write, how much you treasure him and his mum in the your daily writing.  If he has a mobile text him, just to ask what he is doing ......

   replyreport
3. 0

   sneakorocksolidposted 14 years ago

   He needs lots of love and he needs friends, good friends. He has to feel like he matters and he belongs. A great place is a church with a good teen program, whether you believe or not there are some great people and teens with their heads on right that would love to have another friend. They have dances and social activities that get them involved and they would help him realize he does matter and he's important to alot of people. Give him and his mom a hug for me and send my love.

   replyreport
4. 0

   Pacal Votanposted 14 years ago

   I wanted to do the same 4 days ago and I also asked for help in this forum
   http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/24886
   
   I think all the support I got was wonderful and it may be helpful to you too.
   
   I'm not a good advisor, but maybe if I knew the reason why he did that it would be easier to say anything. If it's too private, I respect that too.
   
   All I can say is I know what's it like to yearn for the end. But I certainly can't say I know what he feels.
   
   I think, he should see a professional psychotherapist. But watch out, because 95% of these so called pros are dysfunctional. It's essential that he sees one that not only listens to him, but actively guides him towards answers. Believe me, answers are not some mystical thing, and a good therapist knows them without having to spend hours with a patient. Human beings are human beings. They are much like to one another.
   
   Also, keeping him occupied is a good thing. Giving him books such as David D Burns's Feeling Good or Brad Blanton's Radical Honesty.
   
   This hub helped me a lot sorting out my feelings and putting things to places where they belong
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Live-Well--Be-Happy
   
   I hope everything will be fine!

   replyreport
   1. 62

      prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      to Pacal Votan: I am glad you are fine now,,,keep on believing...
      
      to mighty mom: It must be a difficult position for the mother right now. The teenager needs some support and loving from family and friends/classmates at the moment. Somebody should watch him round the clock, if medicines and counseling are in place, the mother should also talk to the teachers. The mom should not worry altogether, instead she needs also to eat and just do her best.   for the mom if she has time then she can read this http://hubpages.com/hub/Simple-steps-to-avoid-worrying

      replyreport
   2. 81

      earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I also believe psychotherapy is good, but as you said you need a good one who is not cathected.
      I also know that strenuous exercise can help a lot, bike riding maybe. I am so sorry to here of any young person who feels this low. Love and best wishes to all of you.

      replyreport
5. 63

   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   Love,love, and love again.

   replyreport
6. 78

   kirstenblogposted 14 years ago

   I as a teen tried killing myself more times then I can remember. Would wake up in the hospital with a nurse telling me if I had been 5 mins later arriving at the ER they would not have been able to do anything. When I wasn't trying to kill myself I would self harm, my attempt to release the negative feelings I had so as not to break down and overdose or something similar. I was extremely angry about my past and frightened by the future. I sometimes think it was the fear of the future that was the most misunderstood aspect of what I was going through.
   
   I do not know what your friends son is going through but for myself I can say it was the people who cared about me and wanted to understand, the people who did not judge and try to tell me what I was going through that helped the most. These people were honest and asked me why I did what I did instead of jumping to 'attention seeking' or calling what I was going through superficial. They helped me to understand myself by asking me to help them understand. They were patient with me when I was angry and disparing, they did not get mad at me for not talking about my feelings and magically getting better from it. They believed in me and in my potential to make a success of my life in-spite of my troubles. It took a lot of time and a reason for me to want to get better but I did and it is because of these human angels that I am a healthy happy adult now. I wish you, your friend and her son all the best. It sounds like you may well be one of those human angels I speak of for this young man, bless you.

   replyreport
7. 60

   Stimpposted 14 years ago

   I'M SHOUTING THIS AT YOU!!!!!  ITS THE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS.  I WAS ON WELLBUTRIN (300 MGS PER DAY....PRESCRIBED BY MY GYNECOLOGIST).  I HAD HUGE HUGE HUGE RAGE EPISODES AND LOTS OF STUFF IN MY HOME INCLUDING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FIANCE WERE BROKEN.  NOT TO MENTION MY EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE HE HAD TO ENDURE.  THIS KID IS IN A LIVING HELL.....I KNOW, I WAS THERE.  GET HIM OFF THEM AND TAKE HIM TO A "GOOD" PSYCHIATRIST THAT KNOWS WHAT HE/SHE IS TALKING ABOUT.  I TRIED TO SLASH MY WRISTS TWICE IN THIS TIME PERIOD....SPENT ABOUT 4 DAYS IN A PSYCH FACILITY.
   
