"Bought a new deodorant yesterday, instructions said "take off top and push up bottom!"..I'm still waiting in the ER!!" or "What did one droopy boob say to the other droopy boob? We better straighten up or people are gonna think we're nuts!"
I have one friend who always posts the funniest lines. Some recent posts: "Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young" and "I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me." My favorite is "I dream of a better tomorrow… where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned."
When she came home I had laid a trail of roses to the bedroom...I had candles lit everywhere, jazz playing in the background and wine chilling with me waiting for her in my robe...now the next thing I need to do is introduce myself......
AOCDRNDICG TO RSCHEEARCH AT CMABRIGDE UINERVTISY, IT DSENO'T MTAETR WAHT OERDR THE LTTERES IN A WROD ARE, THE OLNY IPROAMTNT TIHNG IS TAHT THE FRSIT AND LSAT LTTEER BE IN THE RGHIT PCLAE. TIHS IS BCUSEAE THE HUAMN MNID DEOS NOT RAED ERVEY LTETER BY ISTLEF, BUT THE WROD AS A WLOHE. IF YOU CAN RAED TIHS, PSOT IT TO YUOR WLAL. OLNY 55% OF PLEPOE CAN.. XD ? CAN YOU? ?
What I am doing? winning, their not winning, tiger blood, cuz I'm winning. People say I'm bi-polar I say that's totally wrong i'm bi-wining, I'm winning there, and here. They say I got a disease well, I cured it with my brain. If you every got my brain you'd be like woah unplug this sucker. I don't remember the last time I took drugs cuz I'm winning.