I've felt empty of emotion for two years now. I can't seem to get over this,I'm tired of faking the happiness for the people around me. I'm tired of the only thing I do feel is sadness. I don't know what to do and I could use some advice.
These articles might help you on emotions and grief! I just left this area, and maybe some my articles will help you!
The first thing you might want to do is check in with your doctor to see what is going on. It could be depression or it could be something else that is causing you to feel sad. Don't leave this to chance always bettor to be safe then sorry.
there is so much information on the internet concerning this condition. however, start with your medical physician. he can help diagnosis your condition or rule out any medical condition affecting your emotions. if you need additional medical help, you can direct you to where you need to be. please see a dr. its not normal to feel nothing.
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Because, to instigate, in order to Extract information, is not the right thing to do ... Learn to proactively share your thinking, problems, with the people you interact with ...
All of us have problems ... and there are two ways of solving these...
1. As you do, by going into a depression ... sadness ... because, you cannot see the way out, in your specific Situation ... and,
2. Take on the problem head on ... where only two things can happen; you in greater probability will fail ... yet there is the slim, yet a fair chance, that you will succeed.
The second should be your approach in life ... Try, Try, Try again ... till you succeed !
I was like that once. It lasted about 10 years or so. But, I figured out what my one trigger that was causing mine.
It began the day my father left our home. After that, it was a struggle to show any emotion. It wasn't until a few months after he died, did I show any sort of emotion.
Then, once I dealt with that, I focused on understanding my life and what is in my best interests. I had questions about my life that needed to be answered and today I can honestly say that I don't have any questions about my life left to be answered.
I'm not sure what is driving your sadness. Therefore, I cannot offer up any sort of real help. If you are suffering from clinical depression, then I would suggest seeking out someone to talk to.
I've gone to therapy before and for the months I was in it it helped me. It cause me to take a look at myself. I've got a lot of deep seeded issues. I'm adopted and I guess that's the root of my depression not knowing anything about my real family. It continues with the family I belong to now, both my parents have disowned me because I don't agree with there religious views and I'd rather make my own way in the world. Ever since I was a kid I've had to take care of myself, not having anyone to lean on when I need it the most. When I finally found people Incould count on I was uprooted from my life and moved to a new place to be "reformed" back into the LDS religion. Instead it pushed me even farther from my family and made it even harder for me to coupe with my problems not having any familiar faces around me. Looking back on my life it seems like one big downward spiral and mistake. I grew up in the ghetto and had to have experiences at an early age that no child should. It eats at me, my memories, my thoughts, the negativity, the feeling of no end insight for theses feelings. Am I stuck to forever shoulder my burdens alone? Relationships where a big disappointment for me so I closed that door feeling like its better to keep thoose memories and pains locked away to never be experienced again.
One should be picky about what burdens oneself. Having any regret about getting where you are today, isn't going to help matters.
It appears that you've had a rough life, more than the average person has. However, do you like who you are? What your actions say about you?
If you do not have a problem with those two questions, then what other people think about you, shouldn't matter. I'm saddened that you have no information on your biological parents and that your present adopted parents have disowned you, because of their beliefs.
I guess that is a true example of the conflict of religion and what happens to people who refuse indoctrination.
I think you need to look at yourself more and attack your own issues, one at a time and ask yourself why is it an issue? More often than not, you'll find it's you, that is your obstacle.
I agree with kmackey, In a way I'm okay with myself but on the other hand it does matter what other people think of me thats why I worry about it and it bothers me. It's not a huge issue in my life but it is one that in my opinion matters to an extent. Thanks for the advice
But, why does it bother you? This sounds like a "character" issue. I mean, people talk and not all people are nice when they do. However, you should see their actions, either honesty or dishonesty, compared to your actions. Once you compare yourself to them and realize that their actions are actually lower in dignity/integrity, then you'll overcome the issue.
Actually, you might not see it as a huge issue, but stop and think for a second- how much stress does it cause? The less stress the better. And, I honestly don't think you'll have that issue much longer. I have faith in you, to figure it out.