   MY BACKGROUND:  A 42 YEAR OLD HIGHLY EDUCATED WOMAN WHO OWNS HER OWN CORPORATION.
   
   LOOK INTO SOME HOLISTIC METHODS....COFFEE.  MY DAD SAID IN THE OLD DAYS IF A KID GOT WIRED THEY GAVE HIM COFFEE AND IT WORKED.  WE GAVE OUR KID RED BULL.  HE WAS ON RYDLAN WHICH GOES THROUGH YOUR BODY IN ABOUT 8 HOURS.  AFTER THAT TIME HE HAD RED BULL AND IT WORKED.
   
   I'M BEGGING YOU, GET HIM OFF THOSE THINGS...THEY ARE NASTY AND LET ME TELL YOU.....WHAT YOU ARE SEEING ON THE OUTSIDE (THE CHAOS) MULTIPLY THAT BY ABOUT 100 AND THAT IS WHAT HE FEELS LIKE IN HIS HEAD.  HIS HEAD IS WHIRLING OUT OF CONTROL.  PLEASE HELP HIM.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      even sleeping pills can do it
      no joke
      its not all in your head
      dr.s want abuck... right?

      replyreport
      1. 78

         kirstenblogposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         This is definitely a possible source of problems. The best meds they tried me on did not do much at all, the rest had nasty side effects and no effect on the underlying problems. How can meds change the bad memories that produce negative feelings? This was never something I could understand. The worst med they tried me on went off the market! I stopped taking it after 1 week as it got me high as a kite! I didn't mind really just didn't want to be high all the time, more recreational really lol. When long term takers came down schizo it was taken off the market and a lawsuit started, shoulda stayed on and I coulda sued too. In some ways prozac was the worst, it made me so sick I couldnt eat and lost weight very rapidly. Thing is this had the knock on effect of making me feel worse as my body was getting no nourishment since I couldn't even get near food without wanting to throw up.

         replyreport
         1. 0

            Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I personaly know of 2 suicides, that happened on Ambien, with no previous warning..
            its a tough subjuect, because I also know quite personally, of a few other sucides and attempted suicieds of people with no drugs.
            Treat the problem, not the symptoms...

            replyreport
            1. 78

               kirstenblogposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Mmmmm I used to love ambien, they didn't like giving it to me as it is very addictive! Might help explain why I liked it . I loved the fuzzy sleepy state it would put me in. These days its things like hanging out in the forums for to long and exhausting myself totally that makes me relax!

               replyreport
               1. 0

                  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  some people hear voices on ambien
                  I would GLADY take ANYTHING that made me warm and fuzzy...
                  so far as I know, hubpages never mde anyone take that final step. It is awful that dr's know, this drug can (not always) make things worse, and they dont tell you or anyone else..
                  what guy wants to find his brother dead on the side of the raod, and had no idea anything was worng?

                  replyreport
                  1. 78

                     kirstenblogposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     I got the idea when in the 'system' that the docs rely on meds because they don't have anything else to offer. For all the education they go through there is nothing a school can teach that will help a person to have empathy for people resorting to such extreme measures. The university of life and the school of hard knocks are the best educators for learning empathy for peoples worst sufferings.

                     replyreport
                     1. 0

                        Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                        that makes sense. The guy who never dealt with it just doesnt know, it is not his fualt really. But I do think, if more people were awrae of the side effects of drugs, so they knew what to look for, it might help.

                        replyreport
   2. 0

      cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      i'm sorry about your friend MM. i agree with Stimp. i have heard several times that antidepressants shoould not be given to young people...and if he is on those PLUS other medications it could be messing with his head in a bad way. here is a link:
      
      http://discovermagazine.com/2005/jan/an … s-in-teens
      
      if it were me, i would offer her all my support and love and ask her to seek another doctor's advice re: his medication.
      
      best wishes.

      replyreport
   3. 61

      Spirit Bornposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I've been on anti-depressents off and on for a few years now, and I have found they have worked well for me. There are many different types of anti-depressents out there, and when a person is put on them, your Dr may have to experiment with you for awhile until the right one starts working for you.
      
      WELLBUTRIN is one that I did try, and found I had to many problems relating to this drug when on it that I told my Dr I did not want to go on this kind of anti-depressent. I'm on Effexor now, and find this works best for me.
      
