Aevans and Blondepoet's World Adventures
Up Up and away
For those who were not aware I had the good fortune to travel through Europe, Asia and the United States earlier this year with my good friend and side-kick AEvans.
I have to say the holiday was totally awesome, despite a few set backs we incurred along the way. For two months we trekked our way across the vast continent, experiencing new and exciting cultures, while bringing to life some of AEvan's dearest wishes, documented in http://hubpages.com/hub/Run-Naked-Part-II--96-Other-Things-I-Wish-To-Do-Before-I-Leave-This-Earth. So sit back, relax, as I share with you a few of the highlights of our World Tour.
May I say my flight to Hong Kong did not go smoothly.I was appalled by my economy seat, so I nudged AEvans telling her I was making my way to first class, despite the horror on her face. Finding myself a lovely seat in first-class I swiftly parked my wee posterior. First to approach me was a distressed air hostess. She explained to me that this was not my seat, would I mind going back to the seat that was intended for me. I answered her, "I am blonde, beautiful and I am going to Hong Kong." Sheepishly she wandered off. Next to approach me was a male steward who advised me it would be in my best interests to go back to my old seat. I answered him yet again, "I am blonde, beautiful and I am going to Hong Kong".
Minutes later along came the pilot of the vessel. He bent over me and whispered softly in my ear. He smelt alright too may I say if I may be so bold. Promptly I sprang up and raced back to my old seat next to AEvans. "What did the pilot say", she whimpered, "You never listened to anyone else." I turned to her, noting the look of curiosity embezzled in her eyes."He said first class does not go to Hong Kong AEvans". I hoped she would understand. Doh!!
HONG KONG HIGHLIGHTS
Mrs Yeung's home-cooked meal
Hong Kong, oh what a place. First stop was to visit Dr Yeung . He as you know is a magical writer, on Hub Pages as well as being a damn fine surgeon in real life.
Much to our dismay he was not in, but his charming wife was most kind and gracious, and invited us to lunch. I also offered to wax her quite noteable chin hair and upper lip after our meal.
"I can't eat this", cried AEvans gazing down at the roasted scorpions in her wee hand. I gave her a quick nudge,"Well you said in your wishes you wanted to eat snake."
Oops we crashed
Oh wee wee mes petits chérubins.....oolahlah, Europe was just unbelievable. When we reached Paris we decided a rent-a-car would be the best option. We used our time in the car to practise our lines for our much awaited audition in Hollywood, which we managed to swing with famous producer Bill Ding.
Just a little insight as to how we ended up in an industrial bin. Heavens forbid. I never got time to paint my nails. I can't understand why the rental place was so mad, I mean after all we paid extra for insurance..
"AEvans can you pass me the toenail polish.YIkes what are you doing you can't plug your hairdryer in the lighter....Oh can I borrow your lippie......AEvans omg look out for the ..........
For those of you who have read AEvan's huge list of what she wants to do before she leaves the Earth, you would be familiar with the fact that in her life-time she wanted to know the secret recipe for KFC. On our second day in Greece, AEvans came up with a wonderful plan to achieve this meaty wish. While I stood in the street and diverted traffic from the KFC store, she broke in through the back door with a crow-bar to fossick the joint. At the end of the day the only rewards from this adventure was extremely sore legs and a flour covered off-sider.
AEvans and I studied numerous reference books before undertaking this marvellous sport. On our third day in Alaska we ventured out to the ice to test our many acquired skills. After digging our first hole, we had no success. We pouted while moving a little further North in hope we would have better luck.. After three failed attempts, we were interrupted by a booming voice, "WE WILL BE CLOSING THE ICE SKATING RINK IN APPROX 10MIN".. ........
A NEAR BUST AT THE AIRPORT
Let me share with you a re-enactment to Delhi Airport, after a wonderful visit to Hub Pages', one and only Shalini Kagal's property. Her famous article on the properties of Bhang can be read at http://hubpages.com/hub/HubMob-Weekly-Topic-Spring-in-India
"Blondpoet what is that smell drifting from our luggage?,"asks AEvans. "Can't smell nothing", I reply.
"It smells like weed", AEvans mutters.
"Oh yes ha ha", I cry. "I took a little sample from one of Shalin's Bhang plants (marijuana plant) for us. I am sure she won't mind".
"Blondepoet for Christ's sake we are about to go through customs are you crazy."
"Of course I am crazy but please, AEvans, I want it.....please..come on.... Shalini said it was good for you. She says it is supposed to raise you to the plane of ecstasy."
This was our first real fight in our entire trip. As we wrestled the bhang, we clawed each other, pulled each other's hair and swore violently. In the ensuing violence, a lightning bolt struck the side of the car and the Bhang was instantly destroyed. Grrrrr
We bought some bonza souvenirs to take home to our loved ones. Amsterdam was the best place to shop up big. From there we purchased some cool blow-up dolls for a few lonely friends back home, amongst other super cool speciality items, that blew us away. We even bought a real flesh and blood, 40yr old Mama, for Grandad back home. We couldn't help but notice the poor woman, had her entire apartment adorned with red bulbs. "Poor lady," I remarked to AEvans, "she must be colour-blind". She was so overcome with gratitude that she never said one word when we replaced the ugly red ones with new 100watt clear light bulbs.
MY ATTEMPTS AT EXERCISE DIDN'T GO FAR
Loch Ness Cottage
Travelling through Europe, we stayed at the cream of the crop.I have to tell you we had a little hiccup in a five star cabin we stayed in, 'Loch Ness Cottages',just south of Glasgow. You see I forgot to turn off the grill after making us girls some pepperoni patties. I was too interested in watching AEvans riding a mechanical bull in the courtyard outside, that I didn't notice the smoke blazing out the fancy French windows.We have heard since our stay there, they have demolished the remains of the cottage.
Busking For Supper In Boogy Street
"Follow that sign AEvans woot"
In China We Marvelled At The Monkeys
We purposely saved Hollywood as our trip's finale. We stayed four nights at the Hollywood Celebrity Hotel, a snazzy little motel nestled in Orchid Avenue.
Our audition with Bill Ding was scheduled on the night before our departure so we had some time to go wild. We were sitting in the Wine Bar,sipping Frozen cosmopolitan cocktails, the same night we arrived, when we were approached by several high profile magazine editors, who begged us to grace their glossy covers.Can you believe it? We were delirious imagining we would be famous, in demand Super-Stars. Oh it was the bees knees!.
Unfortunately our covers never made it to the newsstand. We found out at the second photo shoot they were actually Muslims, who planned to kidnap and sell us as white slaves in the black market of Saudi Arabia.We managed to escape through the powder room window in a frenzied panic attack.We used AEvan's backward dim sim trick to assist us in squeezing through the narrow window panes. If there are any magazine editors wishing to hear the full horrific story,we are willing to sell our tale for a mere $AU300,000.(just give us a little time to make up the rest of the story, OK)
AS A FINAL NOTE
Unfortunately Mr Bill Ding passed away the day before our audition. They say he was strangled by an irate budding actress, after he tried to get a little fresh. Sigh! However us gals, disappointed as we were, managed to re-book the audition for September 7th,2015. It's a long way off but.......as dear little Forest Gump once said, "Life is like a box of chocolates". Err speaking of chocolate I have a chocolate Royal to go drink, so to everyone out there I bid you, "adieu mes amis ". Til we meet again my friend.
Copright 2009 Deb Murray
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