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The Look - she's a bitch!

Updated on November 17, 2012

I can go from zero to bitch in 0.05 seconds. And sometimes back to sweetheart just as quickly. I was born this way. My mother tells me that when I was very young, people commented that I looked like the little girl in the movie Firestarter. Useful if you are lost in the woods with no matches. But pretty much useless otherwise.

So what turns me into a supersonic bitch? Let's just say that my emotions have an itchy trigger finger. And they are just as fickle as they are quick. I could list the things that trigger my wrath, but I would be listing for days. Car horns. Bad music. Bad drivers. Strong wind. Ringing phones. Dumb people. Rude people. Overly nice people. Old people. Teenagers. Loud chewers. Repeated sneezers.

Horrible and insensitive you say? Absolutley. I know that I have been or will be guilty as charged for violating most of those listed offenses, and many unlisted. That doesn't make me hate them any less. No one, or thing, is safe.

Apparently my rage has a look. Or looks. One look I give. The other look I have.

The look I have is the way I look when in one of my prolonged states of bitchiness. I do not need to see it to know its not pretty. But I have caught a glimpse of her in a mirror. And I scared even myself. Have you ever been walking down the aisle in the grocery store and have a shopper half way down the aisle apologize and move out of the way as if Satan himself was approaching? Have you ever unloaded your groceries from your cart in such a way that the cashier fumbles your items and avoids eye contact? When able, I try to put the person at ease by un-tensing my muscles, smiling, and saying hello. Its is amazing how much more attractive you become just by relaxing your face.

And what about that look that I give? I shoot this look with the speed and precision of a sniper's bullet. One glance and ice bursts into flame. Mortals turn to pillars of stone or bumbling fools. What does it look like? I have no idea. I have never seen it. I can't even show it to you unless you are brave enough to incur my wrath. It is completely involuntary and lighting quick. And just as unpredictable. Anyone or anything can be caught in its crosshairs. I only know it exists by the reaction it gets.

One day the fax machine rang at what my mind thought was too soon since the last ring. I turned and shot the look. Like a ninja with a throwing star. The next thing I heard was my cowoker saying "Boy am I glad I am not that fax machine. If looks could kill it would be dead."

Another time that stands out was when a particularly terrfying glance was bestowed upon a college friend of mine. I have not the slightest recollection of what the offense was. But to this day I recall the reaction. Like a deer in headlights, Then silence. A while after, he told me that I was so scary that he was afraid to talk to me for a week. I felt awful. And then we laughed about it.

I really am a sweet person. Caring. Trustworthy. Honest. Generous. All of these almost to a fault. There is just that tiny part of me that might go on a rampage at any moment, for the tiniest reason, flinging bullets like a crazed shooter from a belltower. I have tried to disarm her. To lock her away. But she always manages to get out. Don't try to avoid her. You can't. There is no logic to what will cause the next strike. And God oh God please don't walk on eggshells. She can sense weakness. And she will cut you down mercilessly like the weakest member of the pack.

So to all of those cashiers and coworkers I have made uneasy. The shoppers I have wanted to run down with my cart. The drivers whose back seat I have practically driven into. And all of the other victims, past present and future.....

I am sorry. It's not me. It's her. And she's a bitch!

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    • LABrashear profile image

      LABrashear 5 years ago from My Perfect Place, USA

      Funny! Don't feel bad, I've been busted on my dirty looks too. Voted up!

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 5 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks! Its quite a talent we have. ;)

    • Barnsey profile image

      Barnsey 5 years ago from Happy Hunting Grounds

      Like Wolverine you must battle the savage beast within and remember when under stress that you are human! Don't pop out your claws, Wolvy! Great hub!

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 5 years ago from Ohio

      barnsey. funny you should mention claws. i do make jokes about my claws coming out. i will keep your comment in mind next time i want to slash someone. but i fear there will always be those impulsive split second moments. thank goodness the carnage is usually minor.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hilarious Dana! You had me laughing from the first sentence. I'm sure glad you like me; I'd hate to see that look! :)

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 5 years ago from Ohio

      Bill, thankf for reading. I have a "voice" too! Perhaps that will be a future hub! See u around.

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 5 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      ROFL.... Great hub! Do we women share that trend? Sure looks like it! But.... Ahhmm.... Some of us will not be so blunt about it! :)

      Enjoyed it, laughed all the way to the end! Voting up!

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 5 years ago from Ohio

      LaThing - thanks! Sometimes I can't help but to put it all out there! I never realized how bad I was until I started noticing peoples reactions. And I just had to laugh at myself because I really am a nice person!

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 5 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      I share the hair trigger temper, though with age (a lot in my case) it has mellowed a bit. Funny Hub and ingeresting as well.

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 5 years ago from Ohio

      xstatic - glad you enjoyed it, and saw the humor in it. I am hoping to be a fiesty old lady when I hit my golden years, though some mellowing could do some good. Guess only time will tell which way it goes!

    • Docmo profile image

      Mohan Kumar 4 years ago from UK

      Light and shadow.fire and Ice. Yin and yang. Beauty and the Butch. That's what makes life all the more interesting. I loved reading the 'firestarter' in you Dana. Atleast you know you have it in you. I like women with fire in them. I've got scars to prove it and I like those scars! Great, funny read.