      I know this sounds simple, and I also know that it is not. For some people it is a very long process in finding the right one that works best for you. Just try to be patient and listen to your Dr. He/she really does know what they are talking about and really do want to help you.

      replyreport
      1. 60

         Stimpposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         After my second "cutting" my psychiatrist put me on lexapro and lamictal.  And that has worked WONDERS.  He chose this combination because I witnessed the horrific death of my horse and couldn't get that vision out of my mind, plus 6 mos later I held my 17 year old pom in my arms in my living room as he was being put down.  the screaming in my ear as the first injection was made was horrific.  So, those two things alone....made it impossible to close my eyes to blink even.  So, The "good" dr. started treating me for PTSD.  He is a freaking life saver.  I do have a Hub out there on Ben...the horse who died and the story behind it.  It's a good read.  But this is my story and thankfully I'm alive to tell it.

         replyreport
8. 78

   kirstenblogposted 14 years ago

   Funny thing is that when I tried the illegal drugs I was told that drugs would not solve my problems and that I should not self medicate, but when they gave me drugs it was ok and would somehow cure me of an abusive childhood and all that comes with it! Seriously helping me to learn how to cope with the sh*t in my past and teaching me healthy coping skills to deal with the daily sh*t that happens did a lot more for me then drugs.

   replyreport
9. 68

   TimTurnerposted 14 years ago

   He needs a hug.
   
   I was severely depressed my entire teenage years and hated everything.  I plotted my death so many times.  Why?  I felt alone.  I felt like no one understood and never would.
   
   I wasn't on any drugs (although I probably should've been) and I looked negatively on everything.
   
   How did I snap out of it?  Well, that's another story and would cause great debate in this forum which is not what this post is about.
   
   But he definitely needs a hug and he needs to know his family, but most importantly, that his friends care.  I felt like I didn't have true friends either.  I did but didn't see it.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Ill hug you Tim.
      Thats the hard part for undepressed people, they dont see that  the depressed dont see it? ya know?
      I hope you see your true friends now, cuz no matter how you feel, you DO have them.
      Drugs are not the answer..you need to deal with the real problem...and there are so many Doctors, at least in the USA, who want that kickback for prescriptions....its not easy to get genuine help..

      replyreport
      1. 68

         TimTurnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Yeah, it's easier if you can find someone who either tried to kill themselves and are ok now or someone who was a depressed f*ck like myself, who lived it, to talk to someone like this.
         
         The person who has experienced the depression can get the feelings across to the other who is suffering to where the person suffering knows they have been through it.  They will listen to the past sufferer but not a parent or friend who tries to "understand."
         
         A support group might be the answer.  Maybe I should start one...hmmm.

         replyreport
         1. 0

            Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

            support group is a good idea.
            but, the problems for the depressed person, and the person dealing  with the depressed person are different. right?
            I have been on all 16 sides of it...
            different things to say to everybody

            replyreport
            1. 68

               TimTurnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Yeah, they are definitely different.
               
               That's why you need to find someone who's lived it so they can better communicate to the depressed person, the feelings and emotions they are experiencing and the why's to it.
               
               The last thing the depressed person wants to hear or feel is other people feeling bad for them.  They want people to understand them and the only people that do are the ones that actually have lived it and survived.
               
               It's like someone having an amputation.  I can think I know what it's like and say the wrong thing by accident.  But the person who is an amputee, knows the feelings and knows how to talk to a recent amputee.
               
               They need empathy, not sympathy.

               replyreport
               1. 0

                  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  yeah yeah
                  no kidding
                  thats why I asked my original question. who needs help? depressed person or person who loves a depressed one?
                  I am sad, but I got to go, I got kids who need to eat.
                  anyone who stumbles upon this, I am free to answer anything to the best of my ability. email me if ya want to.

                  replyreport
   2. 62

      Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You have a big message in you, my friend. In time you'll write a lot about it, I'm sure. I think that's the way it works, really. It's one of the many reasons I'm also here at HP.
      
      Yes, this boy needs a hug. Needs to know he's still got options for why to live and so many other things, too.
      
      I'm glad for this community. I'm learning mega butt-loads of stuff.
      

      replyreport
      1. 68

         TimTurnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I've talked to depressed teens before and continued to help them whenever they needed it.  I feel good doing that because I know how they feel and how miserable the feeling is.
         
