starme, I hope things improve for you. I have no meaningful advice to offer you, but I wanted to say that I've been reading the posts here and hope things improve for you. You are certainly going through a nightmare right now, and your strength of character shines through as you try to do the right thing.
Take care of yourself, stay as strong as you can, and above all stay safe.
I apparently am a bit late on this forum. My apologies. I will tell you words to the wise-there is very little justice when it comes to this situation-pray for the best outcome but be prepared for the justice system to not help you. (I have been there-done that-have a dirty tee-shirt to prove it)
Document everything that happens-from the greatest to the most trivial. Do it on a hub if you have to keep it from being tangible for him to touch and destroy.
Say your prayers and hope that he is not allowed to come back into the home-otherwise it will get much worse. My prayers and thoughts are with you sweet one.
O.K, Final update guys went to court and his lawyer decided to settle out of court and just modify the restraining order so he could visit his mom , he wanted to visit her at my house but i said no , so i'll have a third party take her to visit him - Done - i'm Free , And thats the last update for this thread , thank you guys for all of your support and encouragement , this may be the internet and some may think its silly , but its been my only access to the outside world for a long long time , so Hugs to all that have been there for me
I dunno , and , really , honestly at this point I dont care , maybe one day I will , but for now , I am enjoying living , taking my mother in law shopping , spending time with my kids and beginning the rebuilding of relationships with family and friends, after what he has put me , my kids and his mother through, I dont have time or energy to find out what he is doing... all I can do is have a good life now and wait for his next court move with his lame lawyer , my children and I need counseling and my mother in law needs care , so, for the druggie, sorry , but there is no time on my plate for that crap , but thanks for asking:)
Very late to the thread here, but I just read it beginning to end, hoping that you found what you needed.
Starme, you are a very, VERY strong woman. I am SO glad to hear that your eyes have been opened, and you've realized your own value and that everything he's done has been inexcusable. (Drugs or not, there's a difference between "reasons" and "excuses." He may have mental issues, addictions, etc that have caused his behaviours, but it doesn't mean you should ever have had to go through what he put you through.)
I hope you continue building your network of support, family and friends. That you and your children get the help you need and that you can truly begin living your life. Your MIL is a lucky woman to have someone like you.
Please continue to be careful in your struggle with your husband, and I am just so glad to hear a smile in your words.
Drug addictions are difficult. Unless you have the money for good rehab, you might find rehab can connect addicts. I would find a good counsellor - one you can trust and work through things with.
Do, make a plan for your safety and the childrens. People do such things as set a boundary that no drugs or leave and if drugs appear remove themselves until the other person has been assisted medically. You can send someone to do a welfare check and see what assistance is needed.
Drugs can change peoples personalities and can take a bit to get off of. I suppose the question you might want to ponder is what is feasible or possible for me right now to cope with. Is police intervention the right thing? or is there another way.
Safety first and find out from someone you trust as to the best steps to take. It can be a difficult road, or depending on what choices you make, it can be a decision to take your children somewhere and keep living your life and letting them go to sort out their addiction.
A lovely lady in her 80's said to me about something, ... you dont get over it dear, you get on with it... once she had said this, it changed my expectations of how to cope with a difficult relationship experience and the weight of the world left my shoulders and I realized that this wasnt going to claim my soul or my lifeblood.
And since then, the experience has been improved, not 100% solved - Ive learnt alot from it and know now that I am stronger, yet I still think a bit defensive when I used to be quiet and calm.
Good luck and love to you and your children.
Oh and as a side thought, who prescribed these drugs and how has he been able to access them?
Thanks for the kind words and advice, no one perscribed the drugs, actually my landlords brother gave him a lot of them and he gets them from friends etc, the restraining order is working fine, it lasts for a year, we are all going to get counseling, and I am not, no way going to help this guy any more, as soon as I get an income established , I plan on filing for divorce, I have been working really hard on getting eh income established and should be self sufficent by the end of April, been going through this crap with him for 20 years and am just now feeling the first sighns of relief and freedom , cant wait for the divorce , really I cant. If I never see this guy again it will be too soon
Opiate addiction is a horrible experience for the addicted person to go though. It is one of the hardest to withdraw from, emotionally and physically. Looking from the outside, it is hard to understand why the addicted person is so irrational and desperate.
But you need to understand that the addiction to opiates, especially the prescription drugs, such as the oxy's, are one of the hardest to with draw from. Not only is the withdraw extremely painful, it is deadly if not done carefully and with care. Don't call the police, the police will most likely beat the crap out of him for laughs and then he will suffer inhumane withdraw symptoms in jail. You can try slowly reducing the dose a little at a time, but this will be difficult for you if you become an enabler.
A hospital is not the answer either. You must convince your spouse that a detox center is the only choice. I think you will find that he will actually want to go to one once those withdraws start to kick in and there are no drugs available. If you do not have insurance I am positive that you can get assisted government insurance. Make sure you have insurance in place first. This is a desperate situation and it takes desperate actions. But remember, the affect of your actions now will effect the outcome later. He will probably hate you forever if forced into a withdraw that is not humane.
I wish you the very best during this very difficult time. It will be over soon.
well thanks , but see, its not just the opiats, its like meth and heroin and stuff and so, ya know , like I said I got a restraining order, he 's outta here and I'm filing for divorce , I have no interest in helping him at all , I'm done, I'm free, and I love it I know I can get used to this , living is fun , feels a bit funny at first ...but ...hella fun wouldn't give it up to deal with the crapheads addiction - it is- the furthest thing from my mind thats for total sure
I see, I guess sometimes that's the best. I can only imagine what you went through. I meant no disrespect. I very happy for you that things are better now.
They are , see maybe I could have helped him , but he crossed the line when he gave me the date rape drug , that did it , never, ever could I trust him again , not ever , but thanks for the thoughts - I really really want to end this thread and go on with my life now , thanks everyone , but can this please be the last post here , I'll be around in the forums talking about happier subjects and getting ready to do the hub challenge for the first time
I did take much advice from this thread and it has helped tremendously Thanks , hugs to all now, new subject happy subjects lets hang somewhere else and laugh k
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