Can't write while grieving

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   Cara.Rposted 12 years ago

   I lost a dear friend in a very tragic way. I haven't been on here for awhile and I can tell if I were to stay here now, read and comment my grieve will taint my words.  I hope I can write again. Any grief tips would be helpful. I'm not in the greatest of moods so if you're thinking of responding with something unkind. Don't.

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      Melindas Mindposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Give yourself time. After my cousin drowned I was incapable of any creativity at all. I couldn't crochet, I couldn't write, I couldn't draw. Trying to force it just made things worse, because then I was grieving and frustrated. You'll know when you're ready.

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      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      When I lost my mom I wrote about my journey everyday. I took a hiatus for awhile. I then realized that mom would not have been happy if I stopped writing altogether.
      
      I would recommend writing about your friend. The journey and the closeness both of you had. A tribute is always beautiful and it can also help you begin to heal.
      
      Also go to grief support it really does help.
      
      My thoughts and prayers are with.

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      WannaB Writerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Cara, as has been mentioned, each person has to feel her own way through the grief process. My heart does go out to you. I have lost both children in tragic ways, and a close friend to suicide. Writing helped me. I did my first online writing about the death of my son and friend years after they were gone because I'd not yet learned about writing sites such as this. My daughter died right after I started writing on line, and it helped immensely to write it out as we were making the arrangements and after the service.  Most of my grief writing was on Squidoo, since I hadn't heard of HubPages back then.  Here on HubPages I summed up what I have learned in my Hub "How to Grieve and Go on with Life." Maybe there is something there that  will help you.
      
      The most important part of what I've learned by my own experience and that of some of my friends who have taken the grief journey with the deaths of their children or spouses is that however we grieve, we must allow ourselves to do it. It's a job we need to do to be able to go on with life and become whole again. If we try to put on a happy face that's an act, and not allow ourselves to do the grief work , we will be setting ourselves back.  The grief will eventually come out in an unhealthy way if we try to hold it in.
      
      All I can tell you is that if you allow yourself to grieve in whatever way helps you most, you will eventually get through that dark tunnel and come back into a place where you can begin to be enthusiastic about life again. It may be true that we are the ones that hurt when we lose a loved one, but that hurt is very real, and it doesn't make us miss them less to tell ourselves they are better off than we are.  It is true they will always live in our hearts if we allow them to, and we must allow them to.

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   manlypoetrymanposted 12 years ago

   Grief...is something that naturally has to take its own rugged course...differently...with each of us. The worst thing...IMO...one can do is "bottle-up" your grief. It will find a way to "un-bottle' itself....later...somehow...someway...if you do!
   
   IMO...if someone is special to us...they become a part of our own lifes. We honor them...by carrying on with our own lifes...but there should be no rules as to how we do it. There is no catch phrase...that helps a person in grief...though there are many catch phrases that people will lend you. Just do your best to step further along...in your life...in the manner...that the one you grief for...would want you to.
   
   Grief...on this planet...just happens. It is unfortunate. I hope you will be strong...and get through your grief...at the right time and place that is uniquely appropriate...for only you!

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   Marketing Meritposted 12 years ago

   I'm very sorry for your loss Cara.
   
   However, I firmly believe that it is only the body that dies and that the soul lives on forever. This strong belief is what helps me with my grief.
   
   Also, as cruel as it may sound, when we grieve, we are grieving for ourselves, for our own loss. Your friend is at peace now. However tragic the circumstances may have been.
   
   Writing about your loss may help...when you are ready of course.
   
   But loved ones never leave you...they just move on.
   
   Warmest regards...

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      klarawieckposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I second Marketing Merit on that one. We feel bad for ourselves. We're the ones that miss and find it difficult to cope. It will take you some time before you're ready to reconnect with your creativity, but you'll get around to it. Be patient. It will happen.
      I know for certain that the Spirit doesn't die. Your loved one is watching you wherever she/he is. There are a lot of books that will help you understand what goes on after the body dies, but I highly recommend the books written by Dr. Brian Weiss. It will help you understand reincarnation, if you're open to that belief.
      Stay strong! Wish you all the best!
      
      Klara

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   Karandaposted 12 years ago

   Eventually it is possible you will take great relief from your writing about the loss you are feeling now. Grief is so overwhelming in the initial stages especially if the person who has died has been close to us. So overwhelming that words become jumbled, in time writing about your loss or the person who has died may give you a sense of healing. Wait until the time is right - only you can know.

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      Cara.Rposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Karanda and everyone else who commented.  Someone left a comment recently on something I wrote and it was the perfect timing for it. I already started writing a story. The loss of my friend and the grief that is being felt by many is the hardest part. I know I am not the only one feeling heartache. Wishing there was something we all could have done to help. But thank you for all your help.

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         Eunice Stuhlhoferposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for sharing. Take courage and comfort. It will be well again. Every day brings new strength and healing to your wound of grief. Best wishes

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         Melindas Mindposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I really wish I had some awesome, wise words to make what you're feeling hurt less. All I can say is let yourself grieve, and know that what you're feeling is okay. If you try to deny your feelings it will take longer for you to heal from this loss.