         I hope I saved a life.  That would feel awesome!

         replyreport
10. 88

    Len Cannonposted 14 years ago

    The most important thing would be to stop trying to invalidate his feelings and telling him it was "all for attention."

    replyreport
    1. 68

       TimTurnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Yeah, that would definitely make things worse and you see parents doing that to their teens all the time.  So sad

       replyreport
11. 79

    Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

    All I can say is bless you all. I'm blown away by the responses here. Not the least of which include people I've interacted with in other forums showing a very different side of themselves.
    I agree with everything here. I talked to the Mom again today and urged her to PLEASE get him diagnosed by a PSYCHIATRIST. I was shocked to find out the Ritalin was prescribed by a primary care physician and the Serquel by a neurologist. Like many of you, I've had my own nightmare experiences with unqualified docs like PCPs and Ob/Gyns prescribing antidepressants, with hellatious and potentially lethal results (I should write a hub about that oh so fun experience!). LDF -- I will look up Serquel. I know many antidepressants are awful for teens.
    
    As to the dear sweet boy himself, there would never be any judgment on my part. The teen knows this. He's like my surrogate son. I love him like my own son.
    
    Mom's wound pretty tight and is mega codependent on him. She recognizes this and vows to work on her side of the street.
    
    So thanks again for the ideas,support and links.
    Tim -- sending you hugs.
    Lori -- my condolences to you also.
    Glad you are both here on HP to share.
    MM

    replyreport
12. 67

    lrohnerposted 14 years ago

    You know, my son lost his best friend, Seamus, to suicide a few years ago. Seamus was 17 years old, had a wonderful, loving family, was on top of academics, sports and everything social. He did not drink or do drugs. Not one of Seamus' friends had a clue that something was wrong, and to this day (they're all 20 years old now), they have no idea why he did it.
    
    I think this family that you're talking about, Mighty Mom, is pretty darn lucky that they have a chance to help this kid. Not every family has that. I hope they take your advice.

    replyreport
    1. 67

       ledefensetechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Those are the serious ones.  You never know why they do it.  It's not for attention, it's not done to shock people, play games or get back at their parents for being unfair or simply seen as being unfair. 
       
       Those quiet ones never give you any indication of what they are doing.  I'm convinced that's why so many of them succeed.

       replyreport
13. 67

    ledefensetechposted 14 years ago

    Seroquel?  Jesus.  You might suggest his primary care provider give him an HbA1C test, it's a test for diabetes.  I know when my sugar is off, I fell horrible.  It's easy to think about suicide if you don't know what's happening to you.
    
    He shouldn't even be on it.  Even "off-label" use is suggested for schizophrenia and bi-polar. 
    
    
    
    http://www.bio-medicine.org/medicine-ne … --48499-2/
    
    Well now we get a better idea about why he might have been prescribed this drug:
    
    
    
    I wonder if his neurologist is taking kickbacks from the drug companies to prescribe Seroquel to his patients?  This is one of the reasons we need to get rid of the patent protection these drugs currently enjoy.  Drug companies wouldn't be given an incentive to research similar types of drugs and push them on people.
    
    
    
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co … 00452.html
    
    Make sure, too, that he's not having some sort of withdrawal reaction if he's decided he doesn't need to take his medication any more.  Jesus, I hate these things, there's so much conflicting data out there.  It could be almost anything.
    
    Be careful about the psychiatrist you send him to as well.  Some of them are no better than pill pushers either. 
    
    You said his mom is tightly wound and codependent on him.  That could be a proximate cause of his behavior.  Lord knows he's not the first kid to have to deal with that kind of thing.  If mom wants to help, she has to do something, like therapy, herself.  It does no good to fixate on the kid, if he's just going to go back to the environment that got him started down this path.  It's good that she seems to know this and is willing to work at it.
    
    Like the psychiatrist make sure the therapist she uses knows their stuff.  There are plenty of them out there that will keep a person wound up and not resolve their problem so they'll keep coming back.  It's like that old saying "When a dumb cow walks into your back yard, you milk that dumb beast for all it's worth". 
    
