This question regards the POWER OF WORDS:
If someone snaps at you, can you get over it immediately?
Example of a Scenario; If someone close to you is not feeling well, and you sugggest he/she call a doctor,and they snap, 'you drive me crazy when you do this!' Then the person immediately apologizes and says,'I am sorry you do not drive me crazy...sorry I said that...' In your opinion, did the person really mean it, since the words flew out of their mouth so rapidly? I am writing a book which includes human emotion and reactions, and I would like to use this topic as an example.
Yes, because no one is bound by the words of others. Each person is only subject to their own thinking. All external suggestions are void unless they are accepted by the individual. It is nature's protection. One must be conscious of it, or else they will unnecessarily battle with another person's thoughts or opinions.
If they apologized immediately clearly they're acknowledging that their behavior is a symptom of how grumpy their feeling and not what it is truly in their heart. It's the same as watching a tired child act out or cry when they "need a nap".
The person who asks for immediate forgiveness values the nature of your relationship enough to the point that they don't want you to walk away without some insight as to why they snapped at you out of character. I'd be more concerned if they never addressed it.
Nevertheless if this was a (frequent pattern) I observed with this individual I would no longer offer them my opinion/advice. After a certain number of times we have to learn lessons about others and how they deal with things. The better you know someone the easier it becomes to predict how they will react.
Ultimately each of chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. We have the final say on who we spend our time with. If it's a "deal breaker" then move on. People generally only change when they're unhappy with the results (they're) getting in life.
Dashingscorpio thank you so much for your valuable insight! You are correct with your suggestion to no longer offer advice...and that the longer you know someone the easier it becomes to predict how they will react. Excellent advice, so appreciated
I'd think the person meant it but regretted not being able to keep that particular "drive-me-crazy" thought to himself. It would be different if he said something like, "Leave me alone," or "please mind your own business" - or something like, "If I think I need to see a doctor I'll see one."
To me, that "...when you do this thing" is a sign that it's more than just a one-time aggravation. To me, the question might be what the person means by "do this" (tell someone who already knows he'll see a doctor if he thinks he needs one? Just generally assume one needs to be advising the other person about what he ought to do in general? Worry about the other person when the other person is perfectly capable of worrying about himself? All of the above?
Personally, I pretty much don't snap at anybody - no matter how stressed out or "whatever else" I am. Worst case, I'm not my usual self (but then I pretty much let the person know I'm the one who is feeling grumpy/rotten and that it isn't him/her. In any case, I don't find much excuse for snapping at people (unless, for example, someone has a very sick family member or some other really serious thing). There's "generally grumpy" or "generally frazzled" - but then there's "snapping at people" (which is a whole different kind of thing that I don't have a lot of respect for).
Can I get over it a "quick snap"? Sure - but I pretty much start seeing that person as someone who has little control over his own emotions and/or who doesn't see the need to treat others better (no matter how rotten one feels).
Hi Dear Friend, Sparklea,
What a great question! Wow, you have received some really great answers here and all so interesting to ponder indeed. How thrilling about your book. I want to be the first to buy it when it is published. I just know all who read will take away great insight. When I first read your question, the first thing that popped into my mind, although it does not answer your questions about whether I get over it immediately, is Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." I have this taped to my phone at work and try to be mindful when dealing with people who may be upset from whatever circumstances they are dealing with at the time. For me, when someone does snap at me, it does stir up something in me, which must be a natural emotion, for God spoke of this very thing, as it is almost as if one is being attack for whatever reason. At least in the scenario you describe the person apologized, but I am sure when it was said, the person actually reacted by speaking the words that were in his or her head at the time and they just came out. So, it seems that the person may have very well been very tired and worn down, and just reacted or truly meant it and expressed it, which is healthy to get things out I believe ... would have been best to not allow such to fester inside his or her mind until it came out in such a snap. We truly never know what is going on in the minds of others. Hugs and blessings to you always sweet friend.
Hi dear Faith! I will send you an email because they do not allow enough characters for my reply. THANK YOU for answering. God bless, Sparklea
So appreciative you took the time to respond to this very important question.
I understand as I am always running out of room to reply too! Snapping at people accomplishes nothing for sure. Yes, "Out of the heart the mouth speaks." Our words can either build up or tear down, and I choose to build up. You do too. God bless
Really a lot of people don't even realize the do this. My youngest son does it, but when he or anyone does that I usually say OUCH that hurt, No need to talk that way to me, I always respect you don't I? That sure makes a quick turn around. Might as well get right on it instead of letting it brew into something much bigger than it really was. Get on it , get over it , move on, life is too short.
always be calm ... I try not to take it personally ... all attack is a cry for help ... though, by our actions and behavior over time ... we do teach people how to treat us ... so, if it's happening a lot ... it might not be them. IF it's just an isolated incident ... it's a tough one, however, we have to stand our ground ... be secure in ourselves enough to let that person know that if they want to be in your company they cannot behave that way ,,,, if it's a power figure .. boss, etc ... well, often it's best to always pause ... let it go unti the air clears ... people make mistakes ... the worst thing to do is get defensive.
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