What kind of perspective should I have when: Husband been laid off 4 times in 6 years, son...
recently diagnosed Bi-Polar and has legal issues, I inherited my Dads' small agricultural business that is now failing due to last 2 years drought. It's the old cliche...If it weren't for Bad luck....
First you have to accept that all this is happening, no blame, no resistance. Just accept this is the way it is. Next (and I learned this part from a book) decide what might be the gift or lesson in this. Maybe you will find nothing. Maybe you will find an opportunity for something else. Then decide what you want. With your son being bp for instance maybe what you want is to find the best possible treatment for him and then start looking for that. Do the same with your other issues. What do you want for the agricultural business? Once you start thinking about what you want, ways will probably come to you in how to have that.
The good news is when things hit bottom you are finished falling and now it is time to go back up.
A marriage should be a support mechanism as much as it is anything else. It's in the vows. You stay together and love each other and support each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.
If you didn't mean those things when you took the vows at the altar maybe you shouldn't be married.
I'm not saying he's not to blame for the predicament, nor that you ARE.
But everything you decribed above has already been vowed by you and by him to be a matter of little consequence to the marriage itself.
Might I add, I come at this from a non-religious perspective, despite the institution of marriage being a religious one.
It's hard work being married. Do I believe that he should work harder to stay employed longer? Yes. Do I think that his bi-polar condition may be partly to blame for his behaviors which may be affecting his ability to remain gainfully employed? Yes. Do I believe that you have an obligation as his wife, having vowed to him that you would, love him in good times and bad, in sick times and in healthy ones, in rich times and in poor times to love him and cherish him and support him? Absolutely yes.
Does he have an obligation to you on those terms as well? A resounding yes.
So where do you go from here? You figure out what the problem is, where the problem lies, and you pick out what will best help for the both of you to see how each is affecting the other's lives.
Sorry it took so long to respond. I never meant to raise the idea of a good 'Perspective' to an untainable level. While having a good or bad perspective does affect us in 'positive' or 'negative' ways it does not relieve us from searching for the best possible solution to our situations. When we have exhausted all possible avenues of relief available to us, including much prayer, we have a right to rest. Sometimes that may take us away from others that we love and care for. We may need to be alone with God and ourselves for awhile. Whatever the situation is, you may need some rest.
God Bless You and Your Family,
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