    One of the best, non medication, things you can do is spend time with him doing things he likes to do.  Try to leave it up to him as much as possible and keep your concern low-key.  Let him talk and prompt him gently with questions, you can try to draw him out with questions like "what do you think about that?" or ask him questions about things his friends do or what he thinks about kids his own age.  Then you can tie them in to your childhood and by doing that, show him that he's not alone in dealing with whatever it is he's having problems with.  Geez, there's so much to go into, but that should be a good start.  Keep us informed and if there is any way we can help, well, you know we're here for you..and for him.

    replyreport
    1. 52

       Linda Hposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Great post,
       I don't know about ADHD medication but with any anti-depressant drug, if he wants to stop taking it, he should wean himself of it slowly, to avoid withdrawal problems.
       I was on anti-deppressants for a short time and realised that they were not changing my life, the problems were still problems and some (lack of money, bills etc) still are.
       God grant me the serenity
       to accept the things I cannot change;
       courage to change the things I can;
       and wisdom to know the difference.
       There are some really good diet tips at the following website, don't know about the St Johns wort, personally I wouldn't take it.
       http://altmedicine.about.com/od/healthc … ssion1.htm

       replyreport
14. 0

    Janettaposted 14 years ago

    just a q, MM--first thought that popped in my head--
    
    how old is he? Some antidepressants can cause suicidal thoughts in teens and young adults. If he is suffering from depression (pre meds) it may be more beneficial and safer to send him to a therapist rather than the meds. Of course, all indiviuals are different and I don't know what the family may have already tried.
    
    PS i haven't read through all the comments so I don't know if this has already been said

    replyreport
    1. 59

       Deborah-Lynnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       When the mom purchases his prescriptions, she may get a paper from the pharmacist that explains the side effects, he could be suffering from depression as a side effect to the medication, as most anti depressants do have this warning especially for teens and older seniors...the doctor needs to be the one to wean him off however or the situation could become more sever, my own experience...not very rare as they say...

       replyreport
15. 95

    Dolores Monetposted 14 years ago

    What a sad story but so glad that the kid is okay. Suicide is rage turned inward. The poor kid has to learn to identify what he is really angry about and then attempt to deal with it and rectify it. Killing yourself is never a solution to anything. It end opportunity and ruins the life of the people who love you.

    replyreport
16. 95

    Dolores Monetposted 14 years ago

    Well, it sure seems like a lot of people are on mood altering medications and you really have to wonder how some of this stuff can negatively effect our mind, especially a kid. I know people who have been put on meds for ADD (adult) and went into a total personality change so weird that we worried he was going to get himself into come kind of trouble.

    replyreport
17. 89

    RedElfposted 14 years ago

    The side effects are not as rare as we would like to think - especially for teens.
    
    I do agree with Stimp and kirstenblog about the meds - they can be very dangerous as well as blocking out the causes of the depression and suicide attempts. Somehow our young friend, perhaps once he realizes he is not alone, can begin to work through his feelings and somewhere in it all, find a way want to live.
    
    Unfortunately we cannot do that for him, and until he finds his own reasons to want to live, and finds the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other, he will need all the love and support he can get, as will his family.
    
    Eventually though, it will be up to him - sad but true. I know you are just the friend to help his mother get through this.
    
    (Yes, I too have a life-time of hard won personal "credentials" in this arena as well... 'nuff said.)
    
    My heart goes out to you and his family. Such an outpouring of love and support here. What a great group of friends and well-wishers you have drawn to yourself, MM.
    
    Keep us posted
    Elle

    replyreport
18. 59

    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    Quoting RedElf "(Yes, I too have a life-time of hard won personal "credentials" in this arena as well... 'nuff said.) Me too.
    
    What I can say is Support, love, support, love, hugs, & open ears.
    
    His family has some choices they need to make too, does he need to be in the hospital or has he just come out?  Is he in a day program?

    replyreport
19. 79

    Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

    Once again I am blown away by the intelligence and wisdom (not the same usually) here on HP.
    Update which may make some of you breathe easier and some gasp:
    So the boy (age: recently turned 18) was released from the hospital last night and is in the psych hospital now. Under the care of a psych team.
    I happen to know this hospital since I have been taking AA meetings in there for several years now. Ironically, had he been admitted there last week he could have come to my meeting!
    He is on the adult side even though he is a teen. I guess they do it by age -- although he obviously shares much with the teens on the adolescent side.
    He's also an addict (duh) who had the wherewithal to ask his mom for help last spring.
    
    Current status: He is SAFE. His mom told me they upped his Seroquel dosage and also his Cymbalta dosage.
    She is working really hard on her "addiction to him" compulsions and had decided NOT to go visit him there tonight.
    The good thing is she's got the underpinnings of recovery to fall back on. But right now her primary addiction is him so I think maybe some Al-Anon meetings are in order.
    Sounds like he is already into manipulation mode of Mom,tho.
    So we are GRATEFUL he is in a lock down facility and is being evaluated by shrinks.
    