First of all I'd like to say good job. Not many people have the ability to point out their own shortcomings in a healthy manner. The fact that you came to a group of people dedicated to helping you means you have a future outside of this because you can spot the problem and know that you can be free of this with the right help.
It's hard to be turned away by the people you love the most, and no matter what has happened in life, it's not right that this has happened to you.
You are deserving of a joy-filled life and you were created to accomplish your dreams. No one is meant to go through life carrying burdens like this. Unfortunately it happens all too often. I have shared many of the same experiences as you (although I'm not adopted) and I know the pain that being disowned by your family can cause. But it's not the end of your road. You can still go on to be an extraordinary human if you are willing to dig into this rut and fight your way out.
It wasn't an easy process for me, and I have by no means mastered it. But taking a look at your self talk and changing what you tend to believe about yourself may be a good start. I know that for me it was the hardest, but most important step I took to develop my self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth.
...well...you've posted in a specific thread - that looks like a bit of a clue for me. I think if I were you, I'd speak to my dr and let the dr. know how you are feeling - the dr could decide to conduct a physical check up and possibly refer you to someone to deal with any 'mental health issues' and by mental health I mean that sadness you feel - especially if you've been feeling the way you say you have for 2 years - that's a long time....there are too many unknowns - but your dr. could help or begin the process to help.
...and you are taking a good step by saying you need some help/advice - but tell your dr.
Find things you like and do them. Avoid things you don't like. Do whatever it is that makes you happy.
You only have 1 life, and life can be great. Don't spend it like that, you can do whatever you want in life. Just push yourself and give yourself a chance.
I agree with those who have recommended being checked by a doctor. You may need some medication - even just for a while.
It is very sad to hear of the problems you have faced and the way your upbringing affects you now. If you can possibly get into therapy again, it would probably benefit you. A professional should be able to help provide the resources you need to find out whatever you can about your birth parents, or to cope with the situation if it is not possible to get the information you want.
Please know that there are people, even people who have never met you, who care about you and your life and who want to encourage you to find the people and activities that can help you to experience joy in life once again.
Thank you for that response it helped me more than you know. It helps that I can find comfort in the words of people I've never met or talked too. I hope to find something out about my birth parents but since it was a closed adoption i'm not sure how much i'll figure out. It just leaves a big question for me. I've been told enough that i wasn't good enough and I can't help to believe that even at my birth I still wasn't good enough.
When you hear garbage like that statement ("You're not good enough"), just remind yourself "Consider the source." Is the source someone who can be respected in their assessment about other people? about other issues? Are they honest with themselves about themselves?
I haven't met them, and I tend to believe that the answer to all of these is No, because a person who is a good and accurate assessor of others will probably find better, more effective, and more uplifting ways to let another person know what they can improve upon. Everyone has flaws and faults - including, maybe especially, the people who say such stupid things as that.
But about your birth parents - Remember that there are all sorts of reasons why parents will give a child up for adoption. But I do believe that the biggest reason is because they (parents) see that they cannot do an adequate job in raising the child. Maybe it's because of finances or health or emotions or immaturity. But whatever the specific reason, when a birth parent gives their child up for adoption, they are making an indirect statement that they actually do care about the welfare of the baby or child. They care enough to help that child find a (hopefully) better home and family. Giving a child up for adoption is a statement about the parents, not about the child.
Cannot get the reply button to your post to work, will use the next post.
I have worked with adoptees as a hypnotherapist. You are getting close to a major source of difficulty. Children think, "It's my fault, I am not loved = "I'm unlovable." = no good or not good enough = worthless etc. The young child who is adopted, preserved in the deeper levels of the adult emotional mind, figures they abandoned me, so I am unloved, unlovable etc. This is indicated as a major factor in the what appears to be a state of depression that you have. This early belief becomes the lens through which all subsequent life events are viewed.
Depressed states such as you describe, in myself and others I have dealt with, are often an amalgam of factors, but the above can be a major foundation. This misinterpretation, (a child's worth does not in actuality depend on how they are treated, as outlined in the post above), though this is a virtually universal way that children process their treatment by others, is a false belief, because any child is worth one unit of human, just like any other human being.
