To those who have deceased parents, what are the 10 things that you wish you have done more for them
and the regrets that you have regarding you and your parents?
Quite a challenge, Grace, to list ten(10) things you might have wished you had done. One could write not just a Hub but a book about that. And it depends so much about the relationship, the geographical distances, and perhaps even the cultural differences.
For example, my father virtually disappeared out of my life, barring three or four letters over twenty-five years, because my mother took us kids to live in another land half-way around the world. They broke up after twenty years, being completely incompatible over sixty years ago.
Of course, in this age of computers, Skype, and the like, there are far fewer challenges to keep in touch - provided the oldies are computer literate. And, at seventy-nine I am now one of those oldies.
In our Western culture families disperse to gather, it seems, only at weddings and funerals. We might stay in touch with some more than others...but as for "ten things," sorry, Grace. I don't have the motivation to sit and think on that.
1. Said "I love you"
2. Said "I'm sorry"
3. Said "You are right"
4. Asked for help and advice.
5. Looked at pictures together.
6. Danced together.
7. Gave more cards and gifts.
8. Helped out without complaint.
9. Traveled together or went places (even local)
10. Hugged and kissed.
My dad passed away 3 months before my birth. I only figure it wasn't meant for us to ever meet. From what I heard of my 4 brothers before me, he was a "kick butt dad." I love and am grateful for the fact that God allowed him to produce me at age 60. I never called anyone dad even though my mom married 3 times after him and had a 6th son. By the way, my mom lost her very 1st child (a precious baby girl) due to crib death. Moving on, my mom loved me very much and I loved her. I think my mom felt that I was special because I feel I was more sensitive than any of her sons. However, she was not easy on me. She tried hard not to allow me to run wild when we'd visit relatives for Sunday dinners. She made me sit down beside her for some reason. After a while she would let me go play with the other kids running around. She was determined not to let me grow up as wild as my older brothers it seemed. Anyway, I became musically artistic. I took to appreciating music at a very early age unlike most small kids. To make a long story short, I have no regrets what so ever about what I did or didn't do for my mom. For me, she did not spare the rod. She would whip my butt when I didn't wrong or got in school trouble. She wasn't having it.
She even made me to be my younger brother's keeper. She'd make me go get my own switches to be whipped when she felt I had it coming. I grew to suffer the consequences for doing things that she disapproved of. Even after she married for the 3rd time, I became 21 and decided to go live on my own but because I felt she did a good job raising all 6 of us and I wanted her to see that she especially did a good job with me. She admired my accomplishments as well as the jobs I held. One highlight of her life was when I won an essay, Mother's Day contest and the newspaper called us to come for a photo to be published with the poem that I wrote about her. She was very proud that day, I remember. It was she and I. I wanted to take her to lunch but she wanted to go home and be with my step-dad and her other sons. It was ok with me. I was glad to get the $25 award and newspaper publicity. So, because I let my love for her flourish, I have no wishes to have done or any regrets. I only wished she could have lived longer. She passed away at age 81. Unfortunately, she always wanted to see me get married which still, I have yet to get...
My mom died 2004,two years later,my dad too. After all these years, I still miss them. There are lots of things that I wish I could have done more.
Some of this things are:
1. I wish I could have been there when my mother was suffering from her sickness (diabetes). I was then away from my parents struggling with a failing marriage.
2. I wish I could have shown more concern and called them more often.
3. Until now, i still regret getting married at an early age. I could have made my parents much happier if I had finished my studies.
4. Now, having my own children and experiencing that sense of fulfillment when my my children gives me money from their salary, I wish I did that to my parents.
5.I wish I could have been more open to discuss to my parents how my life was going. For so long a time I have kept secret what was truly going on with my life, like how my husband was treating me and that I was being battered.
6.I also feel that I failed to give them my responsibilities as a daughter. Little things, such as taking care of them when they are sick or just simply listening to their sentiments.
7.I was so busy wishing for them to understand me and my situation, that I have failed to give them my understanding too. I wish I took time to understand that with old age they become more and more sensitive and demanding of my time.
8.Accept it or not I was the black sheep of the family. I wish I could have said sorry for the things that I have done and for the things that I have failed to do.
9.My father died of depression due to my mother's passing away, I wish I could have eased his pain. I wish I could have provided more support and sympathy for his loss rather than sulking in mine.
10. And lastly but most importantly, I wish I could have told them that I love them. In my heart I know that I love them, it was too late when I realized that love should be not only shown but declared as well. This could have given them assurance that I still need them in my life no matter how old I may be. I wish I could have told them that I will always want them and need them in my life.
I guess it is too late for these things now, but in my heart I am hoping, that wherever they are today, they could see me and hear me when I say that I miss them so much and that I love them so dearly, and most of all, that I am okay now. That I have surpassed that stage of life wherein they have hurt so much for me.
Good question , but I would have to say one to cover all 10, ask more questions, that includes family history of the good and bad, where are those other kin folks. And family recipes , what mistakes did you make in life
Who was your greatest love , who was not. And what makes you happy.
These things we should already know .but we take for granted they will always be around to tell us. Time and events wait for no one.
I would have spent more time with my Dad after I became an adult.
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