    I think I will try to go visit him on my own. He's always been a special kid in my life (since I met him this spring) and I want him to know I'm still here for him. I hope that isn't ego talking as I sure don't have any answers here. Just gut feelings and some awesome info and SUPPORT from you guys.
    HP totally rocks. Thank you ALL.
    MM

    replyreport
    1. 67

       ledefensetechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       You'll need to watch him closely when he gets back.  Most acute hospitalizations are for a short time and sometimes changing the dosage of meds can do strange things.  That's one of the things we worked on at the facility I used to work at.  Get the kids off all the conflicting meds and find out what works for them.  The good news is that I've talked to several of "my" kids a few years after they left us and many of them are off their medication and doing well.
       
       I'm not sure where you're at, but you might want to look into outpatient services around your community, maybe you have an administrative agency for your state mental health department in your town.  They should, at least, be able to point you to services he can take advantage of. 
       
       You also might introduce him to Hubpages.  Telling his story and talking about himself might get him a support group he can use should things get tough again.  If nothing else writing about it and possibly helping others might be just what he needs.  It might give him something he might have been lacking before, a purpose or something.

       replyreport
20. 79

    Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

    Looks like it's time for an update on my young friend.
    I went last night to visit him, accompanying his Mom.
    He's still in the psych ward (lockdown) but seemed quite with it and his mood much improved.
    He described what preceded his suicide attempt -- seems he did not premeditate it. He slid into a black mood in a matter of hours. The thought entered his head "I want to die" and the next thought was "How?" and without batting an eye he headed for the ExcedrinPM. No forethought. No suicide note or blaming anybody. Just at the rock bottom of a depressed state.
    
    So yesterday they had upped his two antidepressants -- Seroquil and Cymbalta because the dosages he was on were like nothing and not therapeutic.Basically like being treated with aspirin. The word "malpractice" came into my mind but I don't think the Mom is thinking that.
    He told us they had put him on Lomechtel (sp?) a mood stabilizer/anti-seizure med.
    However, as of today, his mom tells me they're switching him to Lithium after his having a bad night.
    
    We're both glad he's safe and in the care of a good psychiatrist. The facility he is in is the best in town. They will not let him out without a solid after care plan of meds, therapy and support.
    
    Thanks again all of your for your creative and practical ideas and support. I love the idea of suggesting he join Hub Pages! He'd be great here!!!
    
    Good night everyone. I'm going to log off for the night (early, only 9pm here but need to do some work).
    
    Carry on... you're all having a wonderful thread without me! MM

    replyreport
21. 67

    ledefensetechposted 14 years ago

    Lithium is the oldie but goody mood stabilizer.  You do have to watch for tardive dyskinesia though.  I can be a bit freaky if someone you know manifests it.  To be honest I've only seen it once in seven years, but it's still something to look for.
    
    https://health.google.com/health/ref/Tardive+dyskinesia
    
    Lomechtel might be a newer drug, I've never heard of it.  I would be a bit concerned about the medication as he lapsed into a black mood and started having suicidal ideation.  His mom needs to ask about side effects of the Seroquel and Cymbalta.  Did they just start him on the Cymbalta or did he just start taking it.  Cymbalta is one of the antidepressants that can cause an increase in suicidal ideation.  I wonder if their thinking isn't to use the Seroquel as a mood stabilizer for the reaction to Cymbalta.  Certainly that's what the Lithium is for.
    
    Have a good one MM.  Hope some of this helps.

    replyreport
22. 60

    kegelmstrposted 14 years ago

    Hi MOM,
    
    It's very heart touching story. I am glad to know this,it's unbelievable. From the message I came to know one thing,every one in this world won't kill themselves or kill other persons with out any reason. Because of the circumstances made him to do that.
    
    So one should take care about their boy from childhood onwards. How he/she growing , what was the atmosphere around him. What habitants they are adopting, how they are making friends. All aspects parents have to concentrate. Many parents are not caring about their children. So they are behaving like that. So I suggest you people look after your child at each and every stage of growing.

    replyreport
23. 63

    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    MM, I agree with those who say there's a chance the medications could bring on suicidal thoughts. 
    
    Not only that, but a PBS special on teen brains pointed out that the prefrontal cortex is not fully mature until early to mid twenties.  Teens can misinterpret people's intentions/motives, and have general tendencies toward being depressed.
    
    Years ago I wrote a two-part feature on teen suicide for a newspaper.  When I talked with people familiar "in the know" they said that often drugs and/or alcohol can reduce a teen's inhibitions (which would otherwise be the thing that stop the suicide attempt).  In other words, drugs and/or alcohol can make the difference between whether an unhappy/depressed teen goes through with trying to commit suicide or not.
    