Therapy can help, hypnotherapy is faster, but both demand a competent practitioner. Best, Brian. aka hypnohotshot.
Hello fellow Adoptee it sounds like you have to start that journey of finding out ' who is [insert name]? sometimes, people are imposed upon by others. It's sad bcause you literally 'lose your own identity' and enter the world full of questions. As a few have said, start one step at a time. Welcome to Hubpages
Hi HattieMattieMae thank you for the offer but I'm quite comfortable n happy with where I am as a person. I'm sure your articles can be beneficial to others.
Ha ha well thought it was to instigator since the question was there's i thiough i was replying to that one!
Hitting "reply" on someone's post is where you're having the problem. You're not clicking "post a reply".
When you click on "reply" of someone's post, then you are essentially talking to that individual, unless you state otherwise.
If you click on "post a reply", then your post is applied to thread itself. I hope that helps.
Hi Cagsil yes, I been busy fixing hubs but all is well - will be anyways. Had to move 'A' capsules on my older hubs hope you been good.
thanks Cagsil. I was worried my vowels or consonants might be a lil on da fat side
Instigator-- Let me start by saying I'm not a therapist and don't pretend to be, although some therapists are whackier than their patients! Anyway, Have you tried volunteering anywhere? Whenever I'm down on life or myself, I volunteer my time at the children's hospital or elderly home. The act of doing something for someone else helps take the focus off of YOU and at the same time elevates your sense of 'goodness'. It's a long, lonely road to travel, but you don't have to travel it alone!
Good Luck and God Bless You!!
I found you are in full smoke of negativity.You are thinking all about the badness,why are you doing so?There are so many good thinks around you.What you need is only to find them with your vision.Think positive,everything will be fine.Trust me.
Hello and I wish you the very best of luck!
I am not a doctor, therapist, nor expert...
I would advice the following three things in this order however:
1. Work on your self-talk. It is ok to be your own advocate. To speak up for yourself when comfortable or even choose not to. I would recommend a notebook. When you "catch" yourself speaking negative, write it down along with a positive alternative for expressing.
2. Implement a program of doing a minimum of three things a day for yourself, no matter how minor. Anything important to you. Reading, exercising, praying, something you have put off, etc.
3. Forgive yourself just like you have given the benefit to others. You deserve it as well! Perhaps even more :-) Its ok to and healthy.
I can personally tell you, that I know exactly how you feel. I have been going through that for some time now and about a month ago, I decided it was time to BE happy! I have 4 kids, a husband, a house, a job, and a good life,but it as been a struggle to see it. I honestly woke up one day and said to myself that I deserve to be happy and I MUST let myself feel happy. So little by little it has worked but it isn't the easiest. You have to let yourself be happy and enjoy life, because as each day goes by, your only losing time. Live yor life instead of your life living you! I hope you feel better soon because the place that you are mentally is no fun! Best of luck to you!
You cannot think your way out of this because this is not a problem that can be fixed by the intellect. This is an emotional problem and as such must be dealt with at that level. It is like looking for your wallet in the kitchen when you lost it in the bedroom.
When you sit quietly and develop the ability to watch your thoughts go by then you are beginning to take charge again. The mind is a tool but if you don't use it , it will use you.
Over identification with the body is also a source of this problem. The body is just a symbol and you are more than your brain and your body so giving that part of you too much importance simply exacerbates the problem.
When you sit quietly and choose the thoughts you know will create good feelings then you are taking charge. otherwise your mind will choose the thoughts you have got used to thinking by default and you keep creating the same negative feelings. You must make the effort involved and break the cycle you have inadvertently created for yourself.
Start the day by choosing things to be thankful for. I start the day by tanking my pillow as soon as I open my eyes. This starts a pattern of thought that inevitably leads to good feelings. You must become master in the house of your own mind and when you do you will feel good about yourself and you will know that you did it and you can face anything after that!
Strength & Honour.
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