Motherless Daughters

1. 81

   Fluffymetalposted 14 years ago

   Its was 10 years ago today that my mom died of an accidental overdose.  I'm left a motherless daughter.  Are you a motherless daughter?  How does it affect you?

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      snoweposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      HI,
      Actually i'm not a motherless daughter but i always understand person like you.I know your always  longing for mothers love and the warm of there embrace.In time of problem always there to comfort you...That was true mother is..
      I know God has a plan for you. Be positive.

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      Nancy D3posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry for your loss.
      Even I'm a mother less daughter so I can understand your pain.
      When you lose your mom it is like losing a true love in your life.

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2. 63

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   I'm assuming you're looking for someone who lost their mother as a child or maybe teen, but I couldn't not respond here (in case there doesn't happen to be anyone that fits that description who reads your post in the "near future"). 
   
   I was 21 when my father died, I went on into adulthood always feeling short-changed that he didn't get to know me as a "full-fledged adult or see my kids.  With my mother, I had my own family and was in "the middle years", but it was almost harder because I'd gotten so used to living life as an adult, having my mother.  With my father it had been a complete shock and "kick in the head", but with my mother, who had been sick for 15 months, it was a long-term thing that had a lot of heartbreaking and "ugly" things that led up to her death (even though it was natural causes).  It took a long, long, time for me to "make peace" with a lot of the stuff; and even though, I guess, I've come to terms with it all, I still pretty much don't let myself think a whole lot about her for too long.  I'd count losing her (and my father, although decades later I'm more used to it) as pretty much the worst things in my life (or among the top three/four).  Even as an adult when I lost my mother, I still see other women my age with their mothers and kind of feel wistful that I didn't have my mother longer.
   
   The only other "somewhat related" thing I have is that my mother was hospitalized for eight months when I was six/seven.  I couldn't see her for quite awhile, but even when I could it was to talk to her from the hospital lawn while she sat up in the open window.  (She had tuberculosis.)  As a little girl who had to go to school, come home from school, and have my eleven-year-old sister do things like curl my hair for First Communion, I was pretty much awfully sad and lonely until my mother came home.  I felt different from the other kids and felt like "The One who doesn't have her mother around". 
   
   I do, of course, think of my mother on the anniversary of her death (and much of the time of year that led up to her death).  I wish she could see my children all grown and see the three great-grandchildren born since she died.  Maybe what I think most of is how she'd talk about her own mother and how she and her sisters always missed her "no matter how long it's been".  Now I kind of feel like I know exactly what she meant.  Since I'm a mother to my own three, grown, kids; I have to focus on my own role as a mother of grown kids.  I keep in mind that I was lucky to have had her as long as I did; and I think, too, how if anything happened to me I would never want my kids to mourn or miss me to the point where they couldn't wouldn't allow themselves to be get their mind off me and be happy.
   
   I don't know if any of this is at all something you can relate to or the kind of thing you were looking for.  I guess, in view of the fact that I was an adult when I lost my mother, I'd say I'm at peace with it and OK.  I know that's what she'd want me to be.

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   1. 81

      Fluffymetalposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I lost my mother at 22.  So I consider any woman who has lost their mother a "motherless daughter".  Thanks for replying.  I'm at peace, but I guess there are situations and experiences some women still wish your mom was there to give that motherly advice and feedback....no matter how old you are.

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      1. 63

         Lisa HWposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         With your age, maybe losing my father at 21 is more similar (and I was awfully close to my father, as well as my mother). 
         
         I do miss having my mother to talk about everything with.  Before, I had my husband, my friends, and my sister (all different types of conversation) - and then my mother, with a different type of conversation yet again.  I wasn't one for asking for advice, but she and I related in a lot of ways only a mother/daughter will.  When I got a divorce I really missed my father (about twenty years after he died) because I knew my father would have backed me up on the divorce decision.  My mother didn't understand the situation and thought I was making a mistake.  At first she did everything in the book to try to stop the divorce. 
         
         One thing that occurs to me now that I know how old you were:  My mother was 23 when she lost her mother.  My sister and I both realized that our mother didn't know what it was like (and how much you still want your mother around, just to enjoy having her around) when you're grown up and have your own kids.  She seemed to underestimate how much we wanted to have her around when it wasn't a holiday, because she didn't know what it was like to be grown, married, and have  your own children - with your mother still around.  Maybe that was the problem when I got divorced, because she seemed to only know the role of mother as "mother", rather than mother-of-grown-kids-and-friend".  It hadn't been a problem because I'd never done anything (as a grown-up) she didn't approve of, but when I left my marriage you'd think I was a fourteen-year-old kid, rebelling, and wanting freedom I wasn't entitled to.    Having had my mother longer than she had hers, I know the kind of relationship mothers and grown kids can/should have, and I think I'm more tuned in to the gradual shift in nature of the relationship that happens as grown kids get older, have their own kids, etc.

