What life lesson have you had to learn the hard way?

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   ChristinSposted 8 years ago

   What life lesson have you had to learn the hard way?
   
   I think for me it was people pleasing.  When I was young, I always felt pressured to please everyone at all costs, to not say no because people would find that selfish, to never "stir the pot" etc. and it took exposure to a lot of toxic people and relationships to teach me the importance of boundaries and to learn that I could indeed be a worthy, loving, kind person but still be true to myself and that saying "no" is perfectly acceptable when you can't manage to take on another thing.  What life lesson did you learn the hard way?

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   Zhivko Stanevposted 8 years ago

   That everyone has their own understanding of love and you can't blame someone just because they don't love you the way you expected them to. You can only blame yourself.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Very true, we can't make others love us, and if they don't appreciate you for who you are chances are good that there is someone better suited to you out there.

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   Aaron Jackposted 8 years ago

   Mine would have to be that people will turn on you and stab you in the back in a heartbeat just to get something they want or need. I had a friend who was a recovering drug addict and I let her stay in my home, since she had nowhere else to go. I thought she was clean, but one day I come home and my T.V. and gaming system are gone and she is nowhere to be found. So I called the police and reported them stolen and little did I know she had traded those for some drugs. That was really hard on me and I know it was my fault for leaving her alone I guess.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Not your fault, the fault lies solely on the person who misused you and took for granted your kindness.  Fortunately, I've found most people are pretty honest at their core. Sadly, addiction ruins a lot of otherwise good people.  .

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   fpherj48posted 8 years ago

   Oh My, Christin....This requires courage to disclose.  I am digging for the most significant life lesson learned in the hardest way because I'm sorry to say, not many came easily!
   I believe the one that always seems to surface when I'm made to remember is to never form an unwavering opinion of an individual before spending the time, concern and effort to really KNOW them.
   
   It took me a couple of tries to get this right and I'm still a bit angry with myself for this small-minded behavior.  I'm happy to say I've not let this happen for a very long time.
   
   I learned a great deal with just this one mistake I'd made a few times.
   1st of all, the most obvious being it's simply not FAIR
   I can't figure out what I was thinking at the time that gave me the right to be so judgmental
   I actually discovered in time just how wrong i could be
   and to tell you the truth, I've come to be the exact opposite now, giving people all benefit of doubt and I learned to LISTEN....with much more than my ears.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Definitely an honest answer that I totally respect.  It takes courage to face our flaws, acknowledge and then work to fix them.  The mark of a truly remarkable person.  Thanks for sharing that.

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   word55posted 8 years ago

   Life itself. I had to touch the fire in order to know it was too hot (in many cases). I had a very hard head. My mom used to say "a hard head makes a soft ass." That is so true but one particular lesson I learned was, you can take the girl out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of the girl. That was really learned the hard way. She told me that the neighborhood that I lived in was boring and not enough action. I said wuuud? Eventually, I ended up sending her back there as a good riddance.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I think it definitely takes strength of character and perseverance to overcome difficult circumstances and some of the best people were born into less than stellar conditions and learned to thrive.  Thanks for sharing.

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   MizBejabbersposted 8 years ago

   I've learned that, unless you are a hermit,  you really have no control over your life because there are too many other people who are players on your stage. Your mom gets sick, your husband becomes an alcoholic and drug addict and you have to leave him and your children hate you for it, your sister commits suicide, relationships with the other sex go sour for seemingly no reason. You know, that kind of thing. Even when you study a venture and it seems like a 100% winner, some unknown factor kicks in and kicks you in the ass. I know because I own three houses and only planned to own one. It's like they stick to me like glue and the only way I can get rid of them is to virtually give them away. I feel like I have a tiger by the tail. People who think they are in control may be, temporarily. Look at all the high-flying executives who are now out of work or are working for minimum wages. At least I have a  good paying job in my field, but I should be retired by now.

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      fpherj48posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Miz B......Oh yeah...THAT LESSON TOO !!!!  FOR DAMNED SURE!!

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      True, we can never control outside circumstances. All we can control is how we approach them and how we allow them to impact us.  I've always found that getting stuck on plans never works out!

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   M. T. Dremerposted 8 years ago

   Mom isn't always right. I love my mother, but when I asked her advice about some chest pains she suggested it might be an esophagus-related virus going around. So I took pepto-bismol and tried to wait it out. A few days later I was in the emergency room, discovering that the sack around my heart was inflamed. I'm fine now, but it was probably the worst way to learn that lesson.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Definitely always use your intuition and listen to your own body! My mother in law just learned this too. She was having shoulder pain and said I think i'm having a heart attack, dad dismissed it at first, but took her to ER anyway, and sure enough.

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   rmmercerposted 8 years ago

   That even though others mistreated me, it was ultimately my decision to allow it to continue and make many bad decisions according to their negativity. For instance, you make a plan with your sister and your husband throws a fit about it as soon as he finds out. You cancel your plans just because its easier than dealing with the rude attitude. After doing that 40 times, you say, "He never 'let's me' do anything..." Really? No, I made that decision based on fear of rejection and a desperate need to please. Funny that my appeasements rarely worked. It was hard to take responsibility; especially after stitching this pattern for years.

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      ChristinSposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I've seen this pattern often in certain family members.  I'm so glad you saw it for what it was; that takes strength to admit and I hope that now you can make different choices for yourself.

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