    Having said all that, I think that although some teens want to commit suicide for reasons completely unrelated to their home or school life, some kids may feel as if people around them (at home and/or school) don't understand them and are actually making the situation worse.  The young man needs someone with whom he can be completely honest, and someone needs to ask him if the psychiatrist he's been dealing with is that person.  Sometimes well intended parents do/say all the wrong things in the kid's eyes, but decent kids who love their parents may not want to hurt their feelings (or else sometimes kids don't even know what small things parents do that contribute to the situation).
    
    Oh well, that's all I can come up.  Sincerest best wishes to your friend's son and her.  Many people have stories to tell about doing something like that when they were a teen and going on to live a normal life once they get past those difficult, depressing, years.

    replyreport
24. 57

    Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

    One message I taught my son to pass onto their friends was that, 'You won't be a kid forever and you will be able to lead your own life.' My prayers to your friend and their son.

    replyreport
25. 71

    wyanjenposted 14 years ago

    Well, this thread got bumped by a spammer...
    
    That is great advice for a teen, Dame. It's something I didn't figure out for myself until I was already leading my own life. It would have saved me some stress
    
    My concern in this thread is the Seroquel. I'm BP, and my Dr. had me taking Seroquel as a supplement to Lamictal.
    
    I would advise finding another alternative (if after this much time, he is still taking it).
    I had a bad reaction to it, and after the fact I found some pretty disturbing risks of side effects. I really don't like to hear anyone taking it
    
    Dr. then switched me to Abilify - I wound up at the ER with a reaction to that one.
    Then, I fired my Dr.
    
    My new Dr. has taken a different direction, and I am doing well with it.
    
    Apart from warning about Seroquel, I wanted to post here that medication is important but talk therapy is critical. I resisted it for years but when I was finally forced to do it, it had an amazing impact.

    replyreport
26. 69

    cupid51posted 14 years ago

    I think that the cause of depression in children especially in teens is due to our lifestyle. They are very emotional and sensitive.
    We are too busy with our self that we won't find time to share it with our children. Children want more time to spend with their parents.
    The matter worsens in case of parents whose relation is not in a good shape and for the separated parent also because they are also in search of a new mate.
    We should give proper attention, not as a warden but as an affectionate parent to our children.

    replyreport
27. 57

    lukesmomposted 14 years ago

    I am new here...just found this site. I am a mother of a 19 yr. old whom this past week has attempted suicide. he cut himself on his arms and legs. If it werent for his gfriend calling in for us to check in on him (she says he was acting funny) he might have died. i never thought this would happen to us. He is a good guy, loving, funny, a hard worker....also diagnosed "social anxiety."  As a jr. high student he was nervous about meeting people, other kids judging him, just nervous! but he had friends. good friends. And now? he just was really upset with 'the future' with 'life' as he still feels the anxiety. Going to mcdonalds? is a big deal for him. I have read so much here that sounds too familiar. He has seen a doc. prescribed him PAXIL. my son has sooo many times regreted his actions...he has a big loving family! often gets mad because we spoil him....he is surrounded by love! i have asked him...should i just 'prepare myself?!' do u plan on doing this again?? he is so sorry for putting us through this. I cant trust it!.....any feedback on PAXIL????? THANK U FOR LISTENING. still....so much more to say*

    replyreport
    1. 0

       Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Please take your child to ER right now, if this happening at this moment and if it's not an emergency, make an appointment for him with a therapist first thing in the morning.
       
       People here can be supportive of you, generally, but no one here is an MD, a psychiatrist, or a psychologist and even if they were it would be unacceptable for them to treat your child second-hand online.
       
       Do get him help, and do take care of yourself and your family.