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         1. 81

            Fluffymetalposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks for sharing

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3. 49

   Lauriesidanposted 13 years ago

   Hi, how are you today? I am a motherless daughter. My mom died 24 years ago, she was 39 and I was 18. It seem like my life was just beginning. When she died I felt cheated, angry, sad, lonely and lost. I did not know what I was supose to know about growing up, like getting married having children and getting older. I knew she would never be a part of my adult life. She would never see my children and share those moments that a mother and daughter share. I made a promise to her that I would take care of my dad, brother and my nephew and neice. And for 24 years I did just that. I put my feelings aside so that my dad and brother would not see how much I hurt. When she died I said I would not get close to any one else because it hurt to much. But I did get close to some one and that some one was my dad. Last year the day before Thanksgiving my dad passed away. And though I had my husband and children I felt alone and lost. I don't know which hurt more, losing my mom or my dad. My dad lived with us for 5 years, so he was with me all the time. He was such a big part of my life while growing up, he was there when my first child was born and took care of her when I had my second child. He experienced every thing that a mother would. It was like he was my mother and father my whole adult life. And then I realized that I did not only loose a dad but I lost one of my best friends. We could talk about every thing. I am so thankful for all those years with him. And I am thankful for the 18 years I had with my mom. Yesterday which was November 29, 2010 was my moms birthday and it was also a year that we buried my dad. I cherish my days that I have with my own girls and I pray that it will be 50 more years before they have to know the feeling of being a Motherless Daughter. Time heals, that what they say any way, but I still think of my mom all the time, but it does not hurt as much to think of her any more and I know that in time my thoughts of my dad will not hurt as much either. I will never forget either of them and I will never stop loving them.....

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4. 86

   WryLiltposted 13 years ago

   My mother is not dead but I consider myself a motherless daughter.
   
   My mother has bipolar, and doesn't take her medication. She tried to kill me as a child (leading to 11 years of surgeries.)
   
   Unlike losing someone to death, I get to see her or hear about her on occasion and I don't even recognize her. Everything about her has changed from the mum I remember as a kid.

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      know oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Similar situation, although not with quite such an extreme level of abuse... but nonetheless disturbing, scary, unpredictable, and violent. We also lived in fear of my father because he was a violent alcoholic. As kids, he told us it was our fault she was like that. I was 12 when things got really bad and I'm now 42. She died last year and I was relieved to FINALLY attend a funeral to 'legitimately' mourn the death of that relationship... because the loss was deep and very painful all those years. My father died two years before her. My poem in my hub called Lies and Deceptions touches on the mother side if it, Truth touches the father side of it. Other poems too.
      
      I think I totally understand where you're at.

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5. 61

   carolegalassiposted 13 years ago

   This is a painful question for me but I will answer it. I consider myself a motherless daughter as well although my mother is alive and doing well. Most of my growing up years, she was hardly ever around and we were basically raised by my aunt (my mother's sister). It was hard as I grew up but soon I came to terms with it and learned to accept my mother for who she is and not what my ideal of her should be.
   
   Of course, growing up I didn't know any better and it wasn't until I was an adult that the impact started to hit me. Sometimes, I did find it hard to have closer friendships with women because of the lack of time spent with my own mom.
   
   What has helped me through tough emotional times is reading bible verses and sometimes poems regarding how I am feeling. A mother plays a big part in a child's life but often children grow up without a mom whether its through death or other circumstances. The most important thing is to be able to come to peace with whatever it is regarding the separation and not become bitter.

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6. 74

   Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

   fluffymetal, I am very sorry for your loss. The anniversary of a death is really hard, isn't it? We can be doing just fine all year and that one day is just ... a sucker punch to the heart.
   
   I am a motherless daughter as well. My mom will be dead 6 years on 4/24 -- she died on my husband's and my 1 year wedding anniversary. I'm grateful she lived to be at our wedding.
   
   I can relate to the duaghters here who feel "motherless" even though their mothers are alive, tho. It's so difficult when your parent is not there in the parental role. I'm sorry to read about that.

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7. 0

   BunuBobuposted 13 years ago

   Sometimes I feel like what if I have kids, will I know how to be a mother to them since I didn't have one?
   
   Am I missing out on stuff that mothers usually teach their daughters about life?
   
   It hurts when I see Mothers and daughters together.
   I feel robbed.
   But I guess there are people worse off.

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8. 79

   kirstenblogposted 13 years ago

   It might not be the same thing but at my 5th B-Day party I was told to say goodbye to my real mom, I didn't understand it then but it was because she lost any right to see me because of drug addiction and mental health problems. I grew up feeling like I didn't know my real mom, that she was some mystery woman out there and could look at just about any woman and wonder if that was her. When I was in my teen years I suffered with a lot of depression and what not, my therapist decided it would be worth trying to arrange for me to meet my real mom. When I did meet her for the first time I just looked at this woman and thought, 'I did not come from there!'. She wasn't the fantasy woman I had dreamed of as a kid ya know. To this day she is a friend to me but I have never felt she is my mom, we don't have a mother daughter relationship. I had friends in HS who's moms were more like moms to me then the ones life gave me directly, and lucky too since many of them where always there when I needed someone. Funny how family doesn't always come in the forms we expect

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9. 51

   pleasure11posted 13 years ago

   Don't be sad ,honey.You have lost a great part of your life ,I know.So,you must have to fulfill that emptiness .And the best way to do that is be a great mom ,whenever you will be mom.Give your 200% .Yours and your kid's  ,both.

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