Oftentimes I hear jokes that could be incredibly funny if they were told a bit... better? I'm not sure what makes jokes so dull. Even when the humor is there, some people just have a knack for being so bland, so considerably boring in their tone and word choice that the joke falls apart before the punch line comes. Take some to write out a joke the way it should be written, and read some as well. I'll start...
A man walks into a bar. As he walks to the bartender he spots a man sitting in the corner by the back exit, only his head is inflated to three times the normal size and is colored bright orange.
'What's up with that guy?' he asked the bartender, and the bartender shakes his head.
'I dunno,' he says, 'he's here every night though, and I see a lot of people talk to him. Maybe if you buy him a drink he'll tell you.'
So the newcomer buys two beers instead of one. He walks to the man's table and sits. As he slides the drink over, the man's orange head rises and he looks at him indifferently.
'I'm assuming you wanna know how I got this giant orange head?' he asks.
The newcomer nods, and the orange headed man sighs.
'Okay, well this one time, I was walking down a long sandy beach, wondering what mysteries lay out in the deep parts of the ocean. Suddenly I stumbled over something in the sand. I picked up what looked like a Gini lamp, and when I brushed off the sand, well I guess that counts as rubbing it because the Gini came out.'
'And you got three wishes,' filled in the newcomer.
'Yes,' he said, 'For the first I wished for money. I wished to be the richest man in the world, and then POOF, money appeared in my pockets. Loads of it. Hundred dollar bills came out the ends of my pants.'
'Just listen!' he said, 'And then for my second wish, I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world, and then POOF, there she was standing next to me. Long brown hair, tall, outstanding body. You wouldn't believe it.'
The newcomer nodded, giving an impatient twist of his finger to say 'go on'. He was beginning to think buying the man a drink had been a waste of money.
'And then for my final wish,' he said, but he paused a moment in deep thought before continuing. 'I think this is where I made the mistake... I wished for this giant orange head!'
If firefighters fight fire, and crime fighters fight crime, then what do freedom fighters fight?
Airplane Crash Joke
I am always amazed when after a major airplane crash, they identify victims from dental records. I don’t get it, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars -- there's nothing left! This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."
The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."
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