       replyreport
       1. 57

          lukesmomposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          thank u for replying* my son was rushed by ambulance that night. the worst cut 2in. 10 stitches on his leg. yes he has seen the doctor. my son told him every single feeling hes had since he was young. he was truthful (i was in that room! i made sure!) and like i said...he was diagnosed "social anxiety disorder" was given paxil. he has made an app. with a psycologist and is nothing but re-assuring us hes never going to do it again. I DONT TRUST IT of course. i cant. even if hes fine 20 yrs. from now? it  can easily happen again.  my son says...he wants to have a family, get married and live a good life BUT! is afraid of the future!  i feel for him and am crushed he would even consider this way out of a long life.  he is my first born. i also have a 15 yr. old who is upset but accepts his brother needs help. my 15 yr. old is not feeling any of the 'symptoms' as his brother. hes a good student and focused. also...my son we are speaking of with the problem? could not complete his schooling. he was nervous to speak in class, go to the chalk board. he was never abused at vhome, never yelled at/beat mental or physicaly abused.....still i wonder....why????? why is this happening to my son? he has gotten a good nights sleep and seems to be more chipper than he was last week. but....pills are not a solution to a maybe PERMANENT problem.  oh what else can i do besides assure him we are by his side as we always have been? showing love and concern. he has apologized to my immediate family (the ones who found him/ helprd him the night this happened) and says....sorry for scaring you...i love u all....dont know what i was thinking.... he cant believe he took it this far etc....

          replyreport
          1. 0

             Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             I can only say as one mother to another that my heart is with you and have faith that everything will be ok.  Do not blame yourself, just keep doing the best you can to get him help.
             
             There are a lot of people here who are very understanding and will listen.  You are not alone.

             replyreport
          2. 0

             lambservantposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             I am very sorry for what you and your family are going through. I will be keeping you all in my prayers. This issue has touched my life in several ways. My comments below are directed to Mighty Mom, but I am very happy your son is alive and that he has a caring mother like you. God promises to never leave us or forsake us. It looks as though God has him here for a reason.  May he grant you with all strength and wisom. God bless.

             replyreport
28. 60

    Rayalternatelyposted 14 years ago

    Pass no judgements and just love them best you can. It might help, it might not but it's certainly the best you can do.

    replyreport
29. 59

    adrianganaposted 14 years ago

    Hi Lukesmom,
    
    I understand the situation that you're son feels right now, because me also have a disorder like him too, I have inferiority complex but when I saw the preachings of this man I saw the real essence of life why I exist here is the link http://esoriano.wordpress.com/, I hope it will help you and your son, by the way right now I am a member of this group. Hopefully with the help of God I know now what is the real way to happiness and salvation.Thanks be to God.
    
    Warm greetings,
    Adrian

    replyreport
30. 0

    lambservantposted 13 years ago

    I am so thankful to the Lord that the young man survived. I would offer that you might want to consider what Lori said above. He may indeed be crying out for help, if so help him. If he did it to get attention, then get him immediate attention of a mental health care provider. The argument that he is just crying out for help so we should just ignore it is absurd. Such a serious cry for help needs help indeed. If he really meant to do it, the same thing. Whatever the reason, he needs immediate help. I know someone who's child tried to end his life, rather half-heartedly. Yes, it was a cry for help. So it was a concern for a while to the family, but little was done, chalking up to "oh, he's just looking for attention." His self harm and subtance abuse problems continued to snowball. The boy finally ended his life. Can you imagine how the parents feel? They can't go back. If a child is just doing this for attention, that is not normal. He still needs attention. Any threat or expression, or attempt at suicide should be taken very seriously. Let the mental health professionals work with you to help the boy. They are trained to handle these issues.

    replyreport
31. 79

    Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

    God is definitely working in my life tonight. I am grateful to those of you who have shared your experiences.
    What I have learned through my friend's son's suicide attempt and GodsAngel1's son's suicide (God bless you and your family) is
    take the warnings about antidepressants and young people (teens up to 24) VERY SERIOUSLY. Both of these young men were on antidepressants.
    My son is currently suffering with anxiety issues -- much like lukesmom's son.
    I have insisted that he be seen by a PSYCHIATRIST -- a medical doctor schooled in the chemistry of and medications for the BRAIN.
    I am scared to death of regular family practice doctors prescribing antidepressants -- especially for teens.
    Even the psychiatrists are pushing my son go go on Prozac. He has done a ton of research on it and is rightfully scared.
    That is what his friend was taking when he tried to kill himself.
    
    It is really terrifying to parents to live with the scepter of a child's suicide attempt hanging over their heads.
    I don't personally believe that all, or even most suicide attempts are a "cry for help." They are the result of a desperately unhappy mind making the wrong decision.
    Don't just assume it was a freak occurrence.
    Get your teen checked out by mental health professional.
    Get them therapy to uncover the issues that your teen might not even know of consciously.
    Look to your family history -- is ANYONE in the family alcoholic? Bipolar? Other mental illness?
    It's very possible that your child has unfortunately inherited "the gene."
    Anyway, for those who have experienced this, I'm glad we have this forum to support each other.
    God bless. MM

    replyreport