    • DanaTeresa profile image
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      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      Docmo - oh yes. I am kind, loving, loyal, generous, and many other sweet things. But cross me, or mistreat someone I love, and my claws come out! I am not ashamed to admit it, or laugh about it. Glad to know you like your scars. Wear them with pride.. thanks for stopping by.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      Lol! Oh how this sounds like me! I have an old video of me at a party, for some reason the girl next to me was recieving my daggers thrown at her! lol! my mum was the best though, she had a look that we all called the 'mud' look. her lips would shrink, she would glare at you until you felt the hairs on your neck go up! really funny! loved it!

    • profile image

      kelleyward 4 years ago

      At least you can say it all with just a look. I've been told I also have this gift. Voted up and funny. Take care, Kelley

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hahahaha!!! Cashiers are used to the look, they are probably immune to it. Thanks for the laughs and the reminder to keep my B face at bay. :))

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      Nell- Boy would I love to see that video. It is a good thing we can't see ourselves on video all the time. That would be totally mortifying! Or totally fun. I guess it depends on how you look at things.

      kelleyward - Wouldn;t it be great if we could all get together and compare our "looks"?! Enjoy your gifit! And thanks for the votes!

      Linda - Sunshine?! A "B face"?! I can't belive it! I won't believe it! Who am I kidding. You are a superwoman, of course you have a B face! You only have to hide it from the innocents. As far as those who derserve it, let 'er rip!!!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      You and I are a lot alike. I'm only 5 ft. tall, but I can get up to 6 ft pretty quick if someone makes me mad enough: just ask my kids.

      Fun Hub. I voted it UP, etc.

    • jenbeach21 profile image

      jenbeach21 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Too funny! Thanks for sharing.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      "The look" is a gift that keeps on giving as long as you aren't the one on the receiving end:)

    • DanaTeresa profile image
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      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      mary - i think there are a lot of us out there. and if we ever all got together what a site that would be!... its good to have some spunk.... i can get extra fiesty when someone threatend my friends or family too. you should see the claws that come out!... its fun that we can all laugh about it....here's to our iner "goddess"! :)

    • DanaTeresa profile image
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      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      jenbeach21 - thanks! i love to find the funny wherever i can and then share it with whoever i can

    • DanaTeresa profile image
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      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      Sunshine - yes it is. and i am a giving kind of gal :) at least we can all laugh about it

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Dana.....This is great! lol...I love it! How nice it would be if ALL women just admitted there's a bitch on their shoulder too! Hey, without her, we'd be run over everyday by some nasty bully or a$$holy-smokes!

      I understand "the look," and how you only know you've given it, by the poor person's reaction.......It's OK! If you can get a message across with a mere look.....you have some POWER, girl!! lol....UP+++

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      fpherj48 - You are so right! Since high school I learned not to take the word bitch as an insult. I consider it a complinment in my case. And for a lot of women. It is a powerful trait to have. Great defense against "a$$holy-smokes!" I LOVE that term! I am totally using that! .... Thank you for the great comment!!! See you around hubland!

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      My, how you've changed since you wrote this piece! Now, you're the sweetest young lady under the sun. So gentle, so patient, so understanding ... and yes, Christopher, if you sail to far you'll sail right off the edge of the Earth! lol Dana, you're a woman! That's what gives you the right to do a 180 at a moment's notice. My wife is the same way. Btw, how old does one person have to be before the other person lashes out at them? : ) Funny hub!

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      rcrumple - You are dead on! That's me: sugar and spice and everything nice, plus a healthy dose of bitch, sprinkled with just about everything else - a woman. Every now and then the B goes on a spree. All I can do is laugh. Glad you find it funny too. I would love to be a fly on the wall when you and your wife interact. She must be quite a woman. :)

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      I'm exactly the same way. Makes it hard to be friends with people when they're scared of you!

    • DanaTeresa profile image
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      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      blondey - nice to know somebody relates. it makes getting a date pretty rough too!!! all i can do is laugh about it.

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 4 years ago

      Reading this, the comments and having two sisters, I think I now realize why I was so happy to be the mother of boys and my best friends are men.

    • Thundermama profile image

      Catherine Taylor 4 years ago from Canada

      Loved this. It's always better to embrace your inner bitch then pretend she doesn't exist. I like to think of it as a special kind of bitchy super power that you can bust out when needed. Funny, awesome, well written hub as always.

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      Justsilvie - LOL! I don't know what it is about females. There must be a "bitch gene" on the X chromosome... I get along a lot better with guys too, that includes my brothers over my sister.... Thanks for reading! :)

    • DanaTeresa profile image
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      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      Thundermama - YES! I have learned to love my inner bitch. Hiding her or fighting her is tiring, and just makes her angry! So very happy you like this one! :) :)

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      That's good feedback!

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      blondey - :) hugs!

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      I loved this hub. It's awesome! you and I would get along great....I'm a bit feisty myself. you look nice in that red dress.

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      Thanks Dana! I can use all the hugs I can get!

      lovedoc

      Feisty is good!xo

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      lovedoctor926 - Thank you! I get a lot of compliments on that dress. I was a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding and I was lucky enough to help pick out the dresses!

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      It is nice, dana. :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Dana, the color of the dress is beautiful. Nice pick. I'm sure the bridesmaid dresses were lovely too. It's such an honor to be chosen as a bridesmaid. Have a great night! Good hub once again.

    • DanaTeresa profile image
      Author

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      lovedoctor926 - that is the bridesmaid dress, i love it. wish i had another place to wear it! thanks for stopping back. I am off to bed soon. see you around

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