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   roelfinaposted 12 years ago

   Dearest Friend:
   
   Painful memories will always lure in the bottom
   of who we are and who we will become after
   the departure of a wonderful husband - father
   and son - the initial shock and numbness
   within the family and friends will take
   an inner struggle to heal
   
   We do not know the mystery of life - from
   my spiritual experiences - my dearest son
   has returned to me through the womb to
   bring comfort to his mom
   
   Whatever I do - my spiritual son is within
   to show me the way-I am not alone - since
   he returned he gives me strength and courage
   to continue to live a life that is creative
   positive and with a smile
   
   My spiritual son has given me love for this
   earth - when times are hard - he tells me to
   endure because the sun will always appear from
   behind the clouds - he has taken away my fear
   of humankind
   
   We cannot explain Natures way - we have to go
   with the flow - accept our fate and create out of
   our loss and enormous pain - miracles for others
   as well as us to enrich human life for all 
   
   Pain transfers us into other people’s shoes and
   teaches us that other people’s pain might be even
   worse than ours - fate is visiting us all
   during our life time - there is no exception
   from what I have observed.
   
   Endure pain with courage and strength
   Remember your Angel will return
   home and guide his beloved  family
   through the rest of their lives.   
   
   
   Your friend,Fay           March 16, 2012

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      Cara.Rposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Fay, thank you for your beautiful words.

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   Marcy Goodfleischposted 12 years ago

   I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain. Take care of yourself, heal from your loss, and don't worry about this part of your life. This site will still be here when you feel up to writing again, and the support of the community is here waiting for you.

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      Cara.Rposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Marcy, I started writing but it got up to over 2,000 words...i think i should cut it down a bit.

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   yaazhiniposted 12 years ago

   I am extremely sorry to hear about your loss. Time is the best cure and I hope you will get over it as time passes by. A loss is always tragic and no words could offer comfort. However, you need to get yourself engaged. If you find it difficult to apply your mind on anything, you may get yourself engaged in physical activities such as exercising, outdoor trips and so on. If you love music, you may listen to it. It would be better if you do not remain alone for a long time. Hope you would recover soon from the loss.

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      Cara.Rposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Yaazhini,
      I have been meditating everyday and longer than usual. It has helped a great deal. My sister and I are twins and she has been a great support. so have my friends. They are suffering more I think. I meditate for them. I believe I will be o.k. but some of my friends are struggling so hard with this. Some of them don't know how to cope as well. Thank you for your kind words, they do help.

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   Journey *posted 12 years ago

   Hi Cara.R., I just want to offer my condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. Take time to heal. With time, you will be encouraged to write more again. I hope you feel better with each new day.

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      Cara.Rposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Journey,
      I've started writing again, I'm a bit nervous to tell a certain story but I look forward to publishing it when it all comes together someday.

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   snoflyposted 12 years ago

   So sorry for your loss. Grief definately changes us in the short-term and long-term.  I have been thinking of writing a hub about my experience with grief, I lost my brother a little over a year ago.  I am new to hubbing so still working out my how I will present the topic so it is helpful and not like a journal.  What I will tell you up front is grief has its own time schedule.

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      Cara.Rposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Snofly,
      Grief can change us, sorry for your loss as well. For me I want to take this grief and turn it into something positive. I think I am on my way. Good luck to you in your writing as well.

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    jaybird22posted 12 years ago

    Everyone, no matter what art or profession, goes through rough times in their lives.  Because our world is made up of a vast variety of people, people respond to grievance in different ways.
    
    For some people, writing their thoughts is exactly what the doctor ordered.  They can put down their thoughts and express themselves to the world.
    
    You are obviously one of those people that need to take a break to collect your thoughts.  There is nothing wrong with this, do what makes you heal and forget about the rest of the world thinks.
    
    I lost a sister when I was a junior in high school. She was just 26 and had her whole life in front of her.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my life. But time marches on and so I am forced to go on in life without her.
    
    At the time, I wanted to curl up in a ball and not do anything.  I didn't even want to go to school and face people, even if it was to hear how sorry they were for my family.  I didn't want to think about it, let alone be surrounded by people that wanted to say their condolences. I just wanted to cut myself off with the rest of the world. 
    
    Thankfully, with some professional help and some good friends and family, I started getting out and doing things again.  It wasn't until I felt like I was ready though that I started acting like myself again. If you have good friends and family, you'll know where to seek help.  Do not rush anything, especially your writing.  You will no when it is time, no one else will. 
    
    Now it has been 13 years.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and wonder what she would be doing in life today. Time has a way of healing.  Although I still think about her, I think more positively and not negatively.

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       Cara.Rposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you Jaybird22
       for all the kind words and for sharing what you have gone through. My first loss in my life was my dad at 10years old, after that there were so many more. I am use to wakes and funerals. I realized each death brings out different emotions and different forms of grief. My friends and I reached a time in our lives where we lost a close friend in a way that was so violent. I have good days and bad, however our friendship with him expanded to so many people that, everyone is at a different stage of grief. No matter who I spend time with, the grief is everywhere. I try and talk about all the funny things he, my ex and I had done together. There were so many fun times. The general strand through all of this is not so much that he died, it is the way he died; that everyone seems to be having a hard time with. My ex and our friends saw things that no one would want to have to see.  I think if he just died in a different way it wouldn't have been